I went back to the Sathya Sai Baba group on Saturday for their more regular service.
It’s always challenging to be in a new place with unfamiliar people, but I know if I keep at it, I’ll make friends and become part of the fabric of the group.
The first part was practice for the bhajans, which are hymns. I didn’t know what to expect from that, but it turned out to be quite difficult for me. I thought there would be lyric books to look at, but there turned out to be only one. I was given that after about twenty minutes and then I couldn’t find any of the songs in it! They were practicing whatever they felt needed work. Eventually I realized that the book was organized by first lines so if I could catch what the person leading that song was saying, I could find it in the book. I managed that for one song before someone else wanted to look at it.
The girl in front of me recommended looking on YouTube to learn a few so I could get comfortable with it and then I would be able to choose one to practice. She passed out cards for a bhajan she had found in Spanish! It was really neat.
But I’m still going to write to them to ask what the book was so I can pick up my own copy!
Despite the difficulty of the practice, the service itself was delightful. Bhajans are led by a person who will sing the first line and then everyone will repeat it, so I found that I was able to sing quite a lot during the service itself. There was a white board that listed all the songs by first line, so I could read that to figure out what the sing back if I couldn’t tell by the leader.
After that there were some familiar prayers and the passing around of sacred ash for the forehead. When the service was over, flowers were distributed and someone gave me a gorgeous yellow blossom.
And some other examples of bhajans:
Now that I’m getting more involved there, I’m looking forward to also signing up for their service days. They do nursing home work and a soup kitchen. Having a group to go to is really helping to center me again. I’ve missed the company. Even though you can do a lot of worship just sitting in your own home altar, there is something really special about the energy of joining with others.
I walked home in my sari in a light rain and the fields by my house were glowing like emerald. It was so beautiful.
Unfortunately I did still have some inner turmoil going on from forcing myself to be social and go into a new situation and when I tried to phone Brad to find out if he could meet up with me to go to the gym, the phones weren’t working. I tried to text and it only half worked. I felt panic rising in me and pretty soon I was losing the ability to function. I texted “Help” to Brad even though I thought he was still in the car on the way home from an event and I sank down on the wet pavement sobbing.
This is something that happens to me sometimes. I don’t let it stop me from trying new things, though.
Luckily for me, Brad is an amazing guy. I didn’t know it, but he was already home and when I first started trying to phone, he had grabbed an umbrella and started to walk the path towards me. When I texted “Help” he started to run. So it was only seconds later that I looked up through my tear-filled eyes to see Brad running towards me. He embraced me and I felt his heart beating so fast.
He takes really good care of me.