The Truth About Wedding Planning

Actually, the truth is, the experience is different for everyone. We all have different ideas about what we want our wedding day to be like and different relationships with the key players who will make it happen.

So here is my real experience of wedding planning:

Stress? No, not really.

All you ever hear about is how stressful it is to plan a wedding. Perhaps it’s because I’m not detail oriented and I really focus on big picture in almost every aspect of my life, but I haven’t found it stressful at all yet. That may change as it gets closer. I imagine I’ll be a little bit worried about making sure all our stuff gets to the site (the mandap/canopy, the fire pit, etc.) and making sure the play button gets pressed on the ipod for the music.

Part of my lack of stress is that my family has been so helpful. My parents have offered help and advice but without pressure. We’ve been able to discuss and decide together on everything. They’ve been very willing to let the budget get bigger to accommodate more people, so we haven’t had to argue or stress over the guest list.

But while I haven’t felt physically stressed, there have been some emotions going on.

I have been waiting (not particularly patiently) for thirteen years to get married. I assumed I would marry young and so I was just waiting for 18 to hit and then I figured I would immediately find someone good enough and get started on the wife and mother portion of life. How wrong I was!

For someone who had been polishing her wife resume for years, it was a big blow to my self-esteem when friends and people I went to high school with started getting married and I was “unwanted.” Even a potential arranged marriage fell through, the guy deciding he didn’t want me. I hadn’t developed any other skills or directions in life as I had been completely focused on being a wife and mother.

So now here I am, well into “old maid” territory, and finally getting married. But being engaged has not been as exciting and awesome as I thought it would be. 

I love Brad dearly and could not imagine a better husband. He is so perfect for me that it’s like he was created by the Gods to be my partner in life.

At the same time, I’m struggling with a little bit of let down about the experience of being engaged. I wanted it so badly for so long that now having it isn’t happiness, rather it’s the absence of that misery! It’s a neutral state. It doesn’t really feel special like it did when it was something that “everyone else” had and I didn’t.

I’m also experiencing a lot of turmoil and anxiety around my job. I want to be relaxing and enjoying these months leading up to my wedding, but instead I’m struggling. This isn’t what I wanted to be feeling!

I worry too that being married won’t live up to my expectations. I think there’s going to be a let down after the fact. I’ll probably be feeling “This is nice but it’s still you and me just as before.”

For people who love weddings and watch every wedding show available (I’ve been watching them for YEARS), I think there is usually a mourning period after your wedding is over. Brad is a bit concerned too that I’m going to experience depression after our wedding is over. I need a new project to get working on.

So for me the dirty little secret of wedding planning is that the feeling of being engaged and getting married is not as magical as I thought it would be.

About Ambaa

Ambaa is an American woman of European ancestry who is also a practicing Hindu. She is fascinated with questions of philosophy, culture, and the meaning of life. Join her in the journey to explore how a non-Indian convert to Hinduism experiences her religion.

  • Andrea

    It’s not this magical state of bliss and expectation. There’s still work to do, bills to pay, and added responsibilities that go with your new role of “fiancee.”

    I got very depressed after my wedding and gained 22 pounds in 3 months. It does happen. Start an exercise program NOW because if you do get depressed, it’ll be easier to keep doing something you’re already doing than to start doing something new. I don’t know why it happened; probably because as soon as the wedding was over, the time with family and friends was over, and I was back home, it was very much the same as it ever was – me alone all the time while he was at the lab working. The only thing that got me out of the funk was regular exercise at least 5 days a week. It was my ‘prescription’ for happy :)

    • Ambaa

      That’s a really good idea!

      I’ve been counting on the honeymoon to ease me back into normal life, but now it looks like we won’t get to take one right away. It’s going to be weird to go from unmarried on Saturday to back to work on Monday married. :-/

      I’ve already gained 30 pounds since I met Brad! I don’t know why I’m having so much trouble losing it, but I am exercising regularly. And you’re right, getting to the gym is good for lifting my spirits.

      • Andrea

        They say if you are happy in your relationship you gain weight :D So don’t worry, just be healthy.

        We didn’t have a honeymoon either. We spent the next two days with his parents showing them around town, then they went home and we visited some other friends in Dallas, and came back in time to take July 4 off to rest and then it was back to work the next day!

        • Ambaa

          I think I’m reasonably healthy! I exercise at least five days a week and we mostly cook at home. I have a sweet tooth, but I think I’m eating better now than I did in my twenties. Yet weight just attaches itself! But yeah, I’m working on accepting that I’m doing my part to be healthy and my body will respond how it will respond. Happily, Brad also struggles with his weight so it’s not like where the guy decides to lose twenty pounds and with no effort at all does it in a month!

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  • Derek_anny

    As they say in the song, “It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah.”

  • Rainie Flores

    It’s sad that you feel depress about the whole engagement thing. I hope you find something good about it. The long wait is over and it has finally come. Probably it’s just the whole planning thing that is keeping you stressed.


    • Ambaa

      I didn’t mean for it to sound super sad! I mean, I love Brad and I’m so happy that I found him and that we’re getting married. It’s just interesting to me to see the ways that reality is different from how I imagined things!

  • Cinda Myricks

    Interesting! =) I love weddings.. and practically everything related to weddings. I’m unmarried and though I am not desperate to get married, I love the idea of getting married. I have heard many brides-to-be going excited like crazy planning their wedding and bugging their bridal
    hair stylist
    for an out of the box hairstyle. but your experience is new to me. I guess having a baby soon will save you from the boredom and depression that you feel is likely to happen to you after wedding. All the best for a magical life! =)

    • Ambaa

      That’s how I am too. Love, love, love weddings. Brad has pointed out that perhaps it’s because I’ve been wanting it for so long that a lot of expectation built up about it! And I think the baby project is something that a lot of people do to refocus and give themselves something to look forward to when it’s all over :)