It’s not about the money – so what is it about?
Our research found that when a couple has friction over money, it’s not about the money. The tension feels like it is about the dollars and cents but is actually about other factors under the surface –like how money makes us feel, our insecurities and fears, and how we process decisions.
Focusing on the dollars and cents is a trap because then there are only two solutions: earn more or spend less. But once you focus on what is under the surface, suddenly, solutions arise that help the relationship thrive despite the challenges – which then allows the two of you to get on the same page for the right financial answers.
In our case, we had begun to understand a few of these under-the-surface factors – for example, my greater comfort spending money triggers Jeff’s deep concerns (rooted in his early-adult years of poverty) about not having enough in the future — and were about to get a crash course in coming together to address them!
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