Talking about those factors is essential
We had seen in the data that the ability to talk about money was essential for a great relationship – which of course meant talking about those under-the-surface factors first. So we had committed to doing that instead of avoiding it.
A few days into the shock of the pandemic shutdown, Jeff came to me (Shaunti) and confessed that he was struggling with resentment about the money we had spent on nonessentials the prior year. His mind kept circling back to the trip to Disney World, the restaurants we’d enjoyed as a family, and those occasional times we went bowling or saw a movie. If we had avoided spending that money, we would have thousands more dollars in our bank account – funds we could really use in our dire situation.
Even though it can be hard to hear, it is crucial for every spouse to make –and welcome –an honest effort to share what is in their mind. Especially, if they feel any resentment arising, since our research discovered that it is important to catch it early. (Statistically, resentment is the tension most likely to lead to many others.)
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