On Second Thought: Episode 3

On Second Thought: Episode 3 June 27, 2012

Trust me, it’s crazy to see your life on television. That’s why every week, I’m going to do a blog posts called “On Second Thought.” These posts are where I will go over the episodes of my Lifetime show as I process the issues presented now that I’ve seen them aired.  I hope you’ll join me for these weekly posts – which will undoubtedly be part-confession, part-explanation, and part-celebration of my life right now!

In case you missed them, here are my first two “On Second Thoughts!”

Episode One

Episode Two

On Second Thought: Episode 3

“I’ve failed as a mother,” I said to Willow in front of Tripp.  Why did I say that?  Because as much as I try, I’m only one person trying to create a family without a father.  I’ve brought a son into the world who won’t know his dad.

This is why we really should trust God to know what’s best for our lives.  In high school, I knew I shouldn’t have been with Levi.  Had I followed God’s laws about having sex within the context of marriage-only, I would’ve prevented a great deal of heartache and pain.

I’ve said this before, but it’s worth saying again: Tripp was not the mistake.  Tripp is a gift from God.  But there’s no denying it: I’ve put him in a less than ideal family situation.

On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t have said I’ve failed as a mom.  After all, I’m going to be a mom for the rest of my life, and every day is new!  Though I didn’t start this process out in the right way, God is forgiving and wonderful to me.  He helps me through each day!

When I found out Levi was writing a book, I was sure it’d be classified as fiction.  However, when his book came out, it was as bad as I’d feared.  Friends texted me gross snippets.  I read details in the newspapers.  It’s crazy to get used to the idea that there is someone out there who is determined on misrepresenting my life and our relationship.  But, after our debut on the national scene in 2008, I guess I’ve gotten a little more used to it.

I won’t lie.  When we were to the range to shoot trap, I was excited about the possibility of using his “memoir” as a target.  My only fear is that I’d miss it! Shooting at the little clay disks was fun, but I considered that mere practice for when I could get his book out.  (Did you see what a great shot my friend Marissa is? Do not mess with her!)

We had an awesome instructor, who helped us a great deal…  As you can see, we tore that book up.  My frustration over his “tell all” was blown away with every round.

Oh yeah.  And there was that scene with the paparazzi.  In Alaska, people are used to seeing us, because everyone knows everyone in Wasilla.  Yes, there are some reporters who will make the trek from other places in order to dig up dirt, but the most we get is usually some waves from people at restaurants or on the road.  When I lived in Arizona, people saw the Alaska plates on my truck and would speed up to see if it was possibly a Palin vehicle.  Most people are friendly and considerate of our family, and simply want to say hello.

But you can’t find a more celebrity-focused area than Los Angeles.  Reporters are everywhere trying to get photos of stars, who apparently are everywhere.  Since I definitely don’t consider myself a celebrity, it’s always funny to see them trying to snap a photo of me, Tripp, and Willow.

When we were eating outside, I saw them gathering on the other side of the road.  On second thought, should I have asked him to stick his tongue out at the media?

Definitely! I’ve got to raise the boy with some values, after all!
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