I’m not Jesus. And for good reason.
- Every time I try to walk across the neighborhood pool, my shoes get wet.
- If I could turn water into wine, I would never turn off the faucet.
- If I had the power to make a fig tree wither, I would totally zap my neighbor’s yard. Just for fun.
- There is no way I’d be caught mixing spit with mud to smear on somebody’s face. I can barely handle my two-year-old’s snotty nose.
- If I could do magic, it wouldn’t be multiplying loaves and fishes. I’d have a chain of Italian restaurants and a watermelon stand with an endless supply!
- My life lessons don’t come from stories about buried money or some rich farm dude. I’d talk about gay guys at gas pumps and cutting my foot on a dead catfish.
- I would not have been born in a manger with some smelly cows. At a minimum, Motel 6, please and thank you. They say they’ll leave the light on for me. (Guess they missed the memo…I AM the Light of the World.)
- I don’t do demons. Or caves. Or pigs.
(Hint: Click CONTINUE)