I know I talk a lot about HG. Particularly here, here, and here. But, you have to understand, having Hyperemesis Gravidarum changed my life. It changed me. Even before I got that first positive pregnancy test, I had so many ideas about what I wanted my pregnancy, labor and delivery to be like. I was excited to have that beautiful glowing skin, exercising, taking my pre-natal vitamins, staying hydrated and having a nice round belly. I was going to be a... Read more
I’m back in therapy after too long a lapse. New therapist, this time, an older presbyterian minister who also has a long list of credentials and achievements to support his certification as a counselor. I’m not embarrassed to talk about needing help. It is just part of being human. When my daughter asks why I need to go to the doctor so often, I tell her this: “Sometimes, when really bad things happen, it breaks our heart and makes our mind sick.... Read more
The other day, someone complimented me on my shoes, or a blouse or something of that nature (I forget) and I responded by saying, “Isn’t Target great?!” It wasn’t a thought out response, I wasn’t making political commentary, I was just praising the way Target has managed to offer great style in my price point. The lady, a sister in Christ, looked shocked and didn’t chat with me for the remainder of our time together. It could be that she... Read more
Again, I know, I haven’t been writing. I don’t often have the emotional and mental energy to pull thoughts into words when I’m struggling and lately, the struggle has been so very real. Mix into all that real life stuff; editing, spell check, thinking about those who might read this and how they might object, anticipating arguments from those who are looking for a fight and also those who thoughtlessly agree with me. (I don’t even agree with myself half... Read more
When my third baby was 8 months old, I got pregnant. I love my children, I love my husband, but I was devastated. Hyperemesis Gravidarum stole my excitement over that set of tiny red lines. I hadn’t even had a period yet and I was still grossly underweight from my last pregnancy. Ben and I hadn’t even decided if we wanted more kids, we had been counseling with our pastor and had spoken with him about it. I had been... Read more
My kids are sick. Nothing more than a cough and congestion, but some of them have fevers. We are in lock-down mode. I know the whole wide world is probably sick right now (tis the season, right?), but we don’t have to be anywhere. Liam (3) is laying in bed next to me, watching Harry the Bunny in his batman footie jammies. I’m drinking coffee in a failing attempt to stay awake. I’m thankful for this opportunity. I’m seizing this... Read more
My married name is Carnahan. My husband’s, great-great-great-great Grandfather immigrated from Ireland in the late 1700s. Family names are carried down all the way to Ben and my sons, the only Carnahan men carry on the family name. As you can imagine, Saint Patrick’s day is near and dear to us. Not only because of Ben’s irish roots, but also because of our distinctly Christian heritage. Saint Patrick was slave turned missionary. A pagan turned Christian. A man turned into... Read more
The new year has brought the beginning of a new season for us Carnahan’s. All the children are day and night potty trained for the first time since 2006. The character training with our girls (ages 10 and 7) has been mostly completed. If teachability in children was cement, it starts drying around Ophelia and Mira’s age. We are only making small adjustments now. It is simultaneously terrifying and incredibly humbling. God has been so kind to us. I know they are... Read more
noun rev·e·nant \ˈre-və-ˌnäⁿ, -nənt\ : one that returns after death or a long absence Last night, my husband and I went on a date to see The Revenant. We arrived 10 minutes before the movie started, found seats in the front row and settled in for what, we had heard, would be a gritty couple of hours. The Revenant was directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu who has produced and directed several films, the only one of which I have seen... Read more
I’m failing at Advent. Ben is really good about lighting the candles, dolling out treats, reading scripture to us and singing Advent songs with our family whenever he is home. But the nights where has to work… it feels like I’m barely passing as human, let alone a spiritual guide for my children. We watch a lot of television. We didn’t even used to have one, but that was before. Before the debilating anxiety attacks, before the stress migraines and hives, before... Read more
Mere Breath
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