Quoting Quiverfull: Spoiled Unspanked Children?

Quoting Quiverfull: Spoiled Unspanked Children? January 5, 2017

quotingquiverfullby Lori Alexander from The Transformed Wife – Don’t Pamper Your Children

Editor’s note: Is there some fundamentalist world calendar that causes QF enforcers to all write about similar subjects at the same time? I am finding a lot of ‘Don’t Spoil Just Spank’ posts on the usual peoples blogs today. In the unquoted bits of this piece Lori explains you just have to ‘be firm’ and ‘not allow’ certain behaviors like tantrums to turn out perfectly obedient children before she makes the huge leap to say that those kids allowed to get away with the things she considers bad behavior are doomed to awful lives. I don’t think it’s much of a leap from her words about awful lives to the hell and damnation Steven Anderson preached last night in his post on discipline.

“Gentle Parenting” is the rage right now. Some even refuse to say “no” to their children. They have their children sleep in their beds. They would never spank their children because they claim Jesus is a gentle parent. We were gentle parents but not in this way. We were kind, loving, affectionate, warm, and joyful with our children but we said “no” often to them as the Lord says “no” to us about many things that harm us or are not good for us. They didn’t sleep in our beds (We are both light sleepers.) and we spanked them on their bottoms (We never abused them.). We were firm parents but didn’t pampered them continually. (Pamper means “to treat with extreme or excessive care and attention.”)

It doesn’t mean you can’t give them nice gifts, take them on vacations, and have fun with them. It also doesn’t mean you can’t ever pamper them at home or when they are very sick needing special attention but it shouldn’t be a way of life and define the way you raise your children. There is great harm done to children who are continually pampered. They will grow up to be emotionally weak and unable to handle the storms of life if you do. Boys will grow up to be lazy men and daughters to be rebellious and do as they please.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Jo

    Once again Lori sounds like a very unemotional parent – no complaining when ill, no this or that. Doesn’t sound like the most compassionate and cuddly parents 🙁 One doesn’t need to be quite so stern to be a great parent.

  • Nea

    “I don’t abuse my kids. I just beat them… according to the dictates of someone who was cited in 3 child murders. It’s totally different and loving. My kids will be the same successes his aren’t, wait, I mean are.”

  • Anonyme

    Spank your daughters, or they might grow up thinking they can have personal agency and bodily autonomy!

  • Saraquill

    Beating a child for the crime of being overstimulated, hungry, sleep deprived, in pain, etc. and does not have the ability to cope or resolve the underlying issue is not a good thing Lori.

  • SAO

    50 years of research has shown that spanking doesn’t produce better-behaved kids. A study, published in the Journal of Family Psychology, had researchers review 111 studies that included 160,927 children who were measured on 17 effects of spanking.

    Spanking was strongly associated with 13 of 17 outcomes, with children strongly tending toward detrimental outcomes. In addition, spanking was not associated with either immediate or long-term compliance — which is the entire purpose of spanking.

    Spanking doesn’t work.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Re: “… Is there some fundamentalist world calendar that causes QF enforcers to all write about similar subjects at the same time?…”

    It’s possible that some news story– either real or fake– inside the Rightwing News Bubble stimulated a bunch of cultural enforcers simultaneously to defend spanking.


    Or maybe they’re all obsessively-competitive copycats. It must be hard for a cultural enforcer to come up with new content to blog about; everything’s been exhaustively covered already.

    Edit: I Googled; France just banned corporal punishment. That may be it.

  • Evelyn

    How many parents don’t realize that if they refuse to “allow” big feelings in little kids, a)they never get the chance to help their kids learn how to deal with them and b)when their teens have big, scary stuff going on, their parents are the last people they will approach for help.

  • Rosa

    She is a horrible, horrible excuse for a human being and mother.

    On her blog a reader asks how to best get you child to obey without spanking, because spanking is illegal where she lives.

    Here is Loris answer:
    It’s horrible when governments interfere with child raising in this way. I can’t answer you since we spanked and it worked beautifully. We didn’t spank in anger. We didn’t bruise them since we used a small leather strap that was bendable and easy to control but it stung. My children were afraid of it and it was good since it caused them to obey us and it worked quickly. Pain is a great teacher and I don’t know of anything as effective. The Bible tells us to use a “rod” and nothing will work nearly as good as what our Creator told us to use. We didn’t even have to spank our children after 5 years old and never grounded them since they cheerfully obeyed us and it was never an issue after this. It made child raising a pleasure instead of a burden like it is for many women I hear from today who refuse to spank or can’t for some reason.

  • Rachel

    Boys will become lazy and girls will become rebellious.

    It seems to me she’s describing a reversal of the traditional roles–they fear boys staying at home, whereas for girls they fear them going out and becoming “doers” and influencers.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Kind of wonder whether the location chosen to receive the physical punishment was because it’s rare for people out in public to see that part of the body and thus any marks are concealed.

    “…We were kind, loving, affectionate, warm, and joyful with our children but we said “no” often to them…”

    Yeah, the woman who directs all that frustration, anger and hostility at other women on the internet now that she’s no longer directing it at her husband because she’s a “submissive and transformed wife which makes her ever so happy happy happy!”; who can’t handle differing views, especially from other women who tell her she’s WRONG; who supports the men who comment at her blog and elsewhere in their misogyny and preference for tyranny in the home…sounds like a real joyful person. I bet if someone were to talk to her kids in a setting where they knew they could speak freely and Lori would never find out, they’d tell quite a different story about their childhood and the mother who they feared with the ‘rod’ she terrorized them with.

  • guest

    I know spanked and non-spanked kids (and older), both well and poorly behaved. I think good behavior, as well as wanting to do well at school or succeed in life, are things that are best taught by example. Mom and dad and other adults have to model good behavior, good ethics, good attitude towards responsibility and obligations, and the children will pick up on it. No amount of spanking will make a child self-disciplined, motivated, and willing to do the right thing even when nobody is watching.

  • guest

    It’s illegal where we live too, and homeschooling isn’t lawful either. I disagree with the homeschooling ban because I believe parents should be given the choice to homeschool children if they think it would be better for them, provided it is done properly and children are learning what they need to learn. I agree with the smacking ban.

    I wouldn’t take advice on parenting from a stranger on the internet who can’t come up with a good way to discipline a misbehaving child without using violence. That comment alone says everything you need to know about Lori.

    ETA: is she really trying to say that smacking your kids when they are under 5 years old means you will never have any trouble with them when they are over 5? Really? What world does she live in?

  • “I cannot give you advice, but seriously, do this even though it’s illegal where you live, because I followed the Bible by the letter by not really following it by the letter and it’s worked out for me.”

  • Boys can be rebellious? Can girls be lazy, then?
    This division by gender is indeed weird, so I think you hit the nail on the head.