Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – Being Thankful in Everything?

Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – Being Thankful in Everything? March 8, 2017

AnsweringAnother installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem, many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical, rational and the best possible solution, in other words 180 degree turn from Debi and friends answers. As always  all spelling and grammar in the posting is unchanged from the original author.

This is by Shalom – Debi Pearl’s daughter talking about how she has a thankful spirit and trying to elicit stories from the readers.

A thankful spirit
Read chapter three and the book of Philippians. And share what you learn.
My kids are my personal mirror, a reflection of who I am at the moment. The best way for me to see if I am being thankful right then, is to look at them and see if they are thankful. I would call myself over all, a thankful person, but that is just my personality. But I can see by looking at my children that there are lots of times that I am just saying I am thankful, not living it. Words are just words, our actions show what is really in our heart at that moment when you are tired and the day is still not over yet. That is the time that I must call on God to give me a thankful heart and those are the times when he will judge whether I am truly a thankful person or not, not the times when being thankful is easy, because life is going good.
I thought I would tell you ladies the rest of the contentment story about the young wife who lived in the shack in chapter three. It was me! I was newly married and, {life was good} it was not hard to be happy. We had an old wood shack that we called the Love Shack sitting in a beautiful spot right on a spring feed creek, flowers and trees all around. I could wash my cloths, dishes, and us in the creek. It was just us and we could enjoy life as it came. We were only there spring to fall. I got pregnant and so that fall we rented a four bedroom farm house and live there for the next two years. We still look at that old house that sits empty on the creek and thank, “How wonderful those months were.” Shalom

There are a ton of stories in the answering comment threads that don’t necessarily sound like ‘blessings’ or things to be thankful for. No real advice in this except that thing that is preached again and again in Quiverfull – control your emotions and be 100% joyful all the time. What would you advise instead?

moreLast week’s Answering

Random Answering

Stay in touch! Like No Longer Quivering on Facebook:

If this is your first time visiting NLQ please read our Welcome page and our Comment Policy!

Copyright notice: If you use any content from NLQ, including any of our research or Quoting Quiverfull quotes, please give us credit and a link back to this site. All original content is owned by No Longer Quivering and

Read our hate mail at Jerks 4 Jesus

Check out today’s NLQ News at NLQ Newspaper

Contact NLQ at

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

"There's only so much watching your mother tear her hair out before you say to ..."

Breaking Duggar – Jill Duggar Dillard ..."
"Strict moral code for thee, but not for me, as they say in those circles."

Breaking Duggar – Jill Duggar Dillard ..."
"Fundamentalists are criminals and apostates. They will burn in hell."

Breaking Duggar – Jill Duggar Dillard ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Hannah

    I don’t think having no running water in a first world country is something to be thankful for, but even in the “Little House” books they use bathtubs, washtubs and washing up bowls and heated up water to use, instead of just dumping everything into a stream.

  • silverstar

    Washing your clothes, dishes and yourselves in a creek doesn’t sound very hygienic.

  • SAO

    Shalom escaped from hell under Michael and Debi Pearl. After that, living in decidedly primitive conditions seemed like heaven. Even bathing in a frigid stream in early spring or late fall was better than life with her “loving” parents.

    That’s really pathetic.

  • TLC

    Yet another harmful fundagelical mind-fuck game.

    Right now I have 3 major things on my mind:

    1) Finding out tomorrow if I have strep throat or an ear infection. If I do, it will be the third time in 7 weeks that I’ve gotten sick.

    2) A client who is spending $1500 to develop an app and has already created another program, rendering the new app unnecessary unless we find another way to use it.

    3) An employee of same client did something today that may force us to postpone a planned merger of two businesses for at least a year.

    Fundagelical me would have been Praising the Lord for all the extra work generated from problems 2 and 3, and being “grateful” that I’m not as sick as I could be.

    Now-realistic me is discouraged at being sick again. And seriously considering firing this client because he and his employees are off on so many tangents that they’re making it almost impossible to accomplish what they’ve hired me to do.

    I believe in being grateful for what you have. I had a scare with cancer when I was 27, and I came out on the good side of it. I know to be thankful.

    But the kind of thankfulness that Shalom talks about it a diversionary tactic. It keeps good fundagelicals from seeing things as they really are. Which would lead to them questioning the bullshit they’re being taught, investigating, forming a different opinion, and leaving the faith. Gratitude is used as a weapon to battle skepticism. It leaves people confused, exhausted and hurting because all that praise and worship isn’t doing a damn thing to actually make life better.

    Thinking positive gets you only so far. You also have to take action and make changes. Well, fundagelicals don’t want that, either. They want you to stay where you are so you’ll never get out.

    Come to think of it, I am going to give thanks. I am grateful I saw the bullshit and got out. I am grateful I found this blog and others that helped me identify and recover from spiritual abuse. I am thankful for the people here who listen, share and give hope. I’m also thankful for the medicine I’ll get tomorrow so I’ll feel better.

    As for the client: I’m just grateful I can’t reach him or his employee to strangle them.

  • Nea

    Yeah, it must have sucked to live downstream of that “happy” family and the pollution it was gleefully creating.

  • AuntKaylea

    I’ve got to wonder about giardia and other diseases.

  • Christine Sarah Pike

    “My kids are my personal mirror” – WHAT?? This screams narcissistic abuse. No, your kids do not exist simply to reflect your distorted sense of self; they are flesh and blood human beings with needs wants, dreams and desires… maybe you had these things too, once. In the time before your twisted beliefs squeezed the humanity out of your soul.