by Doug Wilson from Blog and Mablog – On Setting the Bone
Editor’s note: Gaslighting by a Pastor. Continuing on in Wilson’s series of letters to a girl that was sexually abused by her father. He compares what he tells her to the unpleasant setting of a broken bone with many complications, painful and unpleasant. I’m guessing it’s been years or never since he’s had a compound fracture and he does not realize that they use drugs to make it less nasty now. He goes on to claim that the biggest danger is from those that would use what happened to her to harm the church since her father was in church leadership. This is pure silencing techniques and gaslighting!
My prayer is that NO ONE who is a sexual abuse victim would ever follow this man’s advice. He is the one advocating horrible hurtful things that will make healing much less likely.
Here is another example. Because of the trial, and the public nature of what has happened to your family, there are certain people who want to recruit you for “political” purposes. Your father was a deacon in your church—that was another betrayal of his—and there are people who want to capture you and use you in their crusade against conservative Christianity. They are on your side, “completely” they say. Whenever they have spoken to you, they have emphasized over and over that everyone has a responsibility simply “to believe you.”
Now of course, Nancy and I believe your account—absolutely. Your aunt and uncle do as well. But there is a dramatic difference. We believe it because it is the truth. It has been established. It was established in a court of law. It was established with multiple witnesses. It was sealed with your father’s confession in the plea arrangement. We all know what happened. Your story is true, in other words.
But there are people who are willing to believe your story whether or not it is true. These people act like they are on your side, but they are simply using you.They sense a vulnerability, and they sense that this vulnerability (that your father created) gives them an opportunity to get something they want. As soon as you can no longer supply them with that, you will find out that their concern is about as deep as a wet spot on the pavement.
QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.
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