Quoting Quiverfull: Raped? Don’t Stay Angry at Your Rapist Overnight?

Quoting Quiverfull: Raped? Don’t Stay Angry at Your Rapist Overnight? April 19, 2017

quotingquiverfullby Doug Wilson of Blog and Mablog – The Manna of Anger

Editor’s note: A little good does not leaven or dismiss the toxic in Wilson’s continuing advice to this supposedly fictional abused young girl. Be angry, acknowledge your anger but don’t keep being angry is no answer! While volunteering and helping others can help you in recovery the most critical helpful bit that Wilson and others miss is ongoing counseling from a licensed mental health professional.

Your father’s offense against you, and his refusal to repent of it, presents you with a true offense, but it is a standing offense. He is in prison, and the sun has gone down many times since his sentencing. I would therefore urge you to avoid any kind of standing anger in response. The reason for that is not that the anger is unjust or misplaced, but rather that we have no way of “refrigerating it” to keep it from becoming rancid. And if it becomes rancid, it only hurts you. He wouldn’t know about it—off in prison, he is unaware of how he is affecting you. The wrong kind of anger won’t hurt him, and it will hurt you.

His offense against you is not a trifle, and your anger is not an over-reaction. Secondly, you are living in a situation where you could seek out a constructive outlet for that anger. Your aunt tells me that you have been volunteering at the counseling center, helping those who are helping others deal with situations very much like yours. Even though you are not counseling women directly, you can take your work there and offer it up to God. You can ask Him to receive it as the fruit of your anger.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

moreRead more by Doug Wilson:

Turn it All Over to God, or Turn into a Lesbian?

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  • Christine Sarah Pike

    ANY man telling a woman how she should feel after being raped is tantamount to abusing her all over again!!! She needs to have the message reinforced that no one has any rights over her body except her and that her father’s violations against her were without excuse and none of it is her fault.

  • AFo

    Doug, you know nothing. For some women, this might work; for others it might not. How people recover from trauma is unique to each person experiencing it, and your stupid one-size-fits-all approach is not a cure-all.

    Is anyone else getting the feeling that Doug is trying to head off complaints in his congregation? I can’t imagine he’d be spending this much time on the subject unless he was afraid of the shit hitting the fan.

  • Mirella222

    Women are allowed to be angry. Let me say it again: WOMEN ARE ALLOWED TO BE ANGRY. Women do not have to constantly be little delicate shrinking violets who just let it all go and “give it all up to God”. What he did was inexcusable and it caused her trauma, and she has every right to be enraged by it. When and if she wants to work through this, there are therapists and counsellors available to help. In the mean time, let her be angry, and let her know that her anger is justified and valid.

  • Rachel

    Again, you get the overwhelming feeling that her feelings are only valid IF the rapist is found guilty and IF he actually goes to prison for his crimes. Women like me are once again devalued and told what happened either wasn’t real or we’re just exaggerating.

    Before anyone can properly help others, she has to get the proper treatment herself. Otherwise she doesn’t have the coping strategies to deal with the second-hand trauma, and she risks further trauma. I’m an empathetic person and even people I barely know tend to feel comfortable disclosing their stories of assault and abuse with me, and if I hadn’t been through therapy I couldn’t cope with that.

  • Nea

    Congregation? I’m wondering if he’s talking about his own marriage!

  • bekabot

    “Don’t let what you’ve found out change you. Don’t turn into a woman; women are awful. Keep right on being a girl; girls aren’t so bad. Don’t be born into the world; don’t shed your caul; don’t look at what’s out there and see it for what it is. For God’s sake and in Heaven’s name, don’t learn and don’t grow. Don’t grow up.”