Quoting Quiverfull: Rebellious Women Refusing to Submit Make Disastrous Marriages?

Quoting Quiverfull: Rebellious Women Refusing to Submit Make Disastrous Marriages? April 15, 2017

quotingquiverfullby Lori Alexander from The Transformed Wife – Women Flagrantly Refusing to Submit

Editor’s note: Lori makes assumptions about what the marriages of those that do not use her version of submission is like. Sounds like she’s only known two of those women. Sort of sad that she automatically assumes everyone who’s marriage is not like hers is awful. Truth is in most people I know in equal marriages seem to be much happier than anything Lori has claimed.

I grew up seeing two generations of women flagrantly refusing to submit, and the effects on their marriages was disastrous. No unity, no sweet companionship, but a very them (men) vs. us (women) mentality. And both men were God-fearing, good men who could never do anything right in their wives’ eyes. That just made me all the more ready to respect and submit to my husband when the time came. Why not stop the generations of sin?!

What’s presented in the Bible is such a gracious, complementing, honoring, and beautiful thing. Submission is only hard because we don’t wish to be humble, or held accountable, or willing to put someone else’s wishes above ourselves: pride and selfishness, to be exact. And sometimes a husband is not perfect (well, never until heaven).

Submission is not about feeling good about my place in life, but it’s about my obedience to God. Am I willing to throw it all in and do what He has commanded me to do, being obedient and reaping his rewards (husband’s praise and children calling her blessed)? Or am I hardened and disobedient, wreaking havoc around me? Are there hard days? Yes. And yes. And yes. Then, I wrestle with God and His Word, until I’m back in submission, ultimately asking Him to teach me to love and submit better.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

moreRead more by Lori Alexander:

Women Must Have a Meek Spirit


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • AFo

    Yeah, because 25+ years of passive-aggressive sniping and endless nagging are the REAL way to martial bliss. I can’t roll my eyes hard enough.

  • Rachel

    This is why as a teen I didn’t want to get married. I just saw marriage as a constant battle for power and domination over the wife, and why would I want any part of that? As an adult, my secular and progressive Christian friends have much happier marriages than the fundamentalist ones that promised so much unending joy and happiness. When the respect goes both ways, that seems to make all the difference.

  • Rachel

    I find it interesting that she considers herself such a godly wife, since Proverbs has a lot to say about nagging wives.

  • If anyone ever needed an example of just how toxic the fundy attitude and lifestyle is, all they have to do is look at Lori and her followers. All I can feel for the woman is the deepest pity, she’s spent her entire life in a marriage with a man who clearly doesn’t really love her and yet by their rules, can’t end the relationship. IMHO, they (and everyone else) would’ve been happier if they’d just admitted they were wrong for each other and gone their separate ways.

  • Friend

    Contradiction time! The two otherwise perfect men did a disastrous job of choosing wives: “And both men were God-fearing, good men who could never do anything right in their wives’ eyes.” Why does God let men make such awful mistakes? Are the wives solely to blame? And who made these matches to begin with… the all-wise fathers of the two bad wives?

    Not buying the yarn…

  • Kathi

    I’m quite happy and proud of my egalitarian marriage. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I guess that makes me selfish too.

  • Julia Childress

    “I grew up seeing two generations of women flagrantly refusing to submit, and the effects on their marriages was disastrous. No unity, no sweet companionship, but a very them (men) vs. us (women) mentality. And both men were God-fearing, good men who could never do anything right in their wives’ eyes.” Perhaps because these women were deprived of any real power in the marriage, they had to get power where they could find it. Rather than becoming submissive, perhaps they became passive-aggressive. My experience says that a husband and wife who share power in the marriage, respect each other and have good channels of communication tend to have good marriages. The type of marriage that Lori describes, men ruling and women submissive, would be far less likely to result in two satisfied partners and a happy marriage. Her recommendations for the relationship are likely to have exactly the opposite effect of what she is intending.

  • katiehippie

    Oh goody. Trey is back in action. What a horrible man.

  • MillyPierce

    “Submission is not about feeling good about my place in life, but it’s about my obedience to God.”

    Wait, what?! So God doesn’t want his children to be happy? Who would want to believe in or worship this God? Why would he want anyone to be miserable in their life? Why would God put anyone in a place that makes them unhappy? I thought he loved all his children! Maybe she should find a different deity to worship, there are thousands of them.

    “Am I willing to throw it all in and do what He has commanded me to do, being obedient and reaping his rewards (husband’s praise and children calling her blessed)? Or am I hardened and disobedient, wreaking havoc around me? Are there hard days? Yes. And yes. And yes. Then, I wrestle with God and His Word, until I’m back in submission, ultimately asking Him to teach me to love and submit better.”

    Look if you have to pray in order love your spouse and submit to him, then maybe what you are trying to do isn’t the right thing. I don’t ever have to pray to love my husband. First of all I’m an atheist, so praying wouldn’t really help me! I love my husband because he is a wonderful person. I love him because he values me as his EQUAL and his PARTNER in life. I also don’t have to submit to my husband because I am an ADULT WOMAN capable of making my own choices and decisions. Do I seek his advice when I’m not sure what I should do? Absolutely, he can see things from a different perspective, sometimes he suggests solutions I hadn’t even considered. I respect his advice because it comes from the love and respect he has for me. Lori talks about her marriage like she is a CHILD instead of a GROWN WOMAN. That is extremely disturbing!

    It’s really sad that often atheists know the bible better than fundies do. Jesus himself never says anything about wives being in submission to their husbands. NOT ONE TIME! He says to love everyone, he says that a man can only divorce his wife because of adultery, but he never says a woman has to submit to her husband completely. So if the Son of God never says anything about this subject, why on earth are these people claiming that it is a commandment from God?! I often wonder if Lori completely skipped the gospels because I don’t think she ever actually talks about Jesus. Please correct me if I’m wrong about that.

  • Nightshade

    Am I ‘flagrantly refusing to submit’ to my husband? Damn straight, he knows it, and he doesn’t want submission. That’s because he prefers to share his life with a human being, not a passive-aggressive, submissive domestic servant/sex doll. I’ll take this kind of marriage over Lori-girl’s pathetic definition of ‘God’s way’ any time!

  • SAO

    I’ve never seen a good marriage that wasn’t a marriage of equals.

  • Yes, respect definitely needs to go both ways. But Lori does not seem to understand that.

  • Melody

    I disliked the us v. them between men and women a lot in Christianity. I tried not to feed it too much, except that I did feel it too. For me, it was much more about women not being allowed to perform a number of tasks related to ministry; I also disliked the whole women are more emotial bullshit because it was used to dismiss and invalidate women. I came across it again in a magazine only a few days ago. Same old, same old, but it still makes me angry and upset. Nothing ever seems to change.

    I also disliked it when women did it though. Pretending women were better in such and such, say looking after kids, and men better at say fixing things around the house, perpetrating the same nonsense.