Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – Is it Possible to Become Pure Again in God’s Eyes?

Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – Is it Possible to Become Pure Again in God’s Eyes? August 16, 2017

AnsweringYoung lady has a sexual relationship in the past and is now wondering how to not be considered a pre-licked candy bar (Michael Pearl’s words) in the eyes of God.

Another installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem, many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical, rational and the best possible solution, in other words 180 degree turn from Debi and friends answers. As always  all spelling and grammar in the posting is unchanged from the original author.

Is It Possible To Become Pure Again In God’s Eyes?

I was raised in a semi-Christian home, and I have always had faith in God. From the ages of 16-18, however, I dated a non Christian and we had a sexual relationship. I am out of this relationship now, and I am committed to the Lord. However, I hate having this huge stain on my purity. My dear new friends have purity rings, and I would so love to get one to show my new heart concerning purity. I just don’t know how God would feel about that since in reality, I am not pure. Help please~

That poor girl! That’s a lot of guilt and self-torturing to carry around. I have to admit I was expecting all of the commenters just to add more guilt and condemnation, but they did not. They mostly suggested that since she’s already repented of her actions that she was now pure, and should go ahead and get a purity ring to symbolize her inner purity after repentance. What would you advise?


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Jezebel’sOlderSister

    I would tell this young lady to get thee to a secular therapist so that she can learn to appreciate herself and value herself more highly than just the value of an “unspoiled” vagina. Hopefully, she’ll learn along the way that any person (friends or potential spouse) who would judge her because of her past is not worth the time and effort, and is best dropped off at the curb.

  • lady_black

    I would advise her to forget about all notions of “purity.” It’s an unhealthy obsession with a particular part of a person’s anatomy. Who CARES?

  • Tawreos

    You can’t change the past. Make your peace with it and move on. If it bothers a guy enough for him to have a problem with you remind him that Jesus did not have a problem with a prostitute and you are far from that.

  • Aloha

    She’s already been infected with the Purititis. I don’t know if there’s any going back. She’s now obsessed with virginity and wishing she could take back her experiences. Surely others have told her about forgiveness of sins, but it hasn’t sunk in. Her guilt is too great because she’s inundated with Purity culture all the time.

    My advice might be to just get out … move, travel, find a new church, find new friends. Her environment has become harmful.

  • What they said, cubed!

  • lady_black

    “Sin” is an imaginary ailment, created to sell an imaginary cure.

  • MaraT

    I would want this young lady to get on with her life and let go of the past. And don’t ever let any “man” call you a “pre-licked candy bar”. Women are not objects to be purchased and consumed.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    It’s nice to see even the rank and file fundungelicals themselves don’t believe that cr*p about purity their leaders spout when faced with an actual real person they can relate to.
    It’s also nice to see they have done a bit of independent reading and noticed all the forgiveness bits in the Jesus’s teaching, which may be summarised by “You always get a do-over with God.”

  • Jennny

    In the 70s, a book called ‘From Witchcraft to Christ’ was a best-seller in fundy circles. Author was a witch who’d led a depraved life that we found deeply shocking and we felt a bit naughty and voyeristic for reading it at all. God apparently spoke to her after conversion and said ‘You are now a chaste virgin in my sight.’ Privately, I thought that was too convenient, (though I was deeply fundy) women should not be defined by their virginity…and as the decades have passed, the purity culture rolls on…very very sadly.

  • Saraquill

    Drop these non-friends and spend time with people who support you rather than make you feel gross.

  • SAO

    People are human. We make mistakes. You learn, grow, move on. Instead of focusing on “purity”, focus on improving yourself. That involves thinking about issues – perhaps getting things wrong – not blindly following rules on trivial stuff like the length of you skirt. Most things are not black and white, and where do you draw the line? Be wary of people who know all the answers.

  • lady_black

    A sexual relationship is not a mistake.

  • John Wayne Eastwoo

    According to a few exes it can be.

  • SAO

    I meant in general, not specifically sex. Purity is often just getting to the altar with hymen intact. Any mistake makes one “impure.” In real life, people do things that they later regret, as the OP regrets her relationship. Instead of focusing on the mistake — the failure to meet the purity standards — it’s better to focus on the future.

    Although, frankly, I’ve seen people get baptized, reborn and thus purified. An acquaintance, who’d had 3 previous husbands and several other partners got baptized and and then started bragging about how she, unlike any of us, was waiting until marriage to have sex, with husband #4 (she doesn’t count hubbies 2 & 3, as neither lasted a year). I just rolled my eyes, since she’d slept with hubby #3 while married to #2. But a few drops of holy water and now she was purer than all of us.

  • lady_black

    Correct. It’s ALL 100% bullshit.

  • lady_black

    Even if it doesn’t work out. The proper way to view it is as a learning experience.

  • Almost a chimp

    Was the Magdelane a prostitute? It seems to me that the label was given to her out of jealousy because Jesus seemed to favour her over the men in his entourage (it’s possible he married her).
    Typical really; if a woman upsets a man then that man shouldn’t examine his own status, just insult the woman.

    I’m not a believer, by the way, but that’s how the story reads to me.

  • Tawreos

    Mary Magdalene wasn’t a prostitute. I believe it stems from a story in the gospels about a prostitute anointing Jesus’ feet and Mary gets mentioned in the same story. I think the idea that she was a prostitute stems from the christians love of the repentant sinner and to emphasize how compassionate Jesus is supposed to be. It is entirely possible that it happened for the reason you gave as well though, people have been assholes for a long long time. =)

  • texassa

    The concept of purity is a man-made (not god-made) myth meant to control women and reduce their value to their sexuality. If you believe in the God of the Christian Bible, then you know God made you in His image. He values you for much more than what’s between your legs. The center of your character lies in your spirit, you treatment of others, your intentions, and all of the good things that you do and are. If you believe the relationship you had was sinful, still rejoice. Because the Jesus of your Bible says that any sins can be washed away through faith and repentance. A person is a complex being, designed by God in His image and forgiven through Christ – not a licked piece of candy or a re-used piece of tape. What a disgusting analogy to compare humanity to a single-use item. Why, if that comparison made sense, the sole purpose for a woman would be to be deflowered by a husband, just as the sole purpose of a candy is to be eaten or the sole purpose of a piece of tape is to be sticky. Think of all you know about God, Christ, and what they’ve told you about yourself and your value. Are you a vagina, to be penetrated by a husband? Or are you a complex, spiritual, and good person with thoughts, value, contributions, and virtues that you put into the world day after day? Shame on the people who taught you these false lessons.

  • I dunno, Jesus and John seemed to have a good thing going.