Ken Alexander Defends Lori’s Hateful Blog Posts Again

Ken Alexander Defends Lori’s Hateful Blog Posts Again October 4, 2017

KenAlexanderFrom the comments of The Transformed Wife on Facebook where Lori claims that daughters should never have to pick a career. More and more of the posts on Lori’s sites seems to be defenses against anyone that even slightly disagrees with her and she always terms this pushback as “vile and nasty comments” even when the commenter is respectful.

Vicky: “I am a college educated (BSN, and an MBA, currently working on my PHD) female, wife, and mother! Telling young girls, that they are better off, not going to college, and just getting married and having children is WRONG! I have two girls, which both have gone or going to college, one is married and works in her degree field, with no children; doesn’t want children and the other, doesn’t want to consider marriage until, she is capable of standing on her own two feet. So, what you’re saying is that I have raised my daughters, incorrectly?”

Ken Alexander: “Vicki, I am all about choice. Did you show your daughters a choice to not become a career woman and explain the sacrifices they are making when they choose to pursue a career? Everyone has a choice how they want to live their life, and you and your daughters have chosen your path. It’s your life to live so live it as you think best… but also don’t believe for an instant that many career women and their families would not have been better served by focusing on the relationships that give the most lasting value in life.

Jesus said, ‘For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?’ (Mark 8:36). I think He would also say for today’s world, ‘What does it profit a woman to have a career, and the money and ego that goes with it, to lose out on the best life has to offer in family and marriage?’ You have taught your daughters the world’s way of doing things, but this world will pass by quickly and in the end, we all have to own how we have lived.

So let’s be sure that our daughters know that they do not have to choose a career, but can throw themselves into marriage and family, often living happier and more fulfilling lives without the debt of college and grad school. Let’s let God and His Word help them make this important decision. Our children are our greatest treasures, are they not?”

Kenndra: “Out of curiosity (again), are we going to pretend that women like Esther or Ruth did not exist in the Bible? Or are we only talking about the parts that fit this narrative?”

Ken Alexander: “Are not Esther and Ruth perfect examples of godly women who married and were well provided for by God and their husbands? They are a far better example of what is taught in this post than anything to do with being career women.”

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  • Tawreos

    Yeah, Ken is all about choice. As long as you choose the way he believes is best. Did Vicky even consider that her life would probably have been so much better and more fulfilling if she had just stayed home and pumped out a dozen or so kids while being subservient to her husband? And then she goes and has a daughter that has a career and doesn’t want kids? What is the point of women if they don’t want kids? Tsk Tsk. His whole argument seems to boil down to “go ahead and live your life, but when you get to heaven you are going to have to explain why you didn’t listen to me”.

  • Saraquill

    “Are not Esther and Ruth…well provided for by God and their husbands?”

    I don’t know about Ruth, but Esther’s husband was planning to commit genocide against her people, and she risked execution just for speaking up. That and he gave his first wife grief for not performing a striptease in front of guests.

  • Saraquill

    Acting like he’s an avatar and putting words into his messiah’s mouth must make him a false prophet, idol or other thing blasphemous to Christians.

  • Aloha

    I don’t know about Esther, but Ruth was widowed at an early age and ended up having to work for a living. She eventually re-married, but spent several years living independently, and only managed to re-marry by taking some strong initiative.

  • yulaffin

    Ken and Lori both twist bible verses to fit their point of view and if they can’t twist it enough to make it fit, they toss it.

  • Mel

    The commentator’s daughters are doing fine.

    Let’s compare some more famous – or infamous – outcomes of the CP/QF lifestyle
    *Debi Pearl – had a honeymoon that would best be described as torture, earns a decent income through “No Greater Joy” and her books and still needs to beg for donations to get her neck surgery.

    *Rebekah Anast – Debi’s oldest daughter was squatting illegally on Native American land while absolutely broke to the point of needing to do unattended childbirths.

    *Duggars pre-TV show – Michelle hiding with 5+ children in a bedroom while JB tries to sell used cars in the living room. Parents unable – or unwilling – to focus on their children long enough to seek professional help for their son who is molesting young women or their daughters who were molested.

    *Andrea Yates – suffered from severe postpartum psychosis after her fourth child’s birth and was warned not to have another baby. Her husband and she decided having an open womb was more important so they had a fifth kid. She had a relapse. Her husband decided that it was more important that she keep up her duties as a mother than be under 24-hour supervision like the doctors recommended. She killed all five kids while delusional and has been institutionalized since.

    *Willis clan – a billion kids touring the country while performing music. Dad’s a child rapist – wonder how the family is doing now?

    *All the CP/QF bloggers who write about how to save money by skipping really important things like medical/dental treatment or home repair.

    Yeah, a lot of these things could happen in families where the mom has some career experience and education – but the chances are lower simply because the more life experience and resources partners bring into a marriage the better the odds get for a happy – or at least average – family.

  • pagankitty

    Hey, Ken, your privilege is showing. There are millions of women around the world who do not have a choice about whether they’ll work or be full time SAHM, because they and their families would literally starve if they didn’t work. It’s not about ego or getting the newest things, it’s about having a roof over their heads and not sending their babies to bed hungry. To act like all women have the choice to make the “better/biblical” decision and stay home and just choose not to because they’re swayed by the evil evil world just shows that neither Ken nor Lori have any experience outside their own bubble.

    Now, for women who are fortunate enough to be financially secure and could chose to stay home, it’s still ignorant to claim that they don’t just because of their ego and desire for money. I’m a grad student in biology. My pay is pretty minimal, and if you had confidence and ego before grad school, I’m pretty sure having it destroyed is a requirement for graduation. I stay because I like science, because I have a drive for science, because I like knowing that what I discover helps people. It’s amazingly the same motivation that men in science have. Stop acting like working women are either just stupid and didn’t know they could stay at home or are selfish, cold-hearted bitches who’d rather have a new car than a happy family.

  • Annerdr

    Children, theoretically, do not stay around forever. I’m in my 50s, children grown and mostly moved out. If I hadn’t had a career, I could not do what I’m doing now, which is working to support my husband while he starts our business. Even when I was raising my child, I never wanted that to be 100% of my life. I would have gone insane without work.

  • katiehippie

    Oh, don’t you dare disagree with Ken and Lori. They know they are RIGHT. They know the TRUTH. And they don’t care who gets hurt because of it.

  • Jennny

    And those are just the few scraps of information we have about these people. Image is everything to them and so lies have to be told to maintain that squeaky-clean-aren’t-we-close-to-god-and-see-how-he-blesses-us image. I bet what we know is just the tip of a huge iceberg of sheer misery.

  • Allison the Great

    I wonder what would happen if anyone pointed out how not great the CPM Way of things works to these idiots? “Gee, let’s talk about Nancy Campbell’s daughter having to have her kids run around outside to stay warm because she can’t get heat and her husband is too unskilled to get a job that can support her and the kids. Let’s talk about how Jim Bob doesn’t have any skills to get a real job and neither do his sons. Let’s talk about how Jessa and Jill are married to men who don’t have real jobs (wtf do Seewald and Dillard do, anyway? One worked at Walmart but I heard they fired him) . I don’t think that Joy Anna married a skilled worker either. Jinger married a pro soccer player. Let’s talk about how most quiverful families are dirt poor. But sure, your way is the best way, uh huh.”

    I hate the fact these people think that those of us who are female are supposed to give up the careers we’ve always wanted so that we can be the wives and mothers that we’ve never wanted to be.

  • AFo

    Ken basically trying to shame this accomplished woman and her two accomplished daughters is the most tone-deaf thing I’ve seen all day. He’s expecting a meek little doormat who will realize the errors of her ways once a MAN points it out, but I would bet these women are doing just fine without his validation. You and Lori are not as important as you seem to think, Ken.

  • Wade

    but also don’t believe for an instant that
    many career women and their families would not have been better served
    by focusing on the relationships that give the most lasting value in life.

    The only one claiming that they don’t value those relationships is Ken. And how does he know?

  • Mel

    I find reading the comment sections of CP/QF blogs enlightening in a horrifying way. You have families who can’t afford to replace their oldest kid’s shoes, can’t afford basic home repairs that really need to be done and blatantly admit that they have no way out because they have so many kids and so little education that having the woman of the family work wouldn’t bring in enough money to make a difference….

  • Mel

    Dillard at least has theoretical earning potential. He has a college degree in accounting. If he’s got a CPA (or gets one), cuts his hair, shaves and buys a suit, I’m sure he could find an accounting job somewhere that paid enough to raise a fairly large family on one income. Instead, he’s started a ministry internship through Cross Church School of Ministry. I…have no idea what his goal with that is.

    No idea what Vuelo does now. I know he had a whole song-and-dance about wanting to be a minister – but who knows if that was a real thing or what he decided to say to woo Jim Bob so he could date Jinger…..

    Seewald and Joy’s husband do whatever jobs are available at their parents’ or in-laws’ business for young men without career or educational credentials.

  • texassa

    Are these people teaching their sons that they could have careers, or they could opt to be stay-at-home daddies which is a fulfilling job in itself?

  • texassa

    It’s not only that some (or many) families need a wife’s second income to support the family. Putting all men into the breadwinner role and all women into the homemaker role puts women at an enormous disadvantage and dependence. When one of these women wants to leave an abusive husband, their options are bleak. They have no employment experience, no marketable skills or education, and no earning power. When they are dissatisfied with the quality of life (e.g., no dental care or heating), they have no course of action aside to wish their husband earned more. When their husband dies or leaves, they are left stranded with a home full of children and no ability to financially support the household. This is about more than division of labor, or valuing motherhood. It is about ensuring women and girls are completely dependent with no agency of their own.

  • texassa

    They all want to “work in ministry.” Never mind if anyone wants or needs their ministry. Never mind if there is demand enough for them to support their families. It’s what they “want” to do, so by all means!

  • texassa

    Yes. A cornerstone of this cult is putting on a happy face. One can only imagine how much is hidden behind those waxy smiles, wide eyes, and canned statements of happiness.

  • texassa

    I need to know about these blogs and where to find them.

  • texassa

    All power to any parent who is able to and chooses to stay home. But being well-rounded is – to me – what life is all about. We are meant to hold many roles. We are meant to be multifaceted. Can you imagine doing the same thing all day every day? We should be parenting, spending time with a partner, visiting with friends, exercising, learning, tending to the house, enjoying hobbies, and – yes – working. I have seen many friends and even family get stuck in a mental and emotional rut when their daily existence dwindles down to too few roles or tasks. People go into depression over it! Those of us who have established balanced lives with many aspects are (I believe) stronger for it.

  • texassa

    What I really don’t understand is why anybody is listening to these people. If someone stood in my doorway every day blabbing about how I should be living my life, I certainly wouldn’t be standing there listening, asking questions, and inviting them back for more. Are these followers just weak minded people looking for some kind of miracle solution to life?

  • texassa

    Studies have often shown that children benefit from growing up in homes with working mothers and fathers who perform housework and childcare.

  • Almost a chimp

    Ken Alexander: “Vicki, I am all about choice…..

    … can choose to live how I say, or you choose to reject my (and Jesus’, for I am His voice on Earth, don’tchaknow) words and go to Hell.”

    What a pompous, arrogant, misogynystic, typical tiny-testicled tyrant.

  • Ruthitchka

    In my case, the first part was true, but my husband rarely even picked up after himself or ever washed a dish! He did change diapers, though. So the kids benefited a bit.

  • Mel

    Free Jinger is a good starting point; they have running commentary on lots of CP/QF blogs.

    Once you get to a CP/QF blog, look to see if they have a blog roll – you can often find less popular (and more honest) bloggers that way. I think that’s how I found Raising Olives – which used to be highly online, but posting about once a year now. She did a cross-posting special with three other bloggers who are somewhat more active.

    Another option is to scroll through the comments of a CP/QF blog and see if the name of the commenter is a hyperlink to their blog. That’s how I found Raising Arrows off of Raising Olives.

    Use the search feature on the blog to try terms like “frugal”, “budget”, or “money problems”. Scan the post – there’s usually a terrifying suggestion or two – then start reading the comments. That’s where the really honest people are…..

  • MillyPierce

    I’m thinking of starting a page with screenshots of all the toxicity in Lori’s closed group. The comments in that group are something else.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    You should. Someone should. I could not stomach the task but the more she is exposed for her hateful responses behind the scenes the better.

  • smrnda

    People also tend to marry those with similar education levels, which means that women who decide to forgo education or employment with the hopes of some prince charming coming around are setting themselves up for disappointment at least. There’s also the question of what type of man wants to marry a woman who has significantly less education and work experience . I’d worry it’s the type of guy looking for a woman who cannot afford to leave him, and where he can pretend to be some gigantic hero ‘rescuing’ her with his money.

    And privileged bubble is right. The kids have to eat, the bills have to be paid. What does Lori’s husband do?

  • smrnda

    ‘Work in ministry’ is like people who want to ‘be their own boss’ but who can’t be bothered to actually come up with a business plan. It’s pretty much expecting people to hand them money for no other reason than that they want it, and this is the group that shames people who want government aid?

  • pagankitty

    Very true. It would be interesting to see the trend for how very conservative people view women going to college. Because when I was a kid I remember people in my community were very supportive of women going to college as long as they were going to find a mate and become better educated for their mate (and not going for an evil career). But I think when I was in high school things started shifting towards women not going to college at all because of the cost of college education.

  • SAO

    I think the theory is set your own hours, be looked up to and respected by large numbers of people, and rake in millions all by spouting off your opinions.

  • Plus, um, some of us want to be wives and mothers, but secondary to having a career. Do I want kids? Yes! Do I want to give up my teaching career to homeschool them? FUCK NO.

  • Debbie Holt

    You’re 100% correct when you say that people tend to marry others with the same educational level. I married a man with only a high school diploma, while I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Nursing and am currently working on my Master’s. He had absolutely NO drive at all, and was content to be working at a minimum wage job, while I worked hard. He fell in love with my salary, and soon, it seemed that I was the only one working in our marriage. (He would take days off for no reason, because he knew that I could easily make up the financial difference.) Well, after a few years of that marriage and lifestyle, we divorced. I now know for certain that education DOES matter in a relationship, and I’m not settling for any less again!

  • Debbie Holt

    I wholeheartedly agree! My mom worked as as Real Estate Agent ever since she graduated college when I was in the 4th grade! I remember us doing our homework together! One of the advantages of having a working mom was that it made me more independent. She needed my help to get dinner started, and now, I am able to make nutritious and delicious low cost meals for my own family. I had age-appropriate chores and responsibilities from a young age, which all served me well in raising my own child and running my own household. My mom taught me the value of hard work and the pride and satisfaction you receive from a job well done. She also taught me how to always expect the best, but to plan for the worst. I will NEVER be able to thank my mom, a mom that worked both inside and outside of the home, for all the things she has taught me. And, the worst did come. My ex-husband and I divorced, and I am thankful that I had a college education and career to sustain myself. I could not have survived otherwise.

  • Debbie Holt

    Oh, Milly, I sure hope you do! I’d be your first subscriber (or one of them)!!! By starting a page that states the truth about the QF and Patriarchal lifestyle, maybe many women could be helped because you would be revealing the lies that they have been taught. I’m a Christian, Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. However, the God that I serve is a god of love, peace, grace, mercy, compassion, and forgiveness. Sadly, these are characteristics that Ken and Lori know ABSOLUTELY nothing about!

  • Almost a chimp

    There’s the loophole in Ken’s twaddle; Jesus specifically said ‘man’, not ‘man or woman’ or ‘a person’.
    Go for it, ladies, the whole world is yours to gain. JC said so.

  • texassa

    Sounds like you had a great mom. I am sorry to hear of your divorce but glad to see you were not trapped in a hopeless situation. How sad these fundie girls are set up for a life of dependence.

  • texassa

    Right. Because we all know how fond Jesus was of the rich.

  • texassa

    I know! They want others to go out into the world, provide value, and earn an income. Then, tithe it back to the “church” so they can lazy around all week and pop out a judgmental sermon on Sunday. Ridiculous. Hey, kids, try getting a real job.

  • Plain English

    Christianity, especially the extreme flavors, is designed to harm self and others. The first step is to feel guilty and begin to believe the malarky that says the human heart is ‘fallen’. Once one takes that first step, the preacher is empowered to lead the ‘fallen’ down the path of self-harm and bruised knees and then pimp them out to the world where they can witness, bring in the offerings and win others to Jesus!
    Ken Alexander seems dumbed-down to me. His rewriting of scripture is a perfect example of dumbed-down reading. He says:

    “Jesus said, ‘For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?’ (Mark 8:36). I think He would also say for today’s world, ‘What does it profit a woman to have a career, and the money and ego that goes with it, to lose out on the best life has to offer in family and marriage?’ ”

    Does this guy really think he is talking about women and careers? Does he not see how he is forteiting his own dignity by his lack of respect for people, his dull, patriarchal rigidity? What on earth does he even mean by ‘ego’? A woman earns money and then suffers ego?This is Christianity at its best again: Gimme a verse, any verse and I’ll tell you exactly what it means in today’s world. Which is to say, I will tell you exactly what I hear in my little cage brain, my harmed heart. Serve me, woman! God said it!

  • persephone

    Hi, Suzanne,

    It’s been a while. I’ve been busy trying not to die for several months. (Still working on it, but it’s not like the Reaper is hanging over me all the time now.)

    You had asked me about where I found it in Lori’s blog that Ken cheated on her. I finally went back and found that she’s deleted some posts, and the post about the broken vows (it was a post about a wedding she attended) has been edited. Someone else must have called her on it, and she decided to edit it to make Ken look better than he is.

    I’m sorry I wasn’t able to pull the quotes for you. Basically, she made a brief comment about Ken breaking their vows, and forgiveness, right around the same time she was ranting about women wearing leggings and yoga pants. I put 2 and 2 together and came up with Ken cheated on her with someone probably wearing yoga pants.

    Anyway, I’m not in the least surprised. Lori has done this before.


  • MillyPierce