Men Becoming More Feminized?

Men Becoming More Feminized? August 21, 2018
Photograph detail from a picture I took of my husband’s tee shirt in December 2015. This was my facial expression reading through the A Lady of Reason blog, like I was suddenly intellectually disabled. No disrespect to Buccee the Beaver or Bucee’s intended…

This is from one of Lori Alexander’s commenters that is apparently trying to be an onine cultural enforcer. I cannot understand why she’s commenting and approving of what Lori says because she makes it very clear on her blog that she is a) not religious but secular, b) claims to be advocating for ‘Common sense’ and c) if her posts are anything to go by then she is college-aged. All things that Lori Alexander of The Transformed Wife has stated she hates in bloggers, particularly the secular young women. Lori just posted again why young women should not be bloggers giving out life advice because they don’t have enough life experience.

The only thing I’m seeing of this young woman’s blog ‘A Lady of Reason’ are claims that identical to Lori’s minus the Bible, with more fear-mongering thrown in, if that’s even possible. Here she rants on how liberals are ruining men by forcing them to be feminine. It is from a piece titled “Just Because We’re Women Doesn’t Mean Everyone Else Has To Be!”

One thing I will say. This anonymous blogger surely has Lori Alexander/Debi Pearl’s shaming and blaming style downpat to the extreme. Hard to believe she’s not Evangelical Quiverfull. As a result I will not be sharing much of this young gal. I wanted to make the point that awful female cultural enforcers attract equally awful and dumb, even if everything else about A Lady of Reason would horrify Debi, Lori and the others.

That is one big old wall of text and it is just the first paragraph!

I had to laugh hard at the sheer ignorance, fear-mongering extreme and paranoia in one of her other posts – a post on why you should not travel to foreign countries. I live overseas, like I know at least one other reader does (looking at you SAO) and have lived in Europe and the edge of the Middle East. What she’s saying is so very wrong on most every level! You just have to use some common sense, that thing this blogger thinks she has but does not. Things like don’t flash wads of cash, don’t leave your wallet and expensive Iphone unattended at the beach, don’t act like entitled white people!

I am reminded yet again of the Trump supporter I know that heard I was moving to Costa Rica and said that they could not come to see me because of ISIS terrorist. Laughed hard that time too. Too bad she’s not traveling because she might actually have to learn something. Travel kills ignorance and fear pretty effectively.

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  • Tawreos

    ” Lori just posted again why young women should not be bloggers giving out life advice because they don’t have enough life experience.”

    Just because someone is young does not mean their advice is bad, there is no magic age at which one’s advice turns good. Lori may just be mad because younger woman have learned that they can make money by giving out crappy life advice and Lori doesn’t want other people in her playground.

    As for the feminization of men I had to laugh. I grew up playing soldier and cowboys and indians. I learned to wrestle and shoot, and even with that as my upbringing when I feel like it I can be the biggest Queen you ever saw. =)

    I have to ask, since Lady of Reason kind of sounds like Lori is there any chance that she puts an exclamation mark at the end of the name? I ask because it seems to me to make sense since you would then get LOR! as an abbreviation.

  • Anri

    A Lady of Reason should maybe check around as to why feminists of many sorts have been saying that “boys will be boys” is being used to justify sexual assault.

    Hint: it’s because it is.

    For example, by people who are claiming that men are uncontrollable sex machines and therefore women must be modest so as to not provoke them.
    I wonder if we could find any blogs saying just exactly that? Hmm…

  • Saraquill

    For someone who calls herself reasonable, she’s rather ignorant that gender concepts vary by culture. The US has a history of crushing people whose heritage and gender expressions doesn’t line up with the Anglo version.

  • The Jack of Sandwich

    How did men ever prove their manliness before the invention of guns?

  • SAO

    Too many cultures that fetishize ‘masculinity’ end up with needless violence. In Maine, a columnist who defended gun rights,( always with the argument that here, in Maine, we’re responsible, hunters, we know guns, all thise arguments don’t apply to us) was killed when he got a Christmas present of a new gun and was showing it to a nephew. Turned out it was loaded. Roughhousing often ends up bullying, particularly if it is allowed in families where some kids are older and bigger.

    I lived overseas for 25 years, but I moved back to the states when my husband retired. We took a vacation in Sri Lanka after having worried about the safety of it. That’s when the Boston Marathon bombing happened. I’m from the Boston area and all my family is there, so the irony was pretty strong.

  • heleninedinburgh

    I was little in the 1980s and sometimes went to play with my mother’s friend’s son. He owned a Barbie doll, and I used to pull off its head and run round the garden laughing when he tried to get it back, which my Mum basically took in her stride. Not stressing about whether your children conform completely to incredibly prescriptive socially-constructed gender norms isn’t that new.

    For the record, I am currently pretty femmy too. And not a serial killer, honestly.

    Unfortunately, Mum’s friend and her son moved away and we didn’t keep in touch; so I don’t know if having a Barbie doll made him gay.

  • Tawreos

    “And not a serial killer, honestly.”

    A serial killer would say that. =)

  • heleninedinburgh

    “Parents are trembling in fear of ‘little Johnny’ becoming the next school shooter just because he likes playing cops and robbers…”

    Or possibly of him becoming the next school shooter when he’s depressed, has been conditioned into ‘masculinity’ to the point that he can’t express his emotions in a non-violent way, and has easy access to firearms.

  • The Bofa on the Sofa

    Just because someone is young does not mean their advice is bad

    Then again, the blogger that is quoted here is a pretty good example of a young person who gives bad advice because they are too young to actually have a clue.

  • heleninedinburgh

    I don’t like the innuendo in that statement.

    I never even met those guys. Even the one they found without his head.

  • zenlike

    Wow, that article on traveling. Yeah, there are some hints of seemingly good advice in it, don’t get me wrong, some tourists do seem to believe the laws of the countries they travel to don’t seem to count, certainly when the country is ‘beneath’ them (or, as our vile nutjob calls them, ‘3rd world hell hole countries’), so yeah, good idea to check out the local laws and customs before traveling. And yes, applying some common sense when traveling in unknown countries is always a good idea. But the rest is just a gobbledygook of rightwing fearmongering, outright racism and bigotry, and utmost ignorance. I mean, “Ebola is in Africa and they had an epidemic of it just a few years ago”, does she even realise how fucking big Africa is?

    What an ignorant, shitty human waste of space (what is it with online commentators and bloggers who put ‘reason’ in their nickname?)

  • zenlike

    Except it’s not her age that is the problem, it’s her attitude, bigotry, and narrowmindness. The chances she will ever be able to give good advice are slim to none.

  • The Bofa on the Sofa

    Except it’s not her age that is the problem, it’s her attitude, bigotry, and narrowmindness.

    But all of that stems from ignorance, which is related to her age.

  • IM

    I understand your point but please stop linking school shooters to the mentally ill. Statistically, the mentally ill are more likely to be abused and have violence committed against them.

    The problem of school shooters comes from easy access to firearms and a society that handles issues in a violent way.

  • chemical

    Parents are trembling in fear over their “little Johnny” becoming the next school shooter all because he wants to play Cops and Robbers or Cowboys and Indians!

    It’s worth pointing out that in these games Group A and Group B try to kill each other. Also in the same paragraph:

    Gone are the days of boys playing soldiers…
    Gone are the days of dad showing their sons how to wrestle, or use dad’s gun one day, …

    It’s like they’re decrying school shootings and bullying, while setting up their kids to be bullies and school shooters.

    Also, any parents out there think this behavior is odd from a kid? I have a kid myself, and he’s almost 3. He likes playing with trucks, airplanes, spaceships, that sort of thing. He likes playing with a soccer ball, but “soccer” consists of me trying to kick the soccer ball into a bucket, while he picks it up and runs around the room. And he likes cooking. He had to help make the coffee this morning, and when I made pancakes the other day he wanted to add the milk, stir the batter, etc. He also plays with the utensils and will take the spatula, tongs, rolling pin, and mixing spoon out of the utensil drawer (knives have been moved to the top of the refrigerator). At no point did we decide what toys he should play with, he just picked those out on his own.

    Damn, it’s like these parents give birth to a kid and then immediately enlist him in the Army or something. I can’t even imagine.

  • Kevin K

    That’s a “honey badger” if ever I saw one.

  • Jennny

    Re:travel. My timid shy DD went to university 150m from home. The first week I was sure she would be calling home to ask us to fetch her back, she couldn’t hack it. Instead, she shared a house with 4 feisty girls. The first summer they inter-railed Europe. (That’s a ticket from the Uk that allows unlimited european rail travel). They visited most capital cities, slept on trains to keep costs down or camped occasionally to get a hot shower so it was on an incredibly small budget. 2nd summer she went to work in the USA and on graduation instead of becoming a maths teacher, took a TEFL course and went to teach in China for 6m. That became 4 years, she chose 6m placements in cities for variety, from Urumqi in the far west, to Hainan island in the south. She teamed up with other expats in the holidays and has visited parts of China that few foreigners have. And slept and eaten in some pretty backwoods conditions…I think travel was the making of her!

  • Saraquill

    I still remember the tantrum one commenter named “Rational Observer” had on a different blog.

  • Martin Penwald

    You can go to Google Maps and get a routing from North to South Africa. It’s way bigger than North America.

  • (((J_Enigma32)))

    Fox News Geezer syndrome.

    Age is never a substitute for wisdom, and the two are not linked at the hip.

  • (((J_Enigma32)))

    North Africa alone is large enough to encompass the whole of the United States.

  • Raging Bee

    That could be why she advises against traveling to foreign countries.

  • texassa

    Which studies did they cite about how boys are being raised “these days” versus “in the past?”

  • heleninedinburgh

    Well… yes. But from what I’ve read quite a lot of school shooters do have mental health problems.

  • AFo

    I have a younger sister and brother. We are all within three years of each other, so we grew up playing together. My sister and I liked Barbies, he liked Batman, and Ninja turtles, and we all liked power rangers. Sometimes when my sister and I played Barbies, he would go off and do his own thing, and when he got bored he would join us and Barbie would go on adventures in Gotham and her Jeep would be the temporary batmobile. I also had a cousin who preferred playing littlest pet shop with the girls over superheroes with the boys. All of us turned out just fine; my brother just bought his first house, and my cousin has been working as a nurse for four years, neither of them any worse for wear because they played with girls as children.

  • Benjamin Muller

    Here she rants on how liberals are ruining men by forcing them to be feminine.

    It is the so-called “men” among the right wing Christians who submit themselves to other men, like sheep, to be fleeced, coerced, and controlled. They constantly bleat that doing so is manly, but it looks pretty candy*** to me. There is nothing manly about living one’s life on one’s knees. I’m not saying or in anyway implying it’s feminine, only that it definitely isn’t masculine.

    Then just look at who they venerate as worthy of being leaders… people who talk tough and brave but never served and usually have records of doing everything they could to get out of situations that would prove, if they were real, their toughness and bravery. From Trump on down, it’s a parade of soft and weak charactered “men” trying to compensate for their lack of actual masculine virtue with bellicose posturing. A bunch of soft rich kids, playing what they think is tough guy, leading less privileged people who have only ever known class and religious subjugation. That’s what the so-called “men” on the right look like to me.

  • Kevin K

    My great-nephew (almost 2) LOVES the vacuum cleaner. We even got him a toy one, and he will absolutely wear it out. He also likes stacking things and then knocking down the column, and throwing the ball down the stairs to the basement (there’s a baby gate) so that whoever’s down there will throw it back up stairs.

  • EbbyBee

    Why must fundamentalists/evangelicals/conservatives always equate masculinity and violence? My husband is in very many ways very masculine. He wears lots of plaid, has a beard and enjoys woodworking. But he is also kind, loves small animals and musicals. He isn’t violent in the least. When we have to put a pet down he’s a mess for days. We had mice in the basement so he went out and bought live traps and dutifully emptied them every day far from home so he wouldn’t have to hurt the mice. Does that make him less of a man? Does the fact that he doesn’t enjoy killing things or ordering me around make him feminine? There are many ways to be a man or a woman (or neither if you’re non-binary) but these people are so concerned about the “proper order of things” they force themselves and everyone else around them into tiny boxes. They must be miserable.

  • kilda

    they hit people with sticks, probably. Like God intended.

  • chemical

    I got maybe 8 months out of the baby gate. My son started walking early at around 10 months. By 18 months he figured out how to compromise the gate. He pulled on the bottom corner while pushing on the opposite top corner, which rotated it away from being perpendicular to the floor. He only had to rotate it around 20 degrees or so to make a big enough space to fit between the gate and stairs.

    My kid is a climber, though. One day I found him on top of the kitchen counter — he pushed a chair in front of it to climb up and get the cookies we left in the cabinet.

  • Kevin K

    This gate is bolted into the walls. And is too tall for him to reach the mechanism, which requires a couple of complex adult maneuvers to open.

    Climbing is going to be his option. Couple of months, I think. He hasn’t quite gotten to that point.

  • lady_black

    I don’t even know what it means to be “masculinized” or “feminized” beyond the mere development that everyone goes through in utero.
    My stepfather loved to cook, and he was good at it. He was a cook in the Navy, and moonlighted as a chef when the family needed the income. Is he “feminized?” No. He just enjoys cooking. I despise shopping for shoes. I’d rather shop for power tools. I don’t do fashion. I don’t do kid’s parties. And as a decorator, I’m a better bricklayer. Am I “masculinized?” No. My talents are my talents. I’m all woman.
    And by the way, I liked to play Army when I was a kid, too. Also, cowboys and Indians. Roller Derby was a thing I remember playing, too. Why can’t parents allow their kids to be who they are? Because who they are might just be awesome!

  • lady_black

    The one they pulled from their anus.

  • persephone

    That, and she’s flat out a racist. She makes the comment about not walking through Harlem at night. Seriously?

  • persephone

    I’ve noticed on twitter than anyone who claims to be something isn’t. Snark isn’t. Logic isn’t. Rational isn’t. Stable genius isn’t. Thinker isn’t.

  • persephone

    I was Daddy’s helper. I’d hand him tools while working on cars, and he’d explain the basics of what he was working on. Can I tell you how many stupid comments I have heard men make about cars because they assume penis having = mechanical knowledge? I’d rather chop wood than do dishes. I’m always going to find new, faster, easier ways to accomplish housecleaning, because I hate it so much.

  • persephone

    This child sounds like an 18-year old girl who, a few years ago, posted on a blog about how to be a woman. Yes, 18. She had several girls respond with thumbs up. Then us old ladies stepped in and did some explaining.

    I get so tired of these kids, yes, kids, in their early 20s proclaiming how much knowledge and wisdom they have. They think big thoughts. Sometimes, they’re right. But, too often (and I’m going to add that plenty of old people are the same way), they assume their big thoughts are special and new, and obviously no one else in all of history ever has had such important thoughts. *eyeroll* A prime example is Charlie Kirk. He thinks his big thoughts, and his audience praises him, and then someone with actual knowledge takes his big thoughts apart.

    Their are plenty of sexist atheists. There are forced birth atheists and agnostics. Religion that involves a god is not a requirement for being shortsighted and clueless. All it takes is someone who believes they’re an authority to promote stupidity and have it spread among the mostly thoughtless.

    BTW, David Hogg just pissed off a lot of people. I appreciate his courage and energy, but do NOT come for Nancy Pelosi. Ever.

  • Raging Bee

    That’s not racist at all, she just thinks Harlem is a foreign country! /s

  • smrnda

    Yes, don’t travel to foreign countries. You might find out that your ideas of ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ are not universal, but vary between cultures.

  • smrnda

    I’m not saying or in anyway implying it’s feminine, only that it definitely isn’t masculine.

    To me, it sort of shows a failure to adult. Adults eventually take responsibility for their own choices, and quit expecting someone else to hand them the answers to life. Right Wing Christian leaders want followers who will never advance to that stage.

  • otrame

    I found my eldest standing on top of my kitchen counter, trying to reach the cabinet above because that’s were the cookies were. He was not quite walking yet, so he was less than 10 months at the time. You see, I’d left the dishwasher door open…

  • texassa

    Right. So often these people will write an entire blog dedicated to some “truth” they’ve observed and then have to dispute. Meanwhile, I’m still back on page 1, like, “uhhh I don’t even think what you started with is true.” Boys are being raised so differently today? Says who?

  • zenlike
  • otrame

    I knew a person once who loved housecleaning. She acknowledged that this was because she was ore than a little OCD about stuff.

    But me? I agree with Dave Berry who said he couldn’t get serious about any job that took three hours of hard work to accomplish and could be undone in three minutes by a three year old with a plate of crackers.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    She just pulled down her travel rant and the gendered rant. I guess she can’t take others discussing her ideas.

  • Julia Childress

    Didn’t they used to club women over the head, then drag them to the cave by the hair?

  • IM

    The only thing that would happen in Harlem, is that she’d find seasoned food and music that isn’t by Blake Shelton.

    I know that scares some people. /s

  • Julia Childress

    Same with my DH. Has a black black belt in karate, earned the highest shooting award available in the Army, is licensed in plumbing, electrical, and general contracting, and can take apart anything with an engine and fix it. Not to mention he has a private pilot’s license. He also cries during chick-flicks, loves to go to the mall, and is the most tender-hearted person you will ever meet (we’re very familiar with live-animal traps). The fundy stereotypes are just a load of BS.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    and she’s a racist fighting for white rights by blaming blacks for welfare et al –

  • lady_black

    Yeah… no, they aren’t. My boys are grown. And my daughter. I don’t think she’s raising hers any differently than she was raised.
    The main difference I see in parenting styles is this tendency for parents to “arrange” things, and hover over their children. But that’s not gendered. When I was a kid, we didn’t have “play dates!” We knocked on our friend’s doors and asked if they could come out to play. We went places unsupervised. During summer vacation, and on weekends, most kids were out the door right after breakfast, and as long as we were home in time for supper, we did anything we wanted. If we wanted to walk downtown, or to the library or movie theater, we just told our parents where we were going, and what time to expect us back.
    I guess back then all parents were “child abusers.” But I think kids today miss out on a lot of childhood adventures I grew up taking for granted. We became capable and independent a lot sooner than kids do today./rant over

  • lady_black

    Yeah… my husband taught me not to make such assumptions about penis = mechanical knowledge. Put a screwdriver in his hands, and he’ll put it to good use, breaking shit. He has no mechanical aptitude whatsoever. It’s a good thing I do.

  • IM

    Does that mean I should pay her a visit, miss? 😉

  • Carstonio

    “Masculinization of women” is straight out of A League of Their Own. I couldn’t find a clip of the scene, but now I picture Lori as the stern, uptight woman who delivered the radio rant.

  • Samantha Vimes

    ISIS in Costa Rica?
    That’s almost as bad as using “Hast to” instead of “Has to” in a title.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    LMAO! Yes, someone I know did think there was ISIS here.

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    She talks about “no girls allowed” tree houses and rough-housing and things “that boys like to do” but, gosh, I guess if there’s a huge problem of little boys doing things that are “too feminine” it must be because those are things boys like to do. It’ just that fewer parents (but still plenty of them so this blogger need not worry) are shaming their boys for liking to do those things. Most little kids are cuddly and affectionate but, traditionally, when those kids have been male, adults have decided that at a certain very young age, it is no longer okay for them to be sweet and loving and so they stifle those natural instincts of a child. Most children are fascinated by bright colors, shiny things, sparkly things etc. That’s why baby toys are brightly colored and kids like to draw with crayons and markers etc. But a boy wanting to wear something pink and sparkly or paint his fingernails? That’s different some how and it must be shut down! And, while most children go through a phase where they start becoming aware of how different sexes have different kinds of bodies, it doesn’t necessarily lead to them deciding that they must only play with children who have the same equipment between their legs as they do–until adults teach them so they can be proper boys! And of course, most children cry when they are sad are frustrated or angry–until adults tell boys that they’re not allowed to cry.

    There aren’t too many things that make me optimistic these days but one of the few is that I see so many more parents who refuse to limit the expression and interests of their sons in order to turn them into “proper boys.” They are not stopping their boys from doing things, they are allowing them to do more things. When I was a kid (and this was the 90s, folks, not ancient history!), even progressive parents very rarely thought to allow their boys to wear traditionally feminine clothing if the wanted to or to give them dolls to play with. Being gender-progressive then meant allowing your daughter to be a “tomboy” if she wanted to–often with the subtle message that “girly girls” were less smart or independent or original. (This still persists but more people are challenging it.) But I am seeing more and more kids being raised with the idea that “girly” (meaning sensitive, nurturing, non-aggressive, liking traditionally feminine colors or clothing, being more interested in dolls than in trucks–or maybe being equally interested in both!) is as good a thing to be as anything else–for kids of any gender. And I think it’s wonderful.

  • Saraquill

    The reason I stopped visiting one blog were the number of people declaring atheist=decent human being. While being racist, ableist and so on within the same sentence.

  • lady_black

    Yes, I found it amazing how much smarter my parents became, after I reached the age of about 25 or so.

  • persephone

    My kids are still learning.

    I’ll point out that I’ve been working for over 40 years, and that I have a little more knowledge about how things work with employers and employees. Also, going to the doctor, and what to say and point out.

  • crden

    Her comments are moderated. She’s not going to let mine stand, I bet.

    On the feminization of boys…I agree with many others here that I was less concerned with forcing my boys to conform to gender stereotypes and more concerned with giving them the confidence to stand up for themselves and the ability to do what they love, just being the best version of themselves they can be. Sure, there was some roughhousing, but not as much among my boys as some people portray boys doing. When they were little, I had a house where pirates bought presents for sea monsters and had tea with them, but Littlest Pet Shops were bent on world domination. One of them went through a phase of taking apart his Nerf guns and tweaking them to shoot better. I don’t have a problem if they want to learn to shoot for togetherness with their dad and grandfather, but they also bond by doing things like cooking together. I do not believe in “boys will be boys” — if you’re misbehaving, you’re misbehaving, and you need to own your behavior. EVERYONE needs to be treated with respect and dignity, no exceptions.

    If you treat kids as people who have their own interests rather than having to conform to some outside standard of masculinity or femininity, I think you’re more likely to end up with more competent adults. And…I’m biased, but I think my kids are becoming interesting adults in addition to being competent. They can talk to a wider variety of people, they’re willing to try new things, they’re willing to own up to mistakes and do their best to right them, and they strive to treat others the way they wish to be treated, understanding that consent is a real thing and that kindness (not niceness, that’s different) is a good thing.

    I do want to say as a gun owner that we need to be far more careful about guns than we are, and my primary concern with guns lines up with the primary risk associated with guns — suicide. I’ve had several suicides by gun in my extended family, and we have at times removed the gun from our house even though it’s well locked up and difficult to get to when it is here.