Young Women Only Allowed Housework and Motherhood?

Young Women Only Allowed Housework and Motherhood? October 8, 2018

So we all know that nothing makes The Transformed Wife’s Lori Alexander happier than limiting the daily lives of all those who follow her. All the while denegrating anyone that disagrees with her as ‘nasty women’. So mature, so loving, so Jesus-like! (/sarcasm intended). Why is it that everything this woman writes borders on hate speech towards one group or another? Now she’s claiming that young women must cook, clean and do childcare. They are not allowed outside interests of any sort, particularly those involving making money on the internet.

Why would this be? Could it be that Lori is afraid that the Ayla Stewart types writing blogs on crafts or making your own laundry soap will steal her thunder and readers? Or is it just that Lori cannot take any slight competition for the crown she seeks of Queen of the Internet? Gonna be hard being Queen of the Interwebs when you’re banned from Facebook. 

So no crafts or mommy blogging allowed? Just her old bitter woman trying to make everyone else in the world feel guilty and condemened while being pushed into a very limited role. Classy. Just so like Jesus!

The sad thing is that Lori Alexander has followers would will feel guilty over things they love, like crochet or quilting, or decorating their homes, put down that side interest to be more holy when it does not matter a  hill of beans.  Let your crocheted freak flag fly, and do those small things that make you happy. Don’t listen to the fount of unhappiness Lori Alexander. Just because she does not have an interest in it does not make it sinful. What about her pile of Hallmark Channel movies? By her own metric they are sinful, yet she watches them.

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

I Fired God by Jcoelyn Zichtermann

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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping ithe plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. You can read more about the author here.

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  • Saraquill

    Lori ignores that she’s a rarity in having a spouse who can support her unemployed self for decades. Modern economic policy has made it very difficult to get by on a single income. I say it’s a sensible and loving thing to help add to the family finances.

  • Anri

    “Obviously, this doesn’t apply to me. Thank you for asking.”

  • Tawreos

    I think that throughout history both people working to sustain the household was the norm rather than the exception.

  • Tawreos

    Maybe these women find discontentment with “god’s calling for their lives” because they are not hearing or feeling the call. I always though a calling in religious terms was a personal calling. As in someone feels the calling to become a missionary, a priest or a nun, something more personal. Lori is using it as a general calling that everyone should have. I do have to admit that maybe I am reading to much into this and Lori is just pissed off because she is no good at arts and crafts and can’t handle anyone being better than she is at anything.

  • Saraquill

    Thanks for pointing that out. I was thinking specifically of how people romanticize the 1950s and the housewife in pearls.

  • Tawreos

    People like her do love to view Leave It To Beaver as a documentary instead of fiction.

  • Nightshade

    ‘Lori is just pissed off because she is no good at arts and crafts and can’t handle anyone being better than she is at anything.’ Among other things, I think. Lori uses herself as the measure by which she judges all other women. Lori didn’t profit from a college education, so no other woman should go to college. Lori hated working outside the home, so women being employed is sinful. Lori doesn’t like leggings, so God hates them too, and women aren’t allowed to wear them. Lori is a cold bitch who doesn’t know how to love, so she finds a verse about older women teaching younger about loving their husbands, and of course women by their very nature can’t love without being taught. She thinks all women are like her, and what she can’t/won’t do is God’s Perfect Plan for all.

  • I thought I read that the whole idea of folks working outside the home in large numbers is more of a result of the Industrial Revolution.

  • I always though a calling in religious terms was a personal calling.

    Well…it depends. For fundagelicals, it must conform to their norms, or it is not considered God. Sometimes, they think God will have you do things you don’t like. Also, sometimes “prophets” and “apostles” will give prophetic words (in which they claim God is saying something) claiming God is saying you are called to XYZ. That creates social pressure to follow a course of action.

  • Does this mean Lori will give up her blog?

    Or does it seem like Lori is like Serena Joy?

  • Sastra

    I think the idea that all women should feel the same ‘calling’ is descended from the fixed belief that all human beings have the same ‘calling’ — an innate desire to seek, find, and love God (the Christian God.) An ability to believe this despite living in a world in which the majority is not Christian, and a fair minority does not even believe God exists, apparently turns into a useful habit across the board.

    Not seeking God? Rebellion. Not finding the right God? Rebellion. Not enjoying full time homemaking? Rebellion. Not tucking sheets in correctly? Rebellion. The underlying assumption seems to be that there is no real choice except obedience or rebellion. Preferences and personality don’t come into it. Circumstances are only an excuse — unless they’re unavoidable and you regret the circumstances. The problem here goes deep, I think.

  • SAO

    I’ve been working in a project on affordable housing in my city, which is a very difficult problem. When I work on it all day, my mind strays to it if I wake up at night and I have newish ideas. I can easily imagine if Lori stews on something that bothers her all day, prays for God’s guidance before bed and then wakes up with some thoughts, she thinks it came from God. She may sincerely believe this. But if she prayed to Satan, Buddha or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, she’d have had the same thoughts at night

  • AFo

    Well, if these women find satisfaction in their lives through these outlets, what would they need Lori for? I think that’s her real fear.

  • katiehippie

    Lori needs a hobby that actually involves making something. Then she might be happier.

  • MadScientist1023

    Thank you! How does a woman blogger who sells books not see the irony/hypocrisy of telling other women that God doesn’t want them to have blogs or earn money?

  • Jen (*.*)

    Found this gem on her website…

    Anyway. She is the epitome of cherry picking scripture. She’s done several posts on Proverbs 31 but conveniently leaves out where the woman successfully conducts business.

  • Rosa

    This coming from the woman whose doughter in law has an Etsy-shop where she sells jewelry despite having three children and a fourth coming in november. The DIL also has a Instagram account with the jewelry. AND Lori and Ken are looking after the grandkids a couple of days a week.

    So why didn´t she write about that you can have some business working from home? Some ideas about how you can make money while doing something you like? That grandkids can be at granny while you do your craft?

    And about the making money, the jewlry the DIL sells are kind of pricey so I guess she makes money.

  • Nightshade

    But Serena Lori is above the law she dictates for others. It’s ‘do as I say, not as I do’!

    Edit: At least until she loses a finger. Then I bet she’d change her tune.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    Lori doesn’t actually believe anyone has a calling to seek, find and love God, as far as I can tell, since nothing she writes suggests that anyone should take an interest in doing so. Rather she commands women to ignore God entirely and concentrate on the housework.

  • Ruthitchka

    I never had the opportunity to be a housewife, but I did have some interests that I cultivated when I had a moment, while raising my sons. When they grew up and moved out I actually felt a bit irrelevant, even though I have a career and a couple of hobbies that I enjoy. I thought, “Now what?”

    I imagine that the empty-nest feeling is much worse for a woman whose religion doesn’t permit her to be herself at all, but rather tells her to focus completely on hubby, the kids, and the house.

    Of course, women aren’t human beings like men are, right?

  • Mimc

    Isn’t that the DIL she is constantly criticizing?

  • Mel

    Kind of. The industrial revolutions was part of it – but an earlier driver was the rise of a cash economy.

  • Sastra

    Really? I took a brief look at her website and found “The reason I have chosen the title “The Transformed Wife” is because God, through His Spirit and His Word, have transformed and will continue to transform me into the godly woman that He has called me to be.”

    Sounds like you (a woman) fulfill your purpose to seek and find God through doing housework as He has called you to do. There also seems to be the usual stuff about raising godly children through constant propaganda re His Spirit and His Word, which would be difficult if you ignore God and leave him out of it.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    I was careful in my words. Lori isn’t interested in anyone seeking, finding or loving God, rather in having everyone do what she, Lori, thinks God wants them to do, which is basically just doing housework. My point is that while Lori bangs on about God all the time, nothing which she actually advocates as “God’s will” has anything to do with any form of religious or spiritual practice, or experiencing or encountering God: it’s all basically about putting on a good show of respectable subservient domesticity for the husband and the neighbours.

  • Saraquill

    I approve this nickname.

  • Allison the Great

    You’re right, Lori is a cold bitch. She assumes every woman must be like her because she is incapable of empathy.

  • Sastra

    Would that be true even if Lori genuinely felt as if she was closer to God and in harmony with His will while doing housework?

    Buddhists often consider mundane tasks to be a form of spiritual practice. So I can at least conceive of the possibility that Lori feels a type of bliss while doing dishes, and uses such moments as opportunities to experience the transcendent God she’s created inside her head.

    If so, then she’s not a hypocrite. Deluded fanatic on the loose, maybe, but sincerely so.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    I have no doubt that Lori is quite sincere in her fanaticism – her hypocrisy lies elsewhere, in her apparent complete blindness to the fact she is not in fact following her own advice.
    However, there is nothing in Lori’s writing that I have seen that has anything resembling the Buddhist, or indeed Christian, tradition of finding the presence of God in day-to-day work and service, or any suggestion of mundane tasks as spiritual exercise or practice. Nor indeed is there anything I have seen that suggests Lori experiences the transcendent at all, or any sense of God. Everything she writes (again at least that I have seen) is about how everyone must do as she says not so as to experience the divine, but because God, or Satan, or whatever will punish them if they don’t, or they, or their children will suffer for it. The experience of God, or of the transcendent or spiritual simply doesn’t figure in anything she says, again at least in anything I have seen. (Admittedly what I have seen is basically from this blog or links from it, so there is the possibility of smidgen of bias.)

  • persephone

    Absolutely. Women do about 80% of the labor in the world, but only hold about 10% of the wealth, because so much of their labor is in the home, but also working for the family, on farms, or small businesses, especially family businesses and farms.

  • persephone

    They never get that the Cleaver’s were 1%-ers.

  • Cynthia

    Lori knows nothing about history and thinks that the Hallmark channel is showing documentaries.

    The whole idea of people going “out” to work at all is largely a relatively modern idea. Previously, most people were basically peasants. The idea of a class of women who could not “work” is even more recent, as it would have been limited to the economically elite previously. If you are sewing your own clothes, doing washing by hand, churning butter, growing your own vegetables, milking the cow, etc. – you are working. The Proverbs 31 wife was definitely working.

    In the first part of the 20th century, even many women based at home were still “working” in this way. In addition, many immigrant women were either doing factory work or working in sweatshops at home. Some also worked in family stores. It really wasn’t until the 1950s that a combination of technological progress (cars, laundry machines, refrigerators, modern ovens, freezers, etc.) and economic growth allowed more wives to stay at home and have a certain amount of leisure. Also, around that time, it was finally possible for women to relax somewhat and not have more kids in the expectation that at least one would die.

  • persephone

    Lori has condemned other women regularly for things she and her daughters have done. Lori has decided that she should wear skirts as much as possible, so, despite all the photos of her on the beach–she lives in San Diego–in shorts, her followers–and this is definitely a fight for followers and attention–should never wear shorts, no matter how long or loose.

    Women must focus on home and housekeeping, dress modestly, and not draw attention, yet her daughter was a member of a ballet troupe for many years before marrying.

    Lori tells women to serve their husbands in all things, and follow them without question, yet she deliberately sabotaged her birth control to get pregnant and stay home, despite her husband wanting her to get a job.

    Don’t give Lori credit for thinking or focusing. Lori is a very messed up person. She is almost certainly suffering from at least one mental illness, but I’m not a medical person so it would only be a guess. Narcissism is almost certainly part of it. But I’m sure that a major reason for her escalating behavior over the last few years is that she’s an empty nester, her husband works full time, and she has health issues, all of which leave her sitting at home, alone, with only the Hallmark channel and a bottle of chardonnay for company. (The chardonnay is a guess, but Lori does watch the Hallmark channel.) Her bitterness is pouring forth on the internet, but too many women, desperate to find happiness in their own miserable, fundie lives, are willing to hang on her every word.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    What is it about Lori thinking God wants people to suffer in misery because she’s decided that any female who leaves the house to go someplace where she performs work in exchange for money, is going against her ‘calling’ and should be dutifully at home cleaning along with raising all the babies she’s supposed to have because…uhh…I dunno dominionist reasons.

    Lori, knock it off.

  • Atheisticus

    Funny, that.

  • texassa

    What if the bible is just a book and has no relevance to god, truth, or anything? What if these women and girls are sacrificing their interests, needs, desires, aspirations, and well-being – day after day, year after year – for no reason? What if.

  • Jezebel’sOlderSister

    In a way, I feel sorry for people like Lori. I think a lot of her limited thinking is because of the way she was raised. I would really hope that there is a vital, creative, thinking woman trapped in her mind, who would only need permission to lay aside these horrible thoughts to get out and see the real world. But. maybe not (SMH).

  • Jezebel’sOlderSister

    I do know a couple of women whose worlds were centered on their children. One of my Sisters-in-Law who would, if my brother let her, keep her brilliant daughter living at home instead of letting her grow her wings in the academic world. My niece is really that smart — Gamma Sigma Alpha and she started the Sorority chapter in her University, and she has two BS degrees (one in psychology and one in criminal science) and is working on her MS, with an eye to getting a PhD.). My niece has moved out to her own apartment closer to her school and her job (at the University), which is only about 20 miles away from her parents’ home. My SIL is going nuts over this. My nephew still lives with his parents — I can hardly wait until he can get his career going and move out.