Bruce Gerencser drew my attention last week to one of the most ridiculous pieces ever published by Michael Pearl in the No Greater Joy magazine. It’s one of those letters to the Pearls, and I don’t think this is one of the letters that the Pearls might self pen. At least I hope it’s not because the contents have been making me guffaw for a while now.

The letter is written by a young man who is upset that a young woman in his youth group is busy defrauding him by reminding him and the other boys in their group of lady parts. He’s downright indignant and incensed that a mere female could barge in and affect them like that. How dare this strumpet try to horn in on their guitar time!

(sorry for the extreme sarcasm but there is nothing funnier than an outraged prig.)

Michael titled this one ‘The Shaft’ and yes, yes, there is a shaft problem, but it’s not the girls problem.

What does his mother’s marital status have to do with that WHOLE FIVE INCHES between this hapless girl’s knees? Bearing the pain of imaging she has a vagina because of the way she sits? It’s not like she’s completely spread eagle wearing crotchless panties here. Girl’s shaft, huh.

Simple solution, one that the Duggars would approve, look at your shoes if this poor craven loose girl with the small knee gap that reminds you of vaginas. Don’t look. It really is that simple.

I don’t know, perhaps this is a parody, but I don’t think so. Too bad he’s not talking about this ‘Shaft’ – shut yo mouth.

He continues on in a similar vein, complaining that the pastor and youth pastor will not deal with this shaft situation and that she’s manipulating all the guys in the class into having evil evil erections. He concludes by comparing her five inch knee gap with having cigarette smoke blown in your face and threatens to start a home church to get away from The Shaft!

Michael answers just about like you would expect. Blame the girl and ordering the boy to stay pure.

Michael does start his bit with a story from the early days of his preaching, by having older ladies put towels over the knees of young women in the front row lest he view their shaft.

Have either the young man or Michael been anywhere near a swimming pool or beach lately? It might be too much and short out their brains.

This is not a problem with how young women, or old women for that fact, dress. It’s men looking, Offended? Don’t look. Turned on? Don’t look.

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