Let Children Experience Pain?

Let Children Experience Pain? April 29, 2019
Screen cap from YouTube. Meme from imgflip.com

Spent a while this evening looking for the recent postings of Evangelical pontificators calling the HBO show “Game of Thrones” pornography. Sunday’s night episode 3 of this season was intense, and I wanted to compare the show to porn. There were absolutely no naked people, sex or sexuality in this episode. PornHub has reported that usage of their site drops dramatically when “Game of Thrones” airs.

I seem to remember Lori recently complaining about the show, comparing the little flashes of nudity on the show with hard cord penetration porn. Makes me laugh because while we have seen sex on the show it’s like comparing a fire cracker to a nuclear war head. I looked in my saved Lori links and came up with this snippy piece written by Lori claiming that it is good to allow your kids to have some pain.

I allowed my children to suffer at times, because I loved them.  Yes, if they broke their arm and were in extreme pain, I would give them Tylenol.  If they had a fever, however,  I would try to make them as comfortable as possible without trying to bring their fever down, because I knew that the fever is a good thing that kills the sickness in their bodies.

Alright, so she does not believe in treating standard fevers. I personally find that cruel because why would you not try to make your child comfortable with something to bring down their fevers if they are in pain?

But it’s this bit that is so dangerous about the type of thinking that it’s okay to make a child feel pain.

I often wonder if drugs are such a problem in today’s society, because parents gave their children drugs for every little thing when they were growing up.  When they grew up they reasoned, “I am in pain.  This is a bad thing. I must take away the pain so I must take drugs.”

No, Lori, just no. There is a world of difference between a child getting a Tylenol for a headache or fever, and someone snorting up a line of cocaine or shooting heroin. Not even in the same stratosphere.  If you are in emotional pain so intensely that illegal drugs are the only way to ease the pain it surely did not start with a Tylenol for a headache. She’s extrapolating stupidly outward.

Many people believe pain and suffering are bad things.  They are not.  They are teachers that can teach us good things, like obeying authority and allowing our bodies to heal themselves naturally without the side effects of drugs.
You don’t injure people to teach them a lesson. Earlier in this piece she talked of smacking her children to stop them from biting while nursing, and of other spank-able moments. Using pain to teach someone is one of the worst ideas. You teach that the strongest biggest person always gets their way. That cruelty is acceptable. That their parents harm them to teach them a lesson.
And Lori thinks the sex and violence of “Game of Thrones” is the problem? I fear she would have done worse than the Red Woman did to Princess Shireen.

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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here.
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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Jennny

    Anecdote. I hosted an african x-tian here in the UK for a conference – he was paid for by a UK church. He’d never left his poor home area before. He caught a cold so I offered him Paracetemol (Tylanol to you.) He took 2 gratefully and handed the packet back – costing 20p here. I said to keep it and take more. Somehow I found out he’d kept the rest to take home to his small children. I bought him 10 packets to take home, costing me less than the price of a Starbucks coffee. I wondered what it must be like to have no access to simple remedies when my children were suffering. Like with anti-vaxxers, I wonder if we were to tell folk from poverty-stricken countries that wonderful ways to keep our families healthy, at little cost, were freely available to us – and we didn’t use them. They’d think we were stir-crazy. It’s all part of Lori et al’s complete lack of understanding that babies, right from the start must have their physical, emotional and mental needs met by their care-givers if they are to grow into well-rounded adults. I shudder to think of her callous disregard for her kids’ pain.

  • A. Noyd

    Oh, FFS. Pain has side effects too!

  • French Pandora

    Of course since people never took drugs before our modern and corrupted era, the Opium wars with China and Sherlock Holmes injecting himself cocaine doesn’t exist.

    *Roll eyes*

  • Mel

    I recently finished an awesome book on how raising children has changed over time called “Act Natural” that explains why sleep issues for kids became a thing in the 1950’s. That’s when it became passe to give your kids soothing syrups that contained opium or alcohol when they were sick…or before bedtime.

  • Mel

    I’m so glad my son ended up with me as a parent instead of Lori.

    When my son was born at 26 weeks, I was really clear on exactly one thing: my job as his mother was to focus on doing what made him the most comfortable as he fought for his life.

    The doctors want to put him on a ventilator instead of an NIPPV even though that’s a step “backwards”? Do it. He’s clearly uncomfortable on the NIPPV from the air in his stomach and abdomen and much happier on the ventilator.

    He likes skin-to-skin? I’ll did it for as long as he wanted it even though I found having to sit perfectly still in a room with alarms going off all the time anxiety provoking.

    You want to offer him a paci at 27 weeks gestation? Go for it; he deserves something fun in his life.

    New nurse wants to keep Spawn swaddled in 3 receiving blankets so he remains flexed (e.g., curled up like a newborn instead of laying flat like he prefers) even though Spawn is a hot, sweaty mess of a crabby baby because he’s more than warm enough in one blanket? Talk to the nurse, decide that I’m staying until shift change while unwrapping Spawn and arranging the blankets to look like he’s got three wrapped around him.

    Teething is bad? Tylenol. Running a fever as a non-newborn? Tylenol. Rolled off the couch and smacked his head on the floor as a toddler: cuddles and a TV show while the Tylenol is kicking in.

    Look, Spawn is determined and feisty as hell already. That’s not what I need to teach him; I need to teach him good self-care because driven people like me and him forget to take care of ourselves while striving to reach our goals.

  • Michael Neville

    In the 1880s flogging was outlawed in the Royal Navy. Many naval officers claimed that this would cause discipline to plummet and lawlessness to become rampant. Of course nothing like that happened. Lori strikes me as one of those people who would complain about the abolition of flogging.

  • Nightshade

    I wonder how much pain Lori endures before taking something for it. I’d guess not much.

  • Saraquill

    I understand not wanting to exceed the recommended amounts of painkiller in a day. Depending on the drug, it can rip stomach lining, damage the liver, or other issues. Lori’s just being a jerk.

  • Nea

    “would complain”? Flogging is hitting another person with a thin, flexible weapon, which is pretty much exactly what the Pearls command. Lori has undoubtedly both flogged and caned her children and, like Pearl, called it a “spanking.”

  • Nea

    Many people believe pain and suffering are bad things. They are not. They are teachers that can teach us good things, like obeying authority

    That the lesson actually taught is “Authorities mete out abuse, therefore I must become an ‘authority’ somehow and then I get to dish it out all I want” is presumably a little too nuanced for Lori. Maybe she’ll get it rephrased as “might makes right.”

  • Tawreos

    Spent a while this evening looking for the recent postings of Evangelical pontificators calling the HBO show “Game of Thrones” pornography. Sunday’s night episode 3 of this season was intense, and I wanted to compare the show to porn.

    I know I have been calling episode 3 Hopelessness Porn. They seemed to spend so much time driving home how hopeless it all was I started to wonder if someone got off on that.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Knowing it was the same director that did the Battle of Hardhome and the Battle of the Bastards I was kind of expecting it to be hopeless like that. Damn, Ayra completely shocked me at the end. The character deaths were not surprising, no one from the A players.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Does that mean she’s hooked on drugs?

  • Nightshade

    Dunno, but given her complaints about how much pain she suffers with, and her ‘do as I say, not as I do’ way of doing things…well, it wouldn’t really surprise me.

    Edited to add another thought…I bet she would be a nightmare for a pain management doctor.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    People can and do learn lessons from pain, in the sense that the pain teaches you fire is hot, and dangerous and not to touch it. Odd that Lori didn’t pick that one. What she means is that inflicting pain is a good teaching method: which it is if the lesson you want someone to learn is that you can’t trust anyone, “love” means bullying and the correct way to get what you want is by force.

  • Friend

    A fever is a SYMPTOM. If you aren’t going to medicate it, at least figure out WHY the child has a fever. Yes, a low-grade fever might be harmless or perhaps even beneficial. But, as usual, Lori just gives a broad answer freighted with risk to helpless children. High fevers can cause permanent brain damage.

    From the Mayo Clinic website:

    “For infants and toddlers, a slightly elevated temperature may indicate a serious infection. […]

    “Children between the ages of 6 months and 5 years might experience febrile seizures. About a third of the children who have one febrile seizure will have another one, most commonly within the next 12 months. […]

    “An unexplained fever is greater cause for concern in infants and in children than in adults.”


    And finally: I am not a doctor, but I do know how to call one.

  • AFo

    Again with her not treating her sick kids. I guess Lori had much more important things to do than keep her kids healthy, although I have no idea what, since she didn’t work and spouts nonsense all the time about how child-rearing is the most important thing a mother can do.

  • smrnda

    I can’t really think of any lesson that can be taught with pain that isn’t just as easy to learn without it. People tend to want to avoid pain. If they know something will hurt or is dangerous, they can simply avoid it without having to learn from experience. If pain is being used to teach ‘obey authorities’ then the only lesson being taught is that authorities are people who will use violence to make you obey. This doesn’t really make their authority legitimate.

    And I also don’t see what’s wrong with people using medication to be pain free. If a person has chronic pain, and the cause cannot be fixed with some timetable for ‘you will no longer need medication at this point’ then medication seems like the only way a person can function. It’s probably a bad idea for someone to load up on over the counter painkillers without knowing what’s wrong, but that’s more a problem with the US medical system and the fact that many people can’t take time off work to ‘let their bodies heal naturally.’

  • I was taught that if a temp is under 101, as a general rule, if the patient was not uncomfortable, there are some benefits to holding Tylenol/IBU. When the body raises its own metabolic rate which is reflected by temperature, I’ve heard some physicians claim that it accelerates the action of white blood cells. But if the patient is miserable, you should medicate them. (At least she’s not telling people to give Aspirin, creating Reye’s Syndrome victims!) https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/36ad5009f59f6001ec9081e18b4a739cf8b1f4c66030a8a4e85c467239b4ec48.png

  • This suffering theme is actually a manifestation of the sunk cost fallacy. (I think, without stopping to look it up.). You tell yourself that an outcome is more valuable if you’ve suffered for it. This is so prevalent in Quiverfull, isn’t it?

  • Shan

    Allow your kids to feel pain, as in “let them try things they want to do even if they might fail”? Sure, that’s awesome. You should try things. Failure hurts, but it’s an important lesson to learn how to manage that and not fear trying something just because it might not work

    Allow your kid to feel pain as in “You better have broken a bone if you want any sort of painkiller, kid”? What kind of monster are you, Lori?

  • Tiggycat

    My son had to be taught using pain, inflicted by authority. The authority was the Laws of Physics.

    In third grade he was allowed to ride his bike to school. He liked to ride as fast as possible and did not stop at intersections to see if it was safe to cross We talked to him, took away his bike for days at a time and his dad even rode with him to school, showing him the safe way to cross and all that. Eventually, he was knocked down by cars twice, but not injured. We took his bike away and he had to walk home from school for 2.5 years.

    For sixth grade my Mother in law wanted to get him a bike as he had grown out of his old one. We had talks about safety, Dad rode with him to school again.

    Fast forward 7 weeks into the school year. Racing down the sidewalk on his bike, he decides to run over a large pine cone. Locks up the front tire, flies over the handlebars and ends up with a compound fracture of both bones in his forearm. After surgery, a 4 day stay in the hospital, a cast for 6 weeks, a brace for another 4 weeks, no P.E. for 3 months and has to rely on me for drop offs and pick ups for school he learned his lesson. The laws of gravity, physics and cement finally taught him to be more careful on his bike.

    I am certain that if we had spanked him it would not have changed his unsafe habits. Natural consequences was what it took. He really believed that he was in total control on his bike and smart enough and lucky enough to avoid any danger. He was lucky it only resulted in a broken arm. BTW he healed completely and is much more careful.

  • persephone

    My older son as a baby, got a cold and was running a fever. I took him to the pediatric urgent care, and the doctor told me that if his temperature rose and/or he started vomiting, to take him immediately to the ER, because a baby’s condition can turn on a dime, because they don’t have immunities built up and they don’t have the strength and body to fight a battle. I did end up taking him to the ER later than night, but his fever broke just as we saw the doctor and he was then able to keep down some formula.

    A few months later, he developed a fever that kept going up. It was viral, so his pediatrician had me give him Tylenol every four hours and Motrin every six hours. It lowered his temperature enough to let him sleep, then it finally broke after about a day and a half.

  • persephone

    Lyanna Mormont deserved a tribute. That child killed the undead giant that had already killed several people.

  • Delilah Hart

    Leaving a fever untreated is not only cruel, it’s also potentially deadly. I once knew a woman whose toddler daughter had a seizure brought on by a high fever, despite her mother’s best efforts to treat her. Thankfully, the little girl survived after being taken to the ER.

  • 24CaratHooligan

    My little dragonlet was born via ventouse and forceps and came out looking like she’d just done 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. The first stuff she ever had in her tiny little newborn tummy on the outside of the womb was Calpol (baby tylenol?). She was minutes old and was in more pain than me at that point, so yeah, give them the drugs, all the drugs.