Sexual Abuse: Not Your Fault, But Yes it is Your Fault

Sexual Abuse: Not Your Fault, But Yes it is Your Fault April 8, 2019
Screen cap from YouTube. Meme from imgflip.com

Part two of the Botkin Sisters series on how to avoid being abused. I thought this was about spiritual abuse, but it works out to just be about sexual abuse. Why not just come out and say the words ‘sexual abuse’?

First a quick word of apology. When I first looked this, a newer site by Anna Sophia and Elizabeth Botkin, I didn’t notice that the date on the articles was from a year ago. Old stuff, but sort of a legalistic twister. They tell you not to blame yourself for the sexual abuse, then turn around and blame you for your own abuse.

In this second chapter titled “Spiritual Self Defense: Part 2 Know What God Requires” states again that their fictional heroine/sinner Emily is not to be blamed for her date rape, but she is if you read their list of three ways she should have acted.

First they state that you must know God’s word on these things and confront that sin in the man (or woman) at first tiny sign. I would imagine knowing how incredibly sheltered both of these young women are that this could entail something as simple as a man saying ‘Hello’ to them.

Plus one man’s friendly hello is also a creep’s start to the conversation. It takes wisdom, life experience dealing with many different types of people and the ability to tell the creepers from the keepers.

Then step two is be get away from the person, not always the easiest thing to do.

So let’s all blame Emily for not confronting his flirtatious sin, followed by not shooting his gonads off with her Glock to get away from him. Hmm, somehow this sounds very blaming.

It’s not always possible to get away from someone sexually assaulting you. You might be held at knife point, or other weapon. Women are usually smaller and not necessarily as physically strong as a man. Fighting off a 200 pound man with a weapon determined to have sex with you is not exactly easy. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to survive and report to law enforcement. Put the Glock away.

Right after spouting this crying out nonsense they try to claim that they understand why you might be silent or in shock. Everything about this piece says one thing and then another.

So they think if someone puts a knife to your throat and you cannot cry out with out having your throat cut followed by a brutal rape that ends with you being tossed in a ditch to die does not meet that standard?

It’s very telling that the Botkin Sisters list of people to tell about the abuse lists law enforcement as the last option. It should be the first place you turn after being assaulted, if for no other reason to allow them to gather evidence (DNA, hair and fiber evidence, witnesses) and investigate. Imagine running to tell your boss, parents and pastor after you’d been raped, tearfully drug yourself home to take a scalding hot two hour shower and endlessly discussed it with your own personal peanut gallery. Evidence lost, memories possible muddled or polluted, the chances of convicting your assailant go way down.

It’s pretty obvious that the only types of sexual assault they consider is date rape and a boss trying to molest you. The spectrum of types of assault is much broader.

Please do not take in the by turns blaming and immature words of these two. This is like watching a tree try to explain human emotions. They are speaking of things they have exactly zero experience with. There are loads of better advice on how to handle sexual abuse online. RAINN is a good place to start, not the Botkins.


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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here.
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