Helicopter Parenting Quiverfull Style?

Helicopter Parenting Quiverfull Style? July 10, 2019
This is not the devil. Raw chocolate seeds still in the pod and quite delicious! It is just another food source, but obviously another sin trigger for Shalom Pearl Brand

Today while reading through various Quiverfull blogs and information I decided to read through some of Shalom Pearl Brand’s articles in the newest No Greater Joy magazine. Shalom has a few, trying to fill out the content of the magazine that would have been just her mother Debi’s writings. Michael Pearl, family patriarch and main writer in the magazine is completely missing in action now. What Shalom shares seem to be helicopter parenting Quiverfull style.

It’s horrifying and all over the place. Shalom starts off talking relentlessly about how ‘sneaky’ children are. Shalom does not seem to realize that kids are only sneaky when the parents are overately strict.  Shalom recounts tales of her siblings sneakiness, and bemoans it, saying it created in her a desire to live openly and honestly with no sneaking around.

Good for her! But then she goes to apply that in stupid ways and starts promoting that brain plasicity book written by her mother.

Shalom points out the obvious and tells a tale from her divorced brother Gabe. Her point is that you cannot forbid chocolate yourself as a parent and then sneak around eating chocolate. Fair enough. But why would you completely ban chocolate in the first place? It does have some important health benefits. Teaching children to eat all things in moderation is a part of parenting too. Forbidding something only sets up the kid to want it so badly and develop a possible unhealthy relationship with that food or item.

She seems to think that the possibility of the child sneaking or stealing a bit of candy is what happens. That sneaking that Hershey’s Kiss or Jolly Rancher is a million times worse than many sins. Never realizing if she didn’t forbid it so much that would be less likely to happen.

And then we awkwardly end up here:

Many parents simply do not believe that their wonderfully obedient and wholesome child—with whom they have a completely “open relationship”—would look at porn. Parents have no idea what modern porn portrays. Even on small-children’s sites or searches, one click can lead to graphic group homosexuality. My mom’s new book, Create a Better Brain through Neuroplasticity: A Manual for Mamas, shows how scientists, through the use of scans, have proven that porn literally shrinks the brain and kills the conscience. For a young developing brain this can be devastating mentally, emotionally, and socially as well as spiritually.

One  minute it’s chocolate and now we’re at porn and Mama’s dumb book? Holy Batman that’s one awkward segue!

One study, one study only, has shown that regular porn users had very slight shrinkage and lower activation of the reward processing and activation area, very small area of the brain. So Debi’s claims of bran warping as tenuous as best. It’s more considered a function of a principal of basic learning. Interestingly enough porn does not light up the same parts of the brain that addiction does.

Disputing the fact that even toddlers key searches bring up gay orgies. That’s just plain old fear mongering. But then again, these are people that want to believe that others staple porn to trees in the forest too, and think “Law & Order: SVU” is porn.

Shalom suddenly realizes via her parents that allowing small amounts of sweets sneak-proves your kids against sweets. Not exactly, but it is a step forward in her reasoning processes. Normalizing eating sweets is the first step towards robbing them of their seductive power.

She follows the porn and chocolate with claims that you must keep your kids busy because that old chestnut about idle hands and the devil (porn and chocolate). Then the ultimate in helicopter parenting I’ve seen in Quiverfull:

Children that are left to themselves have a higher risk of being sneaky. I trust my children and know I have a good relationship with them, but I also have a mirror phone connection so that their phones are mirrored on mine and they know I see everything they write or see. I hold them accountable and they can see my phone so they can hold me accountable. I can’t eat chocolate without them knowing and sharing.

So how does the phone play into them knowing she’s eating chocolate? I’m confused here.

What I do know is that having your children’s phones mirrored into yours is pretty creepy. Particularly as they reach their upper teenage years and will only benefit from being trusted to adult without mommy holding their hands. The fact that she’s mirrored into their phones is so breathtakingly awful. There’s way too much enmeshment going on there to be emotionally healthy for anyone.

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

I Fired God by Jocelyn Zichtermann

13:24 A Dark Thriller by M Dolon Hickmon

About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington You can read more about the author here.D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here.
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  • Finding Home

    I want to know how the Pearls are so well-informed about pornography and where to find it.

  • Tawreos

    Not to be indelicate, but if you are one click away from getting gay group scenes then you are on a website that offers that content. And if she has idle hands while involved with either of her bugaboos then she is not doing them correctly.

  • PrettyPagan

    I love your daily insights, thank you for all the work you do in highlighting the Quiverful cult’s totally counter-productive way of thinking & behaving. I so enjoy reading your observations, which are always so perceptive, thought-provoking & entertaining, I hope those who are suffering under the Patriarchy allow their minds to be opened by your questioning & begin to think for themselves.

  • Martin Penwald

    Hey, the other day, i was on po​rnhub, and when i clicked on a link, po​rn everywhere.

  • Aloha

    I’ll just comment on your cacao fruit, Suzanne. We just purchased one on a trip to the Amazon, and it was surprisingly gross.

    I never would have expected chocolate to come from such a slimy fleshy fruit.

    Of course, I didn’t stick around for the seeds to dry, but they were being swarmed with flies last I saw. We didn’t chew off the fruit very well.

  • persephone

    That’s so wrong. When we were still stuck with my abusive ex, the kids had to give up a lot. Once he was gone, and we had moved to a nicer place, they did go overboard on a few things, including sweets. I went a little overboard on treats of all kinds, not just food, but I think that’s just how someone who’s been starving is going to respond to suddenly having a banquet in front of them. They’re working through their issues, and now that they can have nearly every food they want, when they want, they’re starting to self-regulate. Which is what we hope for.

    I can’t even imagine thinking that tracking your children’s every thought and action is a good thing. That’s horrifying. Of course, they’re sneaky. My younger son had a girlfriend and was able to be totally open about it. I had bought them condoms at one time. I also told them that if they were having company over, that they needed to notify me, since it’s my house and it’s showing respect and responsibility.

  • persephone

    These people are freaks over p0 rn. As Suzanne noted, they really believe that demonized people are literally leaving magazines and pictures around the woods, near Christian homes, in an effort to corrupt them.

    My bet is Mikey stumbled upon someone’s stash in a stump as a kid, and thought things just happen that way.

  • Peg

    Maybe God decided to “spank” Michael with another stroke.

  • Polytropos

    In a family like the Pearls’, sneakiness is a survival trait. Also, why does it always come back to po&#8203rn with these people? They have an obsession.

  • Saraquill

    How is she (allegedly) so knowledgeable about porn that she “knows” it’s just a click away? Wasn’t her dad’s invasive behavior supposed to beat this knowledge out of her?

  • Saraquill

    Mirroring her children’s phones? She’s like her dad in terms on invasiveness

  • Tawreos

    More likely Mike bought it and when he got caught blamed it on finding it in a stump. Never give up on a lie that you think is working. =)

  • PrettyPagan

    They are definitely OBSESSED by sex!! First, they are told never to think of it and never to acknowledge the opposite sex then they are expected to wed at a horribly young age & bonk for England until they’ve popped out a gazillion little warriors… They go from zero to breaking the sound barrier in a matter of hours. I find the whole system dehumanising & totally scary. The Pearls have much to answer for… … … :/

  • PrettyPagan

    I’m sure you have hit the nail on the head there because they are most definitely EXPERTS at lying – the hypocrites do it all the time and have most likely lied all the way through their sad, stunted lives. If they weren’t so toxic I’d feel sorry for them…!!

  • Friend

    My relationship with my child is open. I am not in an open relationship with my child. Shalom wins a prize for skin-crawling use of quotation marks:

    Many parents simply do not believe that their wonderfully obedient and wholesome child—with whom they have a completely “open relationship”

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    It was weird how it was suddenly shoehorned right in t he middle of talking about chocolate and then she went right back to the chocolate without a pause. I blame Shalom for making me buy three chocolates when shopping today.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    The seeds are slimy but yummy, and yes, there will be flies sadly enough. We visited a chocolate plantation and once they told me that the seeds have to ferment I was grossed out.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Ahh, thanks for your kind words.

  • AFo

    Control, control, control. That’s what it’s always about. Control every single aspect of your kids’ lives so they can never have a moment of freedom or an independent thought. According to the Pearls, this will create the geniuses and leaders of tomorrow. According to the rest of us, it will create neurotic messes who can barely function.

  • paganheart

    Either that, or he failed to recover from his last one, or even regressed. I seriously doubt he’s had any of the physical therapy and occupational rehab that’s often necessary to recover from a stroke. I seriously doubt the Pearls have any medical insurance that would help pay for such things. I do recall Debi mentioning Mikey having some kind of “stem cell therapy,” shortly after his stroke, but outside of a few very limited studies at elite medical institutions, stem cell therapy is a joke. I’d bet my next paycheck that Mikey got his “stem cell therapy” from a storefront clinic that is little more than a scam and a fraud designed to separate desperate people from their money. Some of these infomercial-advertised clinics are downright dangerous; one here in Arizona was shut down recently after a couple of their patients developed sepsis. It’s enough to make me pity the Pearls… almost….

  • Karen the rock whisperer

    Gah, what a horrible parent. It’s beyond helicopter parenting. Helicopter parenting is when you pester a professor because your kid needs her class and can’t get in. This is more like drone parenting.

    Children desperately need as much autonomy as you can manage to give them. They need to make mistakes and learn from them. They need to learn to manage their own time. As far as food goes, they need to snack and do best when they have a variety of options. If you have to walk to the store for a candy bar, but there’s tasty fruit already cut up in the refrigerator, the latter suddenly becomes much more attractive. Smart parents exploit laziness.

    Finally, teenagers need privacy. They’re usually weirded out by what’s happening with their bodies, and they want time alone away from family. Growing up, my bedroom was a converted porch, and one had to walk through it to get to the back door. There was no door to the inside of the house, either. Neither of my parents gave a rat’s patootie about the situation, but as I grew into puberty it irritated the heck out of me. Even worse, when my dad was away at night, my mother insisted on sharing my bedroom (there were two twin beds). Then she would gripe when I rolled over and the bed springs squeaked. She grew up sharing beds with sisters, what was my problem? Sisters are not parents.

  • Mel

    Call me a skeptic, but based on the level of education we’ve seen from Debi, I question if she mirrored the kids’ phones…or just thought she did.

    If your kids are too young to use a phone responsibly, don’t give them a phone. It’s not required like food, clothes, shelter, medicine or love.

    Personally, I think she’s just teaching her kids to be uber-hackers, but that’s me.

  • Delta

    To be fair, I’ve gotten advertisements for very pornish “games” because I was on websites dedicated to (all very SFW) video games. I am grateful for ad blockers.

  • Mel

    Three other points:

    1) Why would children left alone be sneaky? They have time alone to do whatever obnoxious misbehavior that their parents want to squash.

    2) Why would children in a QF family NOT be sneaky – especially since the moms are stretched thin? I personally was completely capable of sneaking chocolate while my parents were around – and we had a ratio of two parents to three kids. God only knows what we would have pulled if there were 10 of us.

    3) Having kids being involved in accountability for parents is seriously bad. That’s using kids to fulfill the emotional needs of a parent in a messed-up way.

    4) If you as an adult can’t sneak candy – or adult videos- without your kid knowing, how the hell are you supposed to prevent your kid from sneaking candy or adult videos? A parent of a teenager has at least three decades of life under their belt compared with one-and-a-bit for the kid. If your kid can out plan you, you need to seriously start working your brain more.

  • Delta

    When I was a kid, my sibling & I had a single phone that we shared, for use to call our parents in an urgent situation. Not anything fancy, but when you’ve got one kid with potentially life-threatening medical conditions and another who’s usually with them, it’s not a bad idea.

  • Raging Bee

    Yeah, it did kinda look like alien eggs waiting to be planted in the next feeder-human who comes along…

  • Mel

    I’ve been looking into mirroring phones for approximately three minutes. Turns out mirroring phones is pretty easy – and pretty easy to work around.

    Option one: Kid watches as Shalom enters the 4 digit pin that links the phone. At some point afterward, kid uses the same pin to unmirror their phone for free online time while leaving an innocuous game running, wipes the memory cache, and re-mirrors the phone. Level of sneakiness: intermediate. As long as the kid isn’t obviously watching naughty videos in the same room, Shalom gets nothing….but it’s running a higher risk than option two.

    Option two: The phones uses a Bluetooth connection – and the range of that runs between 10-300 feet. Go outside. Walk 400 feet from the house. Watch whatever you want. Wipe the memory cache. Grab some flowers or sticks or rocks that you collected. Go back into range. Level of sneakiness: basic. Just make sure you have a line of sight to the house to avoid parental surprises and you’re fine.

  • Raging Bee

    That could seriously…alter…how creationism is understood by a child…

  • Nea

    I see that the Pearl parents passed on the inability to write a coherent, consistent thesis. Debi and Mikey usually can’t go more than 2 paragraphs without wandering off or contradicting themselves either.

  • Nea

    Considering how twisted he is about ess ee ehks, Mikey is exactly the kind of person who would see torn sheets from the Sears and Roebuck’s catalog underwear69 section blowing in the wind from the trash and leap with the grace of a gazelle to the assumption it was filth69 put there deliberately by someone trying to tempt69 him.

  • smrnda

    She can also get the kids cheap phones with talk and text so they can communicate but not go online and find porn.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    filth69 I love it

  • Jennifer

    Uggh, I hate that crap. Almost impossible to load a Buffy episode on Rabbit to watch with a friend without getting rid of naked elves.

  • 24CaratHooligan

    Are there such things as pr0n mags any more?? We find the laptop ideal for our needs but then we are crashing perverts…

  • 24CaratHooligan

    I made sure my daughter knows my house is a safe space for her and anyone she chooses to bring home so long as I’m aware of who and when. I have my bf over, why can’t she? So long as everyone wears underpants when they go to the bathroom we all avoid embarrassment. And although we have a very “open and honest” relationship I’m not naive enough to think my 18 y/o shares absolutely everything with her mother… [eye roll]

  • Nea

    Can’t say it’s original; it’s the go to over on Love, Joy, Feminism – adding a “69” to the end of filter triggers.

  • B.E. Miller

    Darned thing is, now I want to go leave p0rny magazines where some QF teens will find them. Here I thought most teens sneak trashy magazines or trashy ‘romance’ novels.

    Though with QF kids being isolated, they can’t sneak them from an older classmate’s brother. I used to know boys in middle school or high school who did that. Another male classmate would pass them money, and a few days/ to week later, they’d pass the classmate a ‘dirty’ magazine that the older brother had purchased.

    I feel so sorry for these kids. Maybe that’s why they agree to get married so young? 1) it’s an escape from their parents, and 2) they have raging hormones going….

  • B.E. Miller

    My inner Beavis and Butthead is laughing at the 69….

  • B.E. Miller

    With kids these days, and the rate at which they learn how to work these modern phones and computer stuff… yup, her kids are definitely going to be uber-hackers….

    Which might be a good way for them to escape…. they could try to entry the military, and I’m sure the government would put their skills to use.

  • B.E. Miller

    Around here, I’ve seen a LOT of kids with their own phones. But most of these kids are walking to/from school, or the school bus stop, so I can see why the parents want their kids to have access to call in case of emergency. It’s hard to find payphones around nowadays.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Has to be Satan.

    Satan is why they …accidentally…find porn EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME.

    Yep, definitely Satan. 😉

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    First they’d need to have a shot at regular school instead of homeschooling…It’s the key to any sort of escape from Pearldom. 😛

  • smrnda

    Someone was going on about kids having cell phones as ridiculous, but I pointed out that pay phones pretty much don’t exist anymore. Cell phones are also equipped with GPS, which would give both parents and kids peace of mind. If a kid is old enough to be out without an adult, even if it’s just going to and from school, they’re probably old enough to need a cell phone.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Better yet, copies of accurate sex education materials for both sexes. ;-D

  • Huh, huh, you said “Beavis”… (Sorry, I had to!)

  • B.E. Miller

    Hmmm… do they still make an updated version of “Our Bodies, Ourselves”?