Submission and Fat Shaming Go Together Like Peanut Butter and Chocolate?

Submission and Fat Shaming Go Together Like Peanut Butter and Chocolate? July 9, 2019
Image screen cap from YouTube. Meme made at imgflip.com

This is one of those days I would love to call for a Lori-toruim. No discussion of Lori Alexander of The Transformed Wife. Sadly, as long as she is spewing very bad ideas and toxic trash I cannot do that. She’s back after her three day Facebook ban and plunging straight back into the hate speech that had her banned in the first place.  Her words show a sad link between submission and fat shaming.

Lori Alexander has fat shamed people a pile of times over at her blog. She’s shamed others for what and how they feed their children. Makes claims about feeding husbands , while talking of the immense struggles over food choices between her and her husband Ken.

One of the things Lori tries to do is turn food into a theological issue, instead of a practical part of life strictly dictated by culture, available income, time constraints and food availability. Plus that most hated bugaboo of religion – personal choice.

Eating organic is not a Christian virtue. Or any other form of virtue. It’s a personal choice.

It’s pretty clear from Lori’s many food posts and fat shaming that she herself might be struggling with disordered eating and the comorbidity of other disorders.

Just peruse this advice and claims by Lori over food and marriage:

Why is Lori only promoting two possible answers here? The issues of weight in marriage are far more complex than just two. Putting it on, taking it off. Some people are just genetically predisposed towards weight gain or thinness to the point of emaciation. Common prescriptions for medical problems can cause you to lose or gain. So many other factors here than the obvious and oblivious ‘eat less.’

Plus this cut both ways. I’ve seen some horribly unattractive men with a lack of grooming mingled with the most enormous beer bellies braying that their women are ‘too fat!’ What would happen if their wives mentioned they might need a diet? I’m guessing that the men would flip out and chew the scenery before punishing their women.

In a healthy marriage there might be an answer like, “Gee, I didn’t realize it bothers you so much. Maybe I’ll go back to working out again.” or “This is just the last of the baby weight. Have patience” or any other of a list of things. Complex issues require complex answers and solutions. It’s not so black and white.

When I first saw this my immediate and flip response was saying I would point to his adipose tissue, that belly and say something like, “Just about the time you take care of that, Capt. Fatasstia!” and laugh. But then again my husband would laugh too. We have the kind of relationship where we pick and tease without taking offense. He came up with the term ‘Fatasstia’ one day after making fun of how meds are named.

There are sometimes discussions about health issues, sometimes wrapped in silly words with both of us redoubling our efforts to be healthier.

But that’s what Lori is missing here. Several things.

  • Most overweight people know they need to lose and don’t need someone nagging them about it. They’re likely working towards that goal without announcing it to everyone. Weight is a weighty, awkward and difficult thing in our society.
  • Most marital discussions are not baldly stated so unkindly as Lori claims here. It might start out in healthy marriages as “I’m concerned for your health. Can we talk about making some changes to improve our health?” Most guys, at least those outside of the complementarian cult realize that starting a hard conversation with “You’re fat. Eat less.” is pretty counter productive and might cause your spouse to go face first into their preferred comfort food. Her words are attack words. I wonder if that’s how Ken speaks to her, in accusatory attacks like that? If so I feel rather sorry for her.

It’s posts like this that make me wonder if Lori Alexander is an alien from another planet, without human emotions, logical reasoning and all compassion, like those bulbous-headed things in “Mars Attacks” I keep hoping she’ll pull off the rubber mask and expose the real her.


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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington You can read more about the author here.D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here.

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