What Does Submission Really Look Like? Part Two

What Does Submission Really Look Like? Part Two July 8, 2019

Remember last week when we had a lady telling a tale of how submissive she is? She spoke of not being allowed to speak at the dinner table as a sign of her submissiveness to her husband.

Many of you felt similar to I, that while needing a few minutes to adjust from the work to home transition might be a thing, but this is abuse, plain and simple.

I’m betting he wishes he could just “Ring” her mouth ala “The Handmaid’s Tale” a few episodes ago. It would certainly cut down on the talking.

Screen cap from ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’

Not allowing someone else to speak is abuse.

Now today the same lady went even farther in her explanations why her husband is not abusive and how she submits fully to him.

This is what financial spousal abuse looks like. No access to money, not even the money that she’s actually earning. On a tiny spending budget.

What if she had an emergency? Or ran out of groceries? Medicines? Needed to buy a plane ticket for a family member fleeing from abuse, or caught overseas? There are thousands of instances where you might need access to money and not have your husband nearby.

It would have been a disaster if I followed her type of submission. Why? Because last year when I had my stroke the private hospital required an $1,100 deposit on a credit card.

My husband was away spearfishing and surfing in Osa. Osa is quite the drive from San Jose. Had I been in her shoes there would have been no deposit, I would have been unceremoniously transferred to the public hospital without a neurologist. Luckily for me all I had to do was hand over the Amex for the deposit.

I look at her 10 to 20 dollar allowance and cringe. It’s not going to go far in lunches and pantyhose much less frivolous things. She is inhabiting a world in which she cannot buy silly things like nail polish and magazines, candy or a rare soda. It’s not going to go far at places like Starbucks, or even McDonalds. What if you need cold medicine and a bottle of oj in the middle of a workday? What if you have to go to the school and refill someone’s lunch account?

Everything she describes here is financial abuse at the hands of a sociopath using religion to justify his abuse and her acquiescence.

I want to cry because of her statement that she sometimes feels beat down and less than. She does not have to live like this. There’s nothing Godly or Biblical about it. A Godly man isn’t going to control every single aspect of your life. He’s going to trust that you are capable of making wise decisions concerning your personal behavior and spending habits. Please do not settle for this! It is abuse.

And Lori Alexander is praising her for this!


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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

I Fired God by Jocelyn Zichtermann

13:24 A Dark Thriller by M Dolon Hickmon

About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here. You can read more about the author here.
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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Finding Home

    She feels “beaten down” because she is. She feels “less than” because that’s how she is treated. I’m so sorry that she’s been taught to disregard her feelings and have no self-respect.

  • Ann Lunsford

    The woman doesn’t have a single ounce of self esteem. Poor lady.

  • French Pandora

    My great grandmother was in charge of house expanses (yet she didn’t know how to read and count) and so had access to money but her husband was an evil atheist, not a good christian 😀

  • Saraquill

    Things do not bode well for her if she’s unable to work for extended periods. She might be forced to work despite dire health, abandoned without a safety net, or other things I’d rather not think of.

  • Saraquill

    I kept thinking of scold’s bridles as I read the above.

  • Holly Baby Catkiss

    Non Christians especially Atheists aren’t evil… Christians can be just as evil as anyone of any religion or non religion…

  • frostysnowman

    I want to cry because she feels she deserves such treatment.

  • French Pandora

    My comment was sarcasm/joke. See the 😀 at the end.

    Next time, maybe you should take time to think before jumping on people.

    PS : I am not christian.

  • French Pandora

    And what will happen to her if her husband dies ? She was conditioned to let the man manage the household. At best, she will be overwhelmed, at worst a prey for abusers.

  • Nea

    She doesn’t even have access to the bank accounts. Her lord and master presumably thinks he’s invincible. What if it was HIM headed to the hospital and she needed to take care of him and the kids?

  • Nea

    Something happens to Lord And Master and she has no safety net anyway because she doesn’t have access to the bank, doesn’t have credit in her own name, and presumably doesn’t even know how to budget past her pathetic pin money. He’s so busy getting off on controlling her that he’s not just abusing her but potentially leaving his kids in the gutter rather than give her the access to family funds. If her name isn’t on the account and he’s hit by a drunk driver, nobody has access to HIS money that SHE earned.

  • SAO

    So, she works, presumably 8 hours a day, but doesn’t get to keep what she earns. I’m sure she does all the housework, but he husband won’t even allow her the courtesy of conversation. Mind boggling.

  • AFo

    This is so sad and frightening. She’s been conditioned to believe that being treated less than human is what makes a good marriage. I’d be horrified if I saw a friend in this situation, but I bet she’s not allowed to have any for that exact reason. I’m surprised she’s allowed to go on Facebook, but not surprised that she doesn’t understand why others are concerned by her story. Also not surprised at Lori’s toxic response, since she has all the empathy of steel.

  • Mimc

    I hope she gets out eventually. I hope someone she trusts can get through to her that this is not normal even in fundieland. I’m afraid she’s bought into that Calvinist self loathing.

  • smrnda

    I’m not sure if it should even be legal to be married and have a spouse not have access to a joint account.

  • Jim Jones

    Common usage is to add ‘/s’ to the post.

    Example:

    Thank you Jesus!

    /s

  • Jim Jones

    Ball gags are easier to find!

  • Darlene Dufton Griffith

    Just look at the other comments under that post on Lori’s blog. One woman says her husband passes a ball – like in elementary school – and when the ball is handed to them, then they can talk. If you don’t see the red flags here, you’ve been brainwashed.

  • Nea

    Does anyone notice the inherent contradiction here? She says she is content – but feels beaten down. She says other people don’t understand that this works for her – but it was hard, she feels less than, and she’s an undeserving sinner.

    It’s like Debi Pearl going on about her divine marriage to Mike-Mike, but don’t for one second forget all she has to put up with out of him.

  • SAO

    She might just discover life is a hell of a lot easier and more enjoyable without the jackboot on her neck.

  • Friend

    Excellent points. A husband like this would not entertain the idea of putting her name on a bank account, lease, mortgage, car title, etc. I don’t even want to think about probate for her, if he were to die without a will.

  • Nea

    No wonder that type is always advocating for marrying girls off young. The “men” in this culture would crap a cow if they had to deal daily with an autonomous grown adult woman.

  • Mimc

    That’s a good point. It can take months for inheritance to be figured out. She could be in real trouble. He’s probably also isolated her from friends and family because he can’t risk anyone convincing her she’s worth of respect and helping her escape. Think second part of beyond red flags into definitely abusive territory. This guy is 100% an abuser and that’s what they do.

  • Friend

    Complete submission is completely voluntary. Even though that makes no sense.

  • Mimc

    If she wanted to she could probably sue him for at least the money she earned. But since she’s convinced she doesn’t deserve to be treated like a real person and equal partner she won’t do that. I have a horrible feeling the accounts are empty anyway. He might be looking her out to hide overspending and debt.

  • Brian Curtis

    The only moral form of submission is the kind you see at late-night clubs downtown… the kind that these oh-so-righteous freaks consider horribly, horribly immoral.

  • Aloha

    I think the poster is fake. They seem to be creating a monstrous scenario just to see if Lori et al will sign on as supporters.

    Anyways, hopefully it’s just a hoax.

  • bekabot

    Yep, and the reason they think it’s immoral, IMO, is that the clubs downtown have rules, and the rules are strictly enforced.

  • Brian Curtis

    Plus it’s consensual. Can’t have that!

  • Friend

    That crossed my mind too. What would be in it for Lori? Eyeballs? Persuasion?

  • Aloha

    I’d imagine that someone is trolling Lori just to see what her limits are … does she have any limits?
    Answer: thus far, no limits. There is no point at which Lori will draw a line between submission and abuse.

  • Astrin Ymris

    it sounds like a definition of slavery.

  • persephone

    Ten to one he doesn’t have life insurance on himself, but I would bet he’s got a hefty payout on her.

  • Friend

    The writing does have a calculated feel, to me. I agree it falls way short of potential for Lori to object. She would probably approve of v1olent discipl1ne and spousal r$pe. Whatever works, you know. 🙁

  • 24CaratHooligan

    It sound like a Gorean scenario… but as I understand it that comes with a contract that either party can halt or renegotiate. It’s also something that is thought out beforehand and that (usually) both parties go into voluntarily and with good knowledge of what the relationship will entail.

  • Holly Baby Catkiss

    Lol. Now I see…

  • SAO

    This is the Christian Patriarchy Movement. My guess is her husband thinks it’s a wife’s role to submit and she’d be sinning to object to anything he demands of her.