Handling Stubborn Kids Pearl-Style?

Handling Stubborn Kids Pearl-Style? November 12, 2019

So, I lied. This isn’t exactly the same methods covered in Michael and Debi Pearl’s child-abuse manual “To Train Up A Child”, but it is from their daughter Shalom Pearl Brand in No Greater Joy magazine. Shalom takes a very different approach than her parents, and does not once mention being the devil out of them. Handling stubborn kids Pearl-style involves more abuse than this.

Don’t get me wrong, Shalom still has toxic odd ideas out of the Pearls teachings here. She just does not go to beating a child with a quarter inch plastic plumbing line as her first choice like Michael would.

Plus she seems to understand that both boys and girls can both have leadership abilities. Something her father would not even admit, ordering the daughter into the kitchen to bake biscuits, or knit socks.

Well, right there is a huge difference. You know if this was Michael he’s all about dictating and domination, as if he’s the only rooster in the yard.

This is not a bad idea. Giving a child some small control over their own lives makes life much more pleasant for everyone. The child gets to exercise their small measure of control, build confidence and feel like they matter. Handing a child choices is a better way to build life skills than any amount of beating.

Then there is this:

Again, not bad to have a plan. However there is a huge red flag in this paragraph. Her oldest daughter working as a nanny! The same 15 year old daughter mentioned above. Girls that age can be mothers helpers, or the occasional baby-sitter for siblings and for money with others. I do not care how many Red Cross sponsored baby sitting and first aid classes you have taken, this is not a responsibility that any teenager should be burdened with.

Most of the time people professionally employed as nannies usually have at least some early childhood education background, even specialty skills like speaking French or Spanish, credentials, education. But the biggest thing is that they are not people too young to function as adults. This girl isn’t even old enough to possess a drivers license in most states, much less has the brain development, critical decision making skills, or life experiences to be a professional.

It’s dangerous for the girl to be laden with this level of responsibility no matter how mature she might be. I question anyone that would hire a child as a nanny. Besides, in the Pearl world mothers do not work outside of the home, and certainly not for the periods of time you might need a nanny. It is irresponsible to even call her a nanny.

Yes, keep training up those kids to stand up for God. Heaven knows they aren’t fit for much else with no education, no training, and no real clue about life. This is neglect in my book. Shalom might not be beating her children like her father recommends, but make no mistake, limiting your children like this is abuse and neglect.

You might be interested in one man’s take on his years being raised by the Pearl’s book and the ramifications. How Not To Train Up A Child.

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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 33 years. You can read more about the author here.
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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Martin Penwald

    Hey, I abuse and neglect my children, but I don’t beat them! Can I have brownie points?

  • Gussie FinkNottle

    I’d bet money that the kid is a babysitter with a regular gig. They’re just calling her a nanny. It sounds posh but not as snooty as “au pair.” I used to get someone to look after my kids when they were small so that I could work in peace. They all styled themselves and their past experience as “nannying,” but most of what they had done was just babysitting on a schedule.

  • Raging Bee

    If you suck2 up to them enough, you can have brownnose points.

  • Tawreos

    I sometimes wish I could be there to see the “Ah-hah” moment when they realize how harmful so much of what they spew is to people in the real world.

  • Raging Bee

    Would you settle for the curl-of-the-lip moment when they delete, block or close whatever hints they get of such harm?

  • Mimc

    That’s what I was thinking. She’s exaggerated her kids’ abilities before. Remember when she claimed her 3yo vacuumed? At 15 I had a gig babysitting every Saturday for a couple down the street that we pastors and had to finish there sermons. I’m guessing/hoping it’s something like that and not a full time nanny job.

  • Yikes.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    That’s what I’m thinking. At fifteen I had a regular baby sitting gig every Thursday night so mom and dad could go out.

  • firebubbles310

    Same. I called what I did around that age during the summer as nannying. I lived mostly at their place and was with the kids six days a week. But, I know full well I wasn’t anything like a real nanny now. Though I always had kids from the neighborhood. Their parents all trusted me. Yay /s

  • Mimc

    I hope it’s not full time like that. She needs to be doing school work. I know her curriculum is probably fill lot white male supremacy and young Earth creationism but at least she needs to lean enough math and language arts to have a slim chance of escape from the cult.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I was wondering the same thing. If it’s full time it’s impacting not just her schooling, but the important social skills we learn as teens by doing normal things like hanging out with friends, going to the mall in groups of friends, even just the time to goof off and daydream.

  • Mimc

    I have serious doubts she’s allowed to do that other stuff job or not.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    Almost certainly: the passage says “as soon as she got there” about planning the day – she’s not living in and she’s not getting the kids up, she’s just looking after them for an afternoon.

  • Cynthia

    Nothing about the Pearls gives me any reason to believe that a grandchild of theirs would be hanging out at the mall with friends.

  • Cynthia

    That’s what I assumed. At 12, I was babysitting a few days per week during the summer for a neighbor while the parents worked, and I continued doing a lot of babysitting until I was 16 and got busy with my boyfriend.

  • Winston Jen

    They (Fight the New Drug) say that ALL porn2 fuels human trafficking.

    Because men want more and new porn2.

    Which is like saying “If you read A Time to Kill, you MUST be a pedophile.”

    Or “If you read Lolita, you MUST be a pedophile.”

    Epic fail.