Smile or Else?

Smile or Else? January 19, 2020
Tina Turner’s very faked smile in the movie “Tommy” Screencap from the movie.

Above Rubies  Nancy and Colin Campbell must be slipping because it looks like they are allowing more people to write for them. Today’s piece is written by a man named Joe Goodale. If you Google his name you come up a pile of guys, impossible to determine which one he is. No matter, this one lines up with the  emotional repression endemic in all of the writings of Nancy Campbell. Deny all of your negative emotions, and smile or else.

Nancy and Joe are hardly the only ones in Quiverfull teaching this. I saw something earlier at Generation Cedar by that says roughly the same thing. Much of the writing of Debi Pearl, Lori Alexander and many others order this faker-y or emotions as a way of life instead of what it genuinely is, a good way to drive yourself to a nervous breakdown by suppressing all negative emotions until they spill out like Mount Etna blowing.

Have you started off smiling this year? Smiling at your husband? Smiling at your children? Maybe things are not going according to your plans and you don’t feel like smiling! Smile anyway. Did you know that smiles don’t depend on circumstances? Your circumstances may not change but as you smile your attitude will! It will change the atmosphere of your home. The more you smile at your family, the more they will smile back at you!

Please do not do this. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Don’t smile if you don’t feel up to it. It’s just better for everyone in your life if you are genuine and authentic. People that want to shut down all of your emotions are practicing a form of gas-lighting.

Announcement: I have zero internet in our village this last day. Likely will not have it back until later tomorrow. So no new posts until they fix it. But, boy, stay tuned, have I got a doozy of a post when I come back. Debi Pearl’s book has gone into nuclear crazy territory so I’m not waiting until Saturday to post it.

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

I Fired God by Jocelyn Zichtermann

13:24 A Dark Thriller by M Dolon Hickmon

About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 33 years. You can read more about the author here.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • critter8875

    I don’t smile.
    My mouth and jaw don’t permit it.

  • Whitney Currie

    When someone insists on smiling all the time, no matter what, I always think of the Stepford Wives. Remember, kids, not all smiles are the same.

    https://blogs.gartner.com/jenny-sussin/files/2011/12/stepford1.jpg

  • I go for the Loki smile. Just because.

  • igotbanned999

    Wasn’t this a really bad Doctor Who episode?

    https://tardis.fandom.com/wiki/The_Happiness_Patrol_(TV_story)

  • I liked it, but yeah. There are some lessons to be learned from that episode about happiness.

  • The last few times someone has told me to smile, they’ve very quickly asked me to stop smiling.

    I have a creepy smile and an evil laugh.

  • DingoJack
  • Jennny

    There is one GP practice in my village and they are excellent. Recently I had my annual review of medications with a pharmacist (this relieves pressure on over-stretched doctors). It works fine but I was feeling particularly depressed, I knew he’d tell me I should continue with one which has uncomfortable side-effects that defy help! They keep me healthy, so it’s right I have them, but I was having a bad day…..he prescribed and held open the door as I left and whispered ‘Come on. smile, it might never happen.’ I was so shocked I even considered making a complaint, He was trying to be helpful. but expecting a forced smile to help in any way was offensive to me…and helps not at all.

  • Phil Rimmer

    If you want people to smile, say something funny.

    If you want your own day brightened, brighten someone else’s.

    Last night Billy Connolly at a 75th birthday gig announced to the audience. “Just so you can do some symptoms spotting, I have Parkinson’s Disease…I wish he’d bloody kept it to himself!”

  • Saraquill

    I go for Desert Bluffs. Their smile specifically calls for showing all teeth and keeping their eyes as wide as possible.

  • D. C. Sessions

    Why am I visualizing a woman made up as the Joker?

  • Trellia

    I just finished watching this, so this is what came to mind- https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5c8542f28c8a71a47420c547e0b9446b16c89de60de90067b4cc2395e27ca939.jpg

    Seriously, though, this can really mess with you, especially when you have mental and physical illness like me. In retail I had to smile through depression, smile through anxiety, smile through getting abused by customers with (mostly) spineless managers, smile through horrific pain. I’m out of retail now, and it can still be difficult to be honest about how I’m feeling. I can’t imagine trying to do this 24/7.

  • AFo

    When are these people going to accept that it’s weird and inappropriate to smile 24/7? Where in the Bible does it say this is a requirement?

  • Rann

    That photo at the top of the article gives me the creeps!!!

  • Whitney Currie

    Nothing like a big, toothy smile and wide eyes to make a person look alllllll kinds of well-adjusted./s

  • Whitney Currie

    You know this is the internet, and it’s out there somewhere, right? Martha Wayne as the Joker; alternate timeline apparently.

    https://pm1.narvii.com/6532/87adc569f1fe0614795320d2bad9b256839dd95c_00.jpg

  • D. C. Sessions

    Nice, although I was imagining more of a June Cleaver meeting Ward at the door or over dinner.

  • D. C. Sessions

    Mission accomplished.

  • D. C. Sessions

    The Book of Kane.

  • Jennny

    That’s so funny, my active husband was housebound for a couple of days and resorted to watching BBC iplayer and recounted that very joke to me a few days ago!

  • SAO

    Always look on the bright side of life!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrdEMERq8MA

  • persephone

    I searched joe+goodale+christian and found a Joe Goodale who is the multimedia director at Cornerstone Bible Church. I think odds are good that he’s the guy that wrote that. I don’t know if Cornerstone has been covered here, but they look like QF-lite trying to be hip.

    This is related to the marriage study where complementarian wives reported being the happiest of married women. We know that those women are only reporting what they’ve been convinced they are supposed to be. People who listen to their feelings are taught that they’re listening to the devil9. Ignore those selfish feelings that tell you that you are unhappy; that’s the devil9 trying to pull you away.

  • persephone

    I kinda freaked out a consultant and some coworkers one day in a mandatory training. She was talking about, basically, not having RBF at work. I literally turned it on and off when she requested it. I don’t think she had any expectation that it would be that easy.

  • Rose

    This reminds me of my home school days when my mother would always tell me, “Attitude check, one, two, three!” and I was supposed to elicit a fake smile on her count-down. She thought cheerfulness was next to godliness, so any facial expressions other than happiness or friendliness were disapproved of. I learned to keep all my emotions inside and look “neutral.” Then when I got married to a controlling, manipulative person, I was also expected to be a Pollyanna wife and not express my true emotions unless they were positive.
    Finally, as I was going through my divorce, my best friend shamed me for being depressed/ grieving the loss of my marriage (even though she was on meds for anxiety). She actually said, I only want to be around happy vibes right now.
    So tired of people shaming others if they don’t feel and look happy-smiley all the time!

  • Raging Bee

    Did you know that smiles don’t depend on circumstances?

    FAKE smiles certainly don’t. And even a kid can tell a fake smile from a real one, at some level of awareness; which is why fake smiles generally do more harm than good.

  • Raging Bee

    The anime movie “Weathering with You” seems to be a near-perfect allegory of how women and girls are expected to bring sunshine on demand, and the consequences of trying to live up to said expectation:

    https://www.patheos.com/blogs/secularcinephile/2020/01/weathering-with-you-is-beautifully-animated-psychologically-astute/

  • RachaelinGreen

    Honestly, I think this “forced cheerfulness” is one of the eeriest things about fundamentalist culture. “Never show any sort of negative emotion” is a terrible thing to teach people. It can lead to all sorts of complexes.

  • DingoJack

    Because if everyone isn’t ‘happy-clappy’ all the time, then it means that ‘just jeaebusing-harder™’ does not improve your satisfaction levels. The product they’re selling doesn’t do what they claimed. Can’t have that thought floating about — people might start thinking the whole ‘evangelism makes you so super-happy thing’ is a lie. And once one crack2 appears in their shoddily-made ‘whited sepulchre’ –
    it might start to dawn on them that maybe god isn’t the thing that can solve their problems, maybe something else is needed. Maybe work, some self-reflection, some attitudinal & behavioural changes …

  • swbarnes2

    Expressing dissatisfaction is non-conformity. Once introduced, non-conformity spreads. Authoritarians can’t keep control without ruthlessly suppressing every little bit of it.

  • lady_black

    With a “best friend” like that, I don’t need any enemies.

  • lady_black

    Does anyone else remember the old Twilight Zone episode “Its a Good Life”? It’s the one with Billy Mummy playing “Anthony Fremont,” the bratty kid with god-like powers. Remember how all the townspeople treated him? Fake smiles, and constant fake praise, lest they be turned into monsters or wished away into the cornfield.
    That’s the level of creepiness involved in demanding that women always be sweetness and light, even when they don’t feel like it.