No Longer Quivering
This issue of the Pearl’s magazine No Greater Joy Magazine is a mere three articles long. Not one appearance of ailing patriarch Michael Pearl. Two of which were written by Debi Pearl as advertorials for her book “Create a Better Brain Through Neuroplasticity”. The final one is curious in what it does not say, and is written by a lady named Beth Determan.
Just looking at her profile photograph accompanying the article it set off alarm bells in me. She’s smiling hard, and leaning into her husband who, like so many men in this subculture, just sits there vaguely smiling. His body language in no way indicates he is connected to her. So many times when you see photos of couples in Quiverfull they are posed this way. The husband a passive uninvolved lump sitting there like a bump on the log. The wife, over eager smile, either leaning hard into her husband or touching him in some very odd and controlling “He is MINE!” way.
The only real exception I’ve seen to this photo pose is Jim Bob Duggar’s embrace of his wife Michelle Duggar. It seems to read “I bagged and banged the CHEERLEADER!”
I want to start with the very last sentence in this articled titled “Did I Seriously Just Question God’s Word?”
“Let him lead..”
Let that sink in for a few moments, melt in like butter on a hot roll. Swish it around like a sip of a fine wine. Ponder it.
Notice she did not say “Step back and he’ll embrace his role as leader.” or “Acknowledge him as your spiritual head and leader.” She gives him permission to lead, which indicates he’s not the leader, was never the leader, and will never really be a leader but now she’s easing her control enough to allow him to think he’s the leader. It’s a tacit admission that she is the one really in control here, and always will be. It makes all the many paragraphs before it pushing Biblical submission a lie. Undone by three little words.
After starting with a story that sounds from here like run of the mill typical disagreement she ends up here.
“Pride and selfishness will ruin you.
I had a root hidden away, planted by feminism and growing up watching my mama be abused and “told what to do.” It was not in a biblical sense for her own protection or good, but in a controlling atmosphere permeated by fear. There is a CLEAR difference.”
Actually no, it’s nothing like the secretive control of men that so many in this cultural indulge in while screaming out how submissive they are being. It wasn’t planted there by feminism either. It’s a lack of trusting in anything but yourself, yet lying to yourself about what’s going on in your supposed submission.
“No more! I learned a good lesson, ladies. I had a hard look at my own heart. Yes, I have past trauma. Yes, I have a deep need to control and protect my circumstances to feel safe. Anyone who has suffered abuse knows this.”
Possibly the only truly honest statement in this entire piece where the author is trying to virtue signal how much more submissive she is. Don’t let her fool you, she’s still trying to control him, unlike relationships with equal partners. In Quiverfull many women manipulate their men behind the scenes, all the while praying to their God that He changes everything about their husbands into the perfect man.
The manipulation and control by wives here is subtle. It’s usually wrapped in Christianese, Bible verses and the sweetest most submissive voice. Yet when you listen it’s not hard to draw comparisons to the sirens on the rocks calling to the sailors to wreck themselves on the rocks.
“Ladies, do you submit only when it’s easy? To look good and feel like you’re doing your part? Are there things he’s asked (again, within biblical boundaries) that you ignore? If you’re having arguments, is it because you’re balking at his authority?”
Some small amount of disagreement is pretty normal in marriage. It’s sad because she’s really just talking of the small stuff of life here, things that the Biblc does not specifically spell out all the time. Things everyone must navigate that there is no hard and fast rule on.
I keep going back to those three words, and how they reveal she’s genuinely controlling everything. Another indication how horrible, miserable and toxic being forced into ill fitting roles is.
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