Bossy Moms Cause Silly Boys?

Bossy Moms Cause Silly Boys? July 30, 2020

I stumbled across this old piece by Shalom Pearl Brand in No Greater Joy’s magazine in 2012. What’s curious is that Shalom proclaims that all girls are virtuously waiting for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now, but that there are no men, only immature video game playing boys.

Where are the men and why are there so many boys Shalom asks.

What? Shalom is criticizing males here, and I’m pretty sure that’s forbidden in her world.

“While mothers have been training their daughters to be good wives, many families stopped raising their sons to be men, instead producing overgrown boys. A large percentage of the boys/men over the last 30 years have been raised to serve the flesh. They were not raised to work; most are soft, sweet-talking, sissy boys. Some are cute and stylish, and silly girls think they are soooo good-looking. Other guys are backward, clumsy, going-nowhere types, and very uncool. But they are the same lazy, self-pleasing, big boys.”

I wonder what metric Quiverfull is using to determine manhood? Chest beating weak men hollering out like Tarzan how righteous they are? Frankly the world needs much less of that type. The kind that can break boards with their hands? Lift bricks with their manly parts?

“It is a very sad truth and I am sorry for you girls out there. I am guilty of telling girls to be patient, that he will come, to just serve God and wait for him to bring a husband. But the truth is there just might not be a man out there that God thinks is worthy of you. As a single girl, you can serve God. But as a married woman, you are told to serve your husband so he can better serve God.”

It’s almost like they’re admitting their theology of preparing to marry and be happy just simply does not work. So you better prepare for life as one of the Botkin sisters, Anna Sophia and Elizabeth of trying to lord it over all the other single believers as the most righteous.

She goes on to say that this is not what good righteous girls want to hear but that this is the reality for most of them, no husbands, just unmarried and serving the Lord. I have to wonder what brought all of this on? Then we move on to what she thinks fathers and mothers can do to stop these man childs from being formed.

A Desperate Call to the Fathers Out There Raising Sons

Now as a mother with daughters, I would like to put out an appeal to all the families raising sons. Please teach them to work, love God, and be men—not big boys—so that when my daughters and other families’ daughters are grown, they can serve God through a God-fearing man. My husband and I are raising two little men of our own now. Parker is well on his way to being a man, and our new little one will soon be following in his footsteps. They say boys will be boys. I say little men will be big men.”

Typical. She proclaims boys need to be trained up to be men, but with no more idea or advice how to accomplish this than the man in the moon. I am guessing she thinks the best way is the way her brothers were raised, to do hard physical manual labor at the insane behest of their father. That’s fine if you to raise guys who can only dig ditches, or be day laborers, but not so much if you want someone to have a job that requires education and specialized skills.

Where do mothers fall in this ‘training’? They get the lion’s share of the blame for these man-children. Of course it would not be a proper Pearl article without mothers getting shamed, blamed and scapegoated.

Tip for moms raising sons:
Create a chart with your sons chores on it. Instead of mom bossing him around all day telling him what to do, creating tension and stress; he can be a man completing his own responsibility.”

A chore chart? Really? So ridiculous! This is literally her only advice for mothers and it’s so lame.

None of this has anything real to do with raising boys. How do you raise boys? You love them, you teach them to respect women, you do the best you can. One of the things that these people never seem to figure out that one of the most important things about raising children is being a good example to them, pointing the way to what’s right by the little things you do each and every single day.


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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 34 years You can read more about the author here.
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