The Not So Excellent Wife
God is love. He wants you to be happy.
That’s what I told myself when I was miserable in my marriage.
A loving god wouldn’t want me to be miserable the rest of my life.
I finally concluded, “The God of love doesn’t want me to be married. At least not to this guy.”
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I thought I needed a new husband.
While it’s true God is love and He wants you to be happy, that doesn’t mean He wants you to leave your marriage.*
After much frustration and disappointment, I learned the secret to a happier marriage.
It’s simple. But it’s not easy.
What I learned about a happy marriage was counter-intuitive to everything I’d ever heard about a happy marriage.
I learned the fastest way to change my marriage is to change the way I think about my marriage and my husband.
The first time someone said that to me I thought she was out of her mind. Then I thought, “Why am I always the one who has to change something to make our marriage better?”
It seemed so unfair until I realized the only person I can control is me.
And the way I think about my husband is up to me.
The way I think about him dictates the way I treat him.
Change my thoughts; change my actions.
It was easy to criticize my husband. It was easy to think about what he did wrong and complain about it.
But what if I focused on what he did right and acted like I appreciated it?
When I changed my focus, I started to change the way I treated him.
I started to notice the things he did right. And the more I noticed things he did “right,” it seemed like he did more things “right.”
He seemed to grow more attentive and wanted to be around me more.
When I changed the way I treated him, he changed the way he responded to me.
The secret to a happier marriage is developing a new perspective about my husband and marriage.
Developing a new attitude is directly related to expectations. If I expect the best, I see the best. When I expect the worst, I see the worst.
I wish I’d made the connection between attitude and expectations earlier in my marriage.
When I wasn’t so busy pointing out the things he did wrong, I was able to appreciate the things he did.
When I changed my perspective and made him think he could make me happy, he moved closer to me emotionally.
It may seem counter-intuitive when things are hard in your marriage, but treating your husband better will change the way he responds to you.
Your husband wants to make you happy. It may not seem like it right now, but he does. Try changing the way you respond to him. Smile more. Let him know when he does something you like.
Instead of getting a new husband, I got a new attitude. You’ll be amazed at what happens when you get a new attitude.
*This does not refer to cases of abuse. If you are being abused, get to a safe place immediately. Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-7233.
Need skills to build intimacy?
- Get on the waitlist for my next group coaching session–Change Your Mind; Change Your Marriage.
- Visit my website, like my Facebook page and join my private Facebook group.
- Check out my FREE resources and download “How to Be A Wife No Man Will Ever Want to Leave” Challenge!
- Apply for private coaching with Sheila.
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Also known as the Not So Excellent Wife, Sheila Qualls understands how tiring a tough marriage can be.
She went from the brink of divorce to having a thriving marriage by translating timeless truths into practical skills. She’s helped women just like you turn their men into the husbands they want.
After 33 years of marriage, she’s a coach and a speaker whose passion is to equip women to break relationship-stifling habits and do marriage God’s way. And you don’t have to be a doormat to do it.
In addition to more than 33 years of marriage, Sheila has a Masters Degree in Communication and countless hours of mentoring and coaching women.
She and her husband Kendall live in Minnesota with their five children and their Black Lab, Largo.
In addition to coaching, Sheila is a member of the MOPS Speaker Network. Her work has been featured on the MOPS Blog, The Upper Room, Grown and Flown, Scary Mommy, Beliefnet, Candidly Christian, Crosswalk.com, The Mighty and on various other sites on the Internet.
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