Should Couples Add Kindness to Their Toolkit When Fighting?

Last updated on: March 12, 2020 at 11:29 am By Terry Gaspard

In an article for The Good Men Project, Sanaa Hyder, M.S.Ed., advocates that kindness is key for couples when trying to diffuse arguments, and also is also an effective tool when approaching a disagreement before a fight erupts. Referring to a cutting edge interview of Dr. Julie Gotten (Atlantic Magazine), Hyder believes that adding kindness — and mindfulness — to your toolkit will go a long way toward creating and maintaining a happy, long-lasting relationship. While the notion of approaching your partner with kindness... Read more

How Do I Save My Marriage?

Last updated on: March 4, 2020 at 7:22 pm By Terry Gaspard

Dear Terry, I’ve been married for three years and the issues and stress we have is too much sometimes. When we were dating, things were fun and we had a lot in common. Dave and I were both recently divorced and met through a friend. It wasn’t romantic at first, but then we started hanging out together and realized we had a lot in common and there was a spark. We both love music, play an instrument, and are teachers.... Read more

7 Tips to Revive Sexual and Emotional Intimacy with Your Partner

Last updated on: November 2, 2021 at 11:36 am By Terry Gaspard

Many couples who come to my office for counseling complain that they have drifted apart and have lost sexual intimacy in their marriage or relationship. If this is true of you, you may not be connecting emotionally, which can lead to detachment and lack of passion. Michelle, 43, put it like this: “Joshua rarely initiates sex anymore and I admit that I don’t feel sexually attracted to him. We’re just not on the same page and it’s been months since... Read more

Infidelity: Does It Have to End My Marriage?

Last updated on: February 18, 2020 at 8:54 pm By Terry Gaspard

During a couples counseling session, Rebecca, 40, sat on the couch across from Brian, 41, her husband of fifteen years, and spoke about finding out he was unfaithful to her last month. She put it like this: “I didn’t really see it coming even though we hadn’t had sex in over a year. I thought we were just going through a dry patch. But then I found a receipt from a weekend at a resort on Cape Cod and it... Read more

How Mistrust Can Destroy a Second Marriage and What to Do About It

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 3:56 pm By Terry Gaspard

The breakup of a marriage can set the stage for feelings of mistrust – even if you’ve never had trust issues previously. After a marriage ends, especially if you’ve endured infidelity, it’s normal to doubt your ability to trust yourself and others. Falling in love and getting remarried can be invigorating but can also be scary at the same time. Love can be sweeter the second time around but when the bliss wears off, trust issues may surface and cause... Read more

8 Positive Ways to Connect with Your Stepchild

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 3:56 pm By Terry Gaspard

The role of a stepparent can be tricky and there’s no such thing as instant love between a stepparent and a stepchild. It’s worth your time to understand your stepchild’s perspective and to realize that you’re not going to replace their biological parent but you can still make a positive impact on his or her life. Different from a biological parent, a major thrust of being a stepparent is to be an adult friend to your stepchildren on some level.... Read more

6 Ways Couples Can Make Up After a Fight and Move On

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 3:57 pm By Terry Gaspard

I’ve often stated that one of the most important elements of a successful marriage is being able to repair your relationship after an argument. By the way, this doesn’t mean that all of your disputes will be solved. It simply means that you can find ways to restore intimacy, forgive each other, and move forward without bitterness or holding a grudge. Dr. John Gottman advises us that couples can live with unsolvable differences about ongoing issues in their relationship as long... Read more

8 Keys to Success in a Remarriage

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 3:57 pm By Terry Gaspard

Let’s face it, most couples in second or third marriages face obstacles that those in first ones just don’t. It’s no surprise that while the divorce rate for first marriages hovers around 45 percent, the rate for second marriages is approximately 67 percent. You might wonder why this is, since intuitively we should learn important lessons from our first marriage and carry those into subsequent ones. Most remarried couples have unrealistic expectations and once the romance of dating and early marriage... Read more

How to Get Unstuck From the Approval Trap

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 3:58 pm By Terry Gaspard

For most of my life, I’ve been stuck in the “Approval Trap” because I’ve been fearful of losing the approval of others. In my experience, it is possible for you to find your own voice and act from a place of personal power. Many of the women I interviewed for my studies on divorce felt that being raised in a divided home impacted their self-esteem. Keep in mind, you will exercise personal power when you speak up for what you... Read more

7 Steps to Overcoming the Legacy of Divorce

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 3:58 pm By Terry Gaspard

During the past two decades, I’ve researched the legacy of divorce and worked as a coach and therapist to individuals experiencing family upheaval and breakup. What I’ve come to realize is that what many experts say is true – divorce does run in families. After going back to the drawing board and interviewing a sample of more than 300 daughters of divorce in the past ten years, I have come to this conclusion: While adult children of divorce have double... Read more