8 Keys to Success in a Remarriage

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 3:57 pm By Terry Gaspard

Let’s face it, most couples in second or third marriages face obstacles that those in first ones just don’t. It’s no surprise that while the divorce rate for first marriages hovers around 45 percent, the rate for second marriages is approximately 67 percent. You might wonder why this is, since intuitively we should learn important lessons from our first marriage and carry those into subsequent ones. Most remarried couples have unrealistic expectations and once the romance of dating and early marriage... Read more

How to Get Unstuck From the Approval Trap

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 3:58 pm By Terry Gaspard

For most of my life, I’ve been stuck in the “Approval Trap” because I’ve been fearful of losing the approval of others. In my experience, it is possible for you to find your own voice and act from a place of personal power. Many of the women I interviewed for my studies on divorce felt that being raised in a divided home impacted their self-esteem. Keep in mind, you will exercise personal power when you speak up for what you... Read more

7 Steps to Overcoming the Legacy of Divorce

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 3:58 pm By Terry Gaspard

During the past two decades, I’ve researched the legacy of divorce and worked as a coach and therapist to individuals experiencing family upheaval and breakup. What I’ve come to realize is that what many experts say is true – divorce does run in families. After going back to the drawing board and interviewing a sample of more than 300 daughters of divorce in the past ten years, I have come to this conclusion: While adult children of divorce have double... Read more

Conflict Doesn’t Have to Be a Destructive Force in Your Marriage

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 3:58 pm By Terry Gaspard

Most of us dislike conflict. Very few people were raised with healthy role models for dealing with differences. But while conflict may appear to be a destructive force in relationships, it can actually help us achieve lasting love. Author Kate McNulty, LCSW writes, “Differences can be a source of interest and fresh energy rather than cause us to dig in our heels and defend our positions.” For instance, in the past, Trevor would often get defensive and avoid disagreements with Sam because he... Read more

Are You Honest With Your Partner About Your Money Habits?

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 3:59 pm By Terry Gaspard

Despite the fact that financial issues and money problems are the number one subject couples argue about and a leading cause of divorce, there are few studies that address the issue of financial secrecy or financial infidelity. The reason why many people keep secrets about money is fear of being abandoned, shame, and fear of being vulnerable due to past betrayal by a parent or partner. According to researchers, romantic partners aren’t always honest about money in their relationships, but... Read more

How to Nurture Emotional and Sexual Intimacy and Fall in Love Again

Last updated on: November 1, 2022 at 5:08 pm By Terry Gaspard

Many couples like Marcia, 42, and Joshua, 43, are feeling stuck in a loveless marriage with few expressions of affection and love. When we met for couples counseling, Marcia put it like this: “We rarely spent time together and when we do, we argue and it feels like I’m always trying to get Josh to open up. When he shuts down and that causes me to go into overdrive and try hard to seek him out. Then he retreats and... Read more

Make Forgiveness Work For You After Divorce

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 4:00 pm By Terry Gaspard

The concept of forgiveness takes on a new meaning after divorce because no one marries with the intent of divorcing and hurt and shame can run deep. In my case, I was determined not to repeat the patterns of the past since divorce goes back several generations in my family. In my Huffington Post article Breaking the Legacy of Divorce , I write about my difficulty getting out from divorce’s shadow. What does forgiveness really mean? What I’ve come to realize... Read more

What is a Growth Mindset?

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 4:00 pm By Terry Gaspard

For most of my career as a therapist and college teacher, I’ve been looking for a theory that explains how people can adjust to change, not give up easily on themselves, and embrace challenges. In my early training as a therapist, I learned that personality was rather fixed because a person’s temperament rarely changes. Then in 2010, I read a cutting-edge book titled Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck and my thinking was transformed. What Dweck... Read more

4 Reasons Why Keeping Secrets Can Destroy Your Marriage

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 4:01 pm By Terry Gaspard

In my lifetime, I’ve experienced many reasons to mistrust partners stemming from my own background or being lied to. However, in recent years I’ve learned that keeping secrets from your partner is really a form of betrayal and leads to a lack of trust and intimacy in a relationship. I used to believe that a breach of trust was something that couples could bounce back from quickly but I’ve gained insight about the ways this isn’t usually the case. For... Read more

How to Co-Parent Successfully and Help Your Children Thrive

Last updated on: February 19, 2020 at 4:01 pm By Terry Gaspard

After my divorce, my two children (now grown) spent close to equal time with both myself and their father. During a nine year period, they experienced many transitions including a new stepfather, stepmother, and the birth of their sister, who is now twenty-one. My experience with shared parenting was positive because I observed my children maintain a close bond with both me and my ex and grow into successful adults. My research shows that adults raised in divorced families report... Read more