When we get close to someone new, it can bring unresolved issues from our past to the surface. Suddenly, we’re very cognizant of the very things that we might want to avoid dealing with, like pains from a past breakup. Over and over again, I’ve seen relationships sabotaged or crumble apart because one or both partners are unaware that they bring a backlog of hurts, fears, and ambivalence from their past into present interactions. The first step in getting out... Read more
The healthiest intimate relationships are ones born out of trust and vulnerability. Each partner approaches one another as an equal. Many of the couples that I counsel can do this for short periods of time, but get defensive, throw in the towel, and either blame each other or withdraw after a while. So why is it so hard to maintain a blissful state of love with a partner over time? The following tips designed to manage and repair conflicts may be a starting... Read more
Alexis, 38, and her husband David, 39, have been struggling to find time together for some time with limited success. The both have busy careers and three active children under the age of ten. When a problem arises in their home, they tend to point the finger at each other. Alexis put it like this: “Our relationship always seems to be put on the back burner between household chores and the kids soccer games, and community events. We’re starting to drift... Read more
In previous blog posts, I’ve looked at the impact that social media and app-based dating has on long-term success in relationships, but in her recent article in Divorce Magazine, Wendi Schuller has added a new wrinkle to the equation. While it’s certainly the case that dating patterns of millennials have changed with the rise of services like Tinder, Schuller looks specifically at how those same apps have affected older people searching for companionship on the other side of a divorce. In her analysis, Schuller... Read more
What makes for a happy, fulfilled relationship? While this is a complex question that doesn’t lend itself to a quick answer, there are aspects of successful and lasting relationships that have been studied by experts and many approaches to pick from. The good news is that if you are in a relatively happy relationship, there are some simple things you can do – positive behaviors – that can make your relationship better. While I believe it’s important to be vulnerable with your... Read more
In the U.S., approximately two-thirds of couples live together before marriage; this number is compared to one-half of couples 20 years ago, according to The Pew Research Center. The same Pew study reports that approximately 50 percent of adults over age 18 marry; this number is compared to 72 percent in 1960. In addition, the medium age at first marriage has never been higher for brides (26.5 years) and grooms (28.7 years) according to this report. For the first time in the... Read more
There is growing concern among parents about the influence of a parent who have narcissistic traits upon their child. Many books and articles have been written about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). While these publications have great merit, few have examined the impact on children of living with a parent with narcissistic traits. However, there is some evidence that children raised by a narcissist can adopt some of their personality characteristics such as self-centeredness, inflated sense of entitlement, and lack of empathy. In... Read more
With the appearance and frequency of online and app-based dating increasing, young couples are increasingly dealing with the perils and pitfalls of long-distance relationships. Previously, a relationship hurdle primarily relegated to couples separated by factors like relocating for work, the realities of virtual dating have removed geographical proximity as a prerequisite for romance — young people don’t need to meet, they can now simply, and remotely, “e-meet.” The issues confronting long-distance couples are so common, that a recent article on... Read more
Two of the most talked about sociological topics of the day collide in Hannah Smothers’ article “Young Marrieds Are Staying Married, Thanks To Our Divorced Parents,” in the most recent of Cosmopolitan. Diving into the data and picking apart the latest research, Smothers takes a long look at marital success among the most maligned generation — millennials. With more millennials entering the ranks of marriage, the article challenges the notion that younger generations are creating a throw away culture. While Smothers... Read more
Many women underestimate the importance their father has in their lives. For the most part, a father’s presence (or lack of presence) in his daughter’s life will affect how she will relate to all men who come after him and can impact her view of herself and her psychological well-being. My research for Daughter’s of Divorce spanned over three years and was comprised of 320 interviews of young women who reflected upon their parents’ divorce. The most common themes that emerged from... Read more
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In