But does this mean that the institution of marriage hasn’t become completely obsolete yet? Since I believe in marriage, I see the declining divorce rate as positive and believe it’s a good sign that many couples are dating for longer periods and waiting until they get older to marry. For instance, Marisa and Jack met in college at the age of 22 but waited until they had both settled into a job before they got engaged and married in their... Read more
Spending periods of quality time doing shared activities alone with your spouse each week is the most important way to deepen and strengthen physical and emotional intimacy. In fact, the amount of time a couple spends alone and with each other, talking, or sharing activities together is a key factor in predicting their overall marital happiness, according to psychologist Eli J. Finkel. In the All-Or-Nothing Marriage, Finkel explains that there has been a 40% decline in the last three decades... Read more
Despite the fact that money problems are the number one subjects couples argue about and a leading cause of divorce, there are few studies that address the issue of financial secrecy or financial infidelity. The reason why many people keep secrets about money is fear of being abandoned, shame, and fear of being vulnerable due to past betrayal by a parent or partner. Learning how to have productive, low-conflict discussions about money is essential to handling finances in a healthy... Read more
In a recent marriage.com article, the pros, cons and positive potential of trial separations in marriages in turmoil is explored. The traditional view of trial separations is that making the decision to create space, or “take time off,” in a marriage is the first of a number of steps on the road to divorce. But increasingly, the initially counterintuitive notion that couples consciously creating distance can actually save a relationship, is being explored. In her article, Kelli Hastings, LCSW delves... Read more
You’ve heard the timeworn — and so often true — cliche: marriage is work. No matter how strong a marriage or remarriage is, couples often encounter a common set of conflicts. Whether early in a new marriage, or after years together, these universal issues tend to revolve around communication, or a lack thereof. In a recent article for the Cleveland Clinic, Dr. Adam Borland explains the five most prevalent marital problems and suggests that the solution is as universal as... Read more
All girls deserve to have a positive relationship with their father but this relationship can be strained after divorce. Girls and young women stand a better chance of becoming a self-confident woman if they have a close connection with their father. A dad’s presence (or lack of presence) in his daughter’s life will affect how she relates to all men who come after him. My research for my book, Daughters of Divorce, spanned over three years and was comprised of over... Read more
In recent years, there has been a lot of traction on the web about grey divorce. If you are over age 50 and have been married for a few decades, the media might have you questioning if your marriage is in on the rocks and you may not even realize it. The Pew Research Center’s report, “Led by Baby Boomers, Divorce Rates Climb for America’s 50+ Population” paints a worrisome portrait of marriage over 50 since they claim that the... Read more
When we get close to someone new, it can bring unresolved issues from our past to the surface. Suddenly, we’re very cognizant of the very things that we might want to avoid dealing with, like pains from a past breakup. Over and over again, I’ve seen relationships sabotaged or crumble apart because one or both partners are unaware that they bring a backlog of hurts, fears, and ambivalence from their past into present interactions. The first step in getting out... Read more
The healthiest intimate relationships are ones born out of trust and vulnerability. Each partner approaches one another as an equal. Many of the couples that I counsel can do this for short periods of time, but get defensive, throw in the towel, and either blame each other or withdraw after a while. So why is it so hard to maintain a blissful state of love with a partner over time? The following tips designed to manage and repair conflicts may be a starting... Read more
Alexis, 38, and her husband David, 39, have been struggling to find time together for some time with limited success. The both have busy careers and three active children under the age of ten. When a problem arises in their home, they tend to point the finger at each other. Alexis put it like this: “Our relationship always seems to be put on the back burner between household chores and the kids soccer games, and community events. We’re starting to drift... Read more
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