One of the most challenging times of year for all family members following divorce is the holiday season. Memories from past years might flood your already stressed brain as you drive in your car and holiday music comes on the radio. For the recently divorced parent, the holidays can be an emotional, stressful, and perhaps a lonely time of year – especially if they don’t have new traditions and support systems in place. First and foremost, you need to... Read more
Many people fear relationship failure. Authentic love may make you feel vulnerable because you fear the unknown or worry about when it will end. Putting trust in someone can make you feel exposed. You might even believe that the more you care about someone, the more at risk you are for being hurt. Recently, I met with Blair, 29, who reflected, “The thought of commitment scares me, I just can’t see myself with Justin in the future. I know he... Read more
As divorce rates among adults over 50 continue to climb, many adult children of long-time married parents may have difficulty dealing with feelings of bewilderment and loss – with few places to turn for advice and support. The media tends to neglect adult children of divorce and focus more on the impact of divorce on children. In fact, adult children of divorced parents (ACODS) tend to be the forgotten ones because common wisdom tells us they won’t be as impacted... Read more
It’s important to discuss financial issues with your spouse before and after you get married. With time and patience, you can identify your fears and concerns about money matters. It’s also key that you and your partner pay attention to the red flags of financial infidelity, such as hiding debts or secrets accounts, which contribute to marital problems. Stress related to finances is a leading cause of divorce. Justin, 48, and Serena, 45, have been married fourteen years and have... Read more
Whereas we hear a lot about the value of couples learning better communication skills, learning how to give and take is essential for both people to feel relatively satisfied in their relationship. According to the authors of the study The Normal Bar, the happiest couples learn to compromise. They write: “This seems to be the core secret for relationship happiness: frequent compromises over time, and balance in giving and getting, conceding and winning.” What is the meaning of the word... Read more
Many women become involved or even obsessed with the wrong partners – ones who are emotionally unavailable, unfaithful, addicted to substances – or who cannot love them back. Becca, a bright and outgoing thirty-year old, provided Kevin with unconditional love and did her best to make up for his unhappy childhood. After they moved in together, she tried to anticipate his every need and provided him with a warm and supportive home. She often put her needs on the back... Read more
For a relationship to be balanced, partners must be able to depend on one another and feel they are needed and appreciated for support they give. If they have been let down in the past, the prospect of needing someone can be frightening. Women with a fear of depending on their partner usually aren’t aware of it. Often they complain that their partner is not meeting their needs. Many women who are fearful of love fall into one of two... Read more
In most cases, red flags appear fairly early on in a relationship that can signal eventual disaster if they’re not dealt with. In fact, most divorced couples report that one or both partners buried resentment and avoided dealing with their problems for years prior to their breakup. A healthy relationship is built on trust and vulnerability which involves sharing your innermost feelings, thoughts, and wishes. It’s important to remember that all couples have perpetual problems and can develop tools to deal with them. It’s... Read more
Dear Terry, I’ve been dating Steven for two years and he wants to make a commitment to be exclusive, and hopefully engaged soon. In the past few weeks, I’ve been getting cold feet and I don’t know why. Steven’s a good guy, smart, good-looking, and ambitious. He’s finishing up a master’s degree in engineering and will get a great job because he already has a lot of experience working at his dad’s company. You see, we are only twenty-five and... Read more
Dear Terry, I’m in a relationship with a man who doesn’t respect me and treats me poorly. I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again and don’t know how to change this pattern. He won’t end it because I do a lot for him but it rarely seems like he thinks about me or considers my needs. I desperately need your advice because I have two children, ages six and ten, and I don’t want them to suffer... Read more
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