Dear Terry, My husband recently moved out and left me for another woman. This person is someone he worked with that I thought I could trust and it left me feeling betrayed and devastated. I’m not taking good care of myself lately, stopped going to the gym, and I’m not eating regular meals. It feels like I’m just trying to survive the breakup. I have two children, ages 8 and 10 and my husband didn’t even say goodbye to his... Read more
Expect plenty of storms in remarried life. The complications of a newly created stepfamily or blended family can be daunting and it can take years for the family “norms” to take hold. Conflict and rivalries between family members – especially stepparents and stepchildren – can make day to day life stressful and chaotic at times. Most experts agree that it can take a remarried family up to four years to reach a state of equilibrium. For instance, Justin and Maggie... Read more
Since I am an adult child of divorce who divorced with two children, I’ve always wondered about the rights of children of divorce. As a result, I interviewed hundreds of adults raised in a divorced homes to learn more about their perspective on this topic. In fact, my research on children of divorce spans a few decades I’ve been impressed with the wisdom of respondents who are struggling to understand the impact of divorce on their lives and choices so... Read more
I recently read a study by the American Sociological Association that discovered that women initiate two thirds of all divorces, an astounding 69% to be exact. This fact caused me to ask the following questions: What can women do to prevent divorce? And how can we break the negative pattern of relating that can lead to the demise of our marriages? First of all, it’s important to become conscious of your expectations. Dr. Brené Brown writes, “The fastest way for an expectation... Read more
If you think it will take grand gestures to show your spouse how much you adore them, you are wrong. In fact, many studies show that the formula needed to create long-lasting love is made up of small gestures such as giving your partner a kiss when you depart for the day. Another small gesture that expresses love is bringing him or her a hot cup of coffee without them asking you to do so. One of the things that... Read more
For years, I struggled to save my second marriage from the brink of divorce because I bought into many myths about remarriage. However, I was determined to beat the odds and avoid a second divorce so I began to explore some of the myths and unrealistic expectations that were causing me to feel pessimistic and unhappy with my marriage. While many couples see remarriage as a second chance at happiness, the statistics tell a different story. According to available census... Read more
Do you wish that you could skip over the holidays? The sound of Christmas music can be heard on almost every radio station. But if you listen closely, you’ll also hear the sounds of children suffering from stress overload. Our fast paced lifestyles include demanding jobs (paid an unpaid), lack of quality sleep, and financial stress, which, if combined with the holidays can keep the body in a state of chronic stress. The body’s reaction to stress is to increase... Read more
One of the most challenging times of year for all family members following divorce is the holiday season. Memories from past years might flood your already stressed brain as you drive in your car and holiday music comes on the radio. For the recently divorced parent, the holidays can be an emotional, stressful, and perhaps a lonely time of year – especially if they don’t have new traditions and support systems in place. First and foremost, you need to... Read more
Many people fear relationship failure. Authentic love may make you feel vulnerable because you fear the unknown or worry about when it will end. Putting trust in someone can make you feel exposed. You might even believe that the more you care about someone, the more at risk you are for being hurt. Recently, I met with Blair, 29, who reflected, “The thought of commitment scares me, I just can’t see myself with Justin in the future. I know he... Read more
As divorce rates among adults over 50 continue to climb, many adult children of long-time married parents may have difficulty dealing with feelings of bewilderment and loss – with few places to turn for advice and support. The media tends to neglect adult children of divorce and focus more on the impact of divorce on children. In fact, adult children of divorced parents (ACODS) tend to be the forgotten ones because common wisdom tells us they won’t be as impacted... Read more
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