Perhaps one of your biggest disappointments for people who are breaking up or divorcing a difficult ex, one who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder; or one with narcissistic traits, is that co-parenting with him or her will be a challenge and in many cases impossible. Parents in this situation must face this reality, learn coping skills, and have realistic expectations if they have children and strive to protect them from being stuck in the middle or emotional abuse. One of my... Read more
Dear Terry, My ex-husband was unfaithful to me and left me suddenly for a woman that he was having an affair with. It has been a horrible time in my life but I realize that I had a part to play in his leaving suddenly. It’s not my fault he was unfaithful but I never allowed him to explain things related to his affair and I regret this. It might have helped me gain closure because I have a lot... Read more
Over the last decade, I’ve talked to a lot of friends and clients who have had difficulty forgiving their former partner or ex-spouse for hurtful actions. At times, people equate forgiveness with weakness and it’s also widely believed that if you forgive someone you’re condoning their behavior. In my case, I held a grudge against my ex for many years and was unable to forgive him for his part in our divorce because it made me feel vulnerable to being... Read more
When it comes to relationships, it’s easier to focus on problems rather than to see your partner as a loving, caring person. However, if you want to deepen your bond with him or her, the first step is to decide together to carve out a 20-minute conversation daily and make it happen regardless of your busy schedules. Decide on the logistics such as the best location, pour yourselves a cold beverage, and begin. When I started making a 20-minute conversation... Read more
The teenage years can be rewarding, yet challenging for both teens and their parents. Helping your child to make a smooth transition to becoming a more independent and successful person can be complex in a divorced family. It’s important to recognize the difference between normal and problematic behavior so you can help your teenager develop coping skills, become more resilient, and to minimize any long-term negative effects from your divorce. Above all, do not put your head in the sand!... Read more
Dating after a divorce or break-up can be exhilarating, but when you have children, it’s a risky proposition. Often, I meet with clients who are single parents and they leap headlong into a new relationship — even move in with someone — only to face a devastating breakup. As a single parent, it’s normal to seek companionship and a sexual relationship after a breakup or divorce, but it’s important to take it slow when dating. Ask yourself, “Is my new... Read more
The cornerstone of a successful intimate relationship is trust. Previously, I believed that a breach of trust was something that couples could bounce back from quickly but I’ve gained insight about the ways this isn’t the case. For instance, most marriages don’t survive big betrayals or even a series of smaller ones. My current view is that finding healthy ways to be vulnerable, express your thoughts and feelings, and be honest with your partner, is the best way to build a... Read more
While being a “People Pleaser” has given me a sense of satisfaction at times, the outcome is fairly predictable. When I reflect back on choices I’ve made, neglecting my own needs has often left me feeling resentful and disempowered. For most of my life, I’ve been stuck in the role of “People Pleaser” because I’ve been fearful of losing the love or recognition of others. Fear of rejection often lies at the root of my tendency to bend over backwards to please others –... Read more
Infidelity doesn’t always signify the end of a marriage but it does shatter your view of the relationship. It causes you to question whether your marriage will survive the betrayal and whether you can regain trust in your partner again. The answer to this question depends on the couple and their willingness to resolve the issues and repair the relationship. While infidelity can be devastating to a marriage, some specialists believe that it is important to try to resolve the... Read more
Dear Terry, I have been married twice and both marriages were short in nature and shared surprisingly similar characteristics of dysfunction and emotional withdrawal. Both of my husbands were in dire need of “saving” and I entered into each union anxious from the beginning. Although I was not in touch with those emotions at the time nor of my tendency to rescue partners, I am now keenly aware of my people pleasing nature and trying to brake this pattern at... Read more
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