There’s no reason for a woman to expect pain the first time she has sex. I’m going to repeat that, just so we’re clear: There’s no reason for a woman to expect pain the first time she has sex. We’ve been conditioned to think otherwise, but plenty of women enjoy pain-free first-time sex. Yes, I said enjoy. Sex should be enjoyed, not feared. When we talk about first-time sex, most people have this idea in their heads about what it’s... Read more
What is sex? It seems like a straightforward question, but when we stop and think about it, it can get complicated. When most people think about sex, they’re thinking about a penis entering a vagina. But what about oral sex? What about sex between two people of the same gender? Is that somehow not sex? I’m not going to try to answer those questions here. I can’t tell any couple who is concerned with chastity “how far is too far.”... Read more
Given how many different hormones and body parts are involved in the menstrual cycle, it’s not surprising many women have complicated cycles. These menstrual complications range from mildly inconvenient to physically disabling. This information is especially important for Catholic men and women to know if we want to have realistic discussions about marriage and Natural Family Planning since some of these issues make it difficult, or even impossible, to predict fertility. Clergy who hear confessions and/or advise married couples should... Read more
In 2018, we couldn’t turn on the TV or log into our social media accounts without seeing more reports of sexual abuse. I can’t speak for every survivor of sexualized violence, but based on what I’ve personally heard from fellow survivors, 2018 was an especially rough year for us. As 2017 wound down, some of us felt like our time had finally come when #MeToo went viral. We saw a handful of powerful men held accountable, and that sparked some... Read more
The menstrual cycle may seem straight forward, but there’s more going on than most people realize. Since this is something most women experience about 450 times during their lives, it’s important for women and men to understand it. As we learn about the menstrual cycle, keep in mind women’s bodies aren’t identical. To keep things simple, we’ll talk about the average menstrual cycle in this description. When we talk about averages, keep in mind a significant number of women fall... Read more
Before getting into how a woman’s body functions, it’s helpful to understand the equipment we’re dealing with. I frequently run into men—and plenty of women—who were never taught basic female anatomy. This information is important for women and men. Even if you don’t have a vagina, someone you care about probably does, and the more you understand about women’s bodies, the better you’ll be able to advocate for women you care about. This post will focus on primary genitalia.... Read more
I don’t remember Thanksgiving 1999. I’ve tried to pull some shadow of a memory forward from that day, but there’s nothing. I remember uneventful Thanksgivings from when I was growing up in Texas and the year I had the stomach flu in Indiana. I have memories of every Thanksgiving before and after that year, but there’s nothing from 1999. I don’t think we celebrated it that year. There wasn’t much to celebrate, honestly. My family had just moved in with... Read more
I’m consistently surprised by just how little Christians tend to know about sex or the female body. For two things we usually obsess over, you’d think we’d understand both better. Many of us grew up in homes where talking openly about our bodies was considered crude or sinful, so we shy away from it. But it’s neither. We’re created in the image of God. How can talking about our bodies in a way that honors them be sinful? I can’t... Read more
If we want to fight sex abuse in the church, the first step is educating ourselves. We have to understand what abuse is and how predators operate. I asked Cyndie Randall, MA, LLPC to answer some questions so we can be better equipped to fight this evil. As you read, look out for links to resources she’s provided for us so we can learn even more. We hear a lot about sexual abuse, but sometimes people have different definitions of that. How... Read more
I was ten when my parents discovered Mennonites in northern Indiana. I have clear memories of their conversion process. My father worked all day, then stayed up late at night to read Anabaptism: Neither Catholic nor Protestant. The memory of walking into the dungeon room at Menno-Hof and hearing a hymn rise up out of a pit in the floor is something I’ll never shake. And I remember how excited my father was when my grandparents came up to visit... Read more
Way Station in the Wilderness
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