Last year I was on an airplane, struggling to lift my heavy suitcase into the overhead bin – and noticed some deep conflict in a few men near me. They seemed torn between wanting to help but feeling like they “should” hold themselves back. One man was actually gripping the armrests of his seat, as if to keep himself from jumping up to offer help Read more
“If we just had more money it would change everything . . .” That thought comes so easily when there are financial tensions in marriage. “If we just had an extra $200 per month, we wouldn’t argue about keeping the A/C turned down so low.” Or, “If my salary were higher, her weekly trips to Costco wouldn’t stress me out.” Those “if . . . then” thoughts are so tempting. After all, they allow us to blame the lack of... Read more
The good news: if you can talk about sex, you’re more likely to be happy in your marriage… and have more sex. Read more
After three years of research for our brand-new book, Secrets of Sex & Marriage, coauthored with renowned sex therapist Dr. Michael Sytsma, we have identified what Hollywood – and your friend in the locker room – gets most wrong about sex. And what you can do right. Read more
New dads: Based on these recent findings, you can view early fatherhood as a crucial window in which your engagement with your baby has an outsized impact. It’s a bit like having a limited-time, use-it-or-lose-it financial windfall. God has apparently wired your brain in such a way that as you spend hands-on time with your newborn during this stage, your brain will rapidly change to literally make you a better dad for the rest of your life. Read more
So the overall implication is clear for all the fathers out there: the more you are intentionally involved with your child, regardless of your parenting stage, the more you will be deepening those neural pathways, increasing your competence, and enjoying the confidence that comes with it! Read more
These two articles (see Part 1, here) are new entries in our series to equip engaged and newlywed couples – and anyone else trying to create a great marriage. Based on more than 18 years of research and 12 nationally-representative studies with more than 40,000 men and women, these articles identify some of the most simple (but essential) habits for highly happy marriages. And this research is newly recovered from the vaults! Share it with those getting married! * Read more
Perhaps now more than ever before, this secret is vital to creating a great relationship. My hope is that it will help many newlyweds – and everyone else! – avoid a common conflict trap and build connection instead. Read more
The temptation is to “should” on yourself – to beat yourself up. (“I can’t believe I did that to my spouse. I should have started cleaning up right away instead of procrastinating. I should have not made the mess in the first place…”) Even though your inner “should” statements may in fact be true, beating yourself up won’t actually change things, except to make them worse. Why worse? Because “shoulds” lead to shame, shame leads to defensiveness, and defensiveness prevents learning and actively protects bad behavior. Read more
What a year! After a wild and unprecedented (!!) 2020 and 2021, I finally feel like 2022 ushered in the “new normal.” In-person speaking events started back up again, and oh how good it was to gather together! Our team was extra busy as we finalized the manuscript on my newest devotional in the Find Series called Find Hope, which will release later in 2023 as well as the culmination of our big three-year research project on S-E-X! Our book, Secrets of Sex and Marriage, co-authored by Dr. Michael Sytsma, releases February 7, 2023 and we couldn’t be more excited to share it with everyone! Read more
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