Mother Confesses: I Killed Two of My Children



Rarely do you read something that feels like a punch in the stomach. But today, I read a blog that was so powerful, I just had to share.  It begins:

… The bumper sticker read, “Having an abortion does not make you un-pregnant, it makes you the mother of a dead baby”. The word “mother” struck me because “mother” is such a powerful word. It conjures many meanings, and when a woman becomes one she is fundamentally changed. “Mother” as a verb means to nurture, care for and protect. “Mother” as a noun means a female person who is pregnant with or gives birth to a child; or a female person whose egg unites with sperm, resulting in the conception of a child.

By this definition if you’ve ever been pregnant you are a Mother. Even if you’ve had an abortion you are still a Mother… a grieving Mother.

“A voice was heard in Ramah, sobbing and loud lamentation; Rachel weeping for her children, and she would not be consoled, since they were no more.” Matthew 2:18

There is no consolation to be had for the mother that loses a child. She will grieve in her heart for the rest of her life. Abortion; however, not only robs a child of it’s life and a mother of it’s child, it also robs the mother of her grieving. She is not allowed to grieve because she cannot publicly claim the title Mother.

Then, she gets personal.  Really personal.  She shares a secret that she’s been holding inside her for fifteen years.  Head over to her blog to read her story and maybe leave a note of encouragement.  I just wish I could hug this woman for having the courage to really speak out against the evils of abortion.

Read “Fifteen Years Later and Silent No More” and share it with a friend. Her message needs to reach as many people as possible.

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  • Bernard Shuford

    Another similar story is Tammy Hodge. She’s an awesome lady who aborted two children before finding Christ and making a huge difference in the world around her.

  • Ian


    That is a fantastic bumper sticker! Just Priceless!
    Great blog post.

  • Sue Lynn

    God Bless her!!!!! God excepts us and loves us that’s why He died and rose again and Lives today to draw us to Him and be saved for all time in His loving arms!!!!

  • Robin

    I’ve lost 3 babies and grieved for them for many years. Often if I’d see someone with little one’s it would hit like a punch in the stomach. The only thing that finally ended the grieving was God gave me a vision one day of the babies I’d lost. I knew they were in heaven, but, to actually see them immediately lifted the grief. My father had been dead for several years, the vision I had was, my dad was standing in front of me. He had one baby on his shoulder, one in his arms, and the other baby was clinging to his leg. The peace I had immediately was amazing. My father was smiling at me. It was all over in a split second but, the lasting affects of that one touch from God has lasted over 2 decades. He is the only way to true peace.

    • Paulette

      Bristol, thanks so much for sharing this blog with us! Thankfully God is a very forgiving Father, one who loves us in spite of our sins! Robin, my spirit lept when I read your message. My daughter who was a pure joy, passed when she was seven years old. My husband & I were standing in a quiet little room, holding hands with our pastor & praying when God gave me the vision of her with her long blonde hair & long white dress, she was skipping & picking wild white daisies with one hand while reaching up with her other hand, to place it into the hand of Jesus. I saw his hand as it touched hers, and I knew her time had come. As soon as I shared the vision, the nurse walked in to tell us the news, but we already had the peace of God that passes all understanding. We later found out several people within our church accepted Christ as a result of her death. Praise God as we were rejoicing although sadness touched our hearts at the same time.

  • bellagrazi

    If her personal experience with abortion prevents one woman from having one, then it will have been worth it. God bless her. Thank you for sharing her story, Bristol.

  • Joseppi

    A mother is not someone who simply gives birth. Any female or female animal can give birth but it takes a lot more than the act of giving birth to be called a mother.

  • Justine Stewart

    So sad but very courageous of her to speak about it. Thanks for sharing Bristol.

  • LMA

    A touching story, yes. Truly a courageous woman to share her truth. HOWEVER, what these women always fail to acknowledge is that if abortion hadn’t been legal, and if they hadn’t been able to obtain a safe abortion, they probably wouldn’t be here today to share their shame and regret. Abortion was made legal because so many women were having them anyway, and dying from the procedure. I always wonder exactly whose “sacred cow” abortion is, the ones who stand for preserving its legality and safety or those who would do away with it at any cost. When our lawmakers decide that affordable healthcare for all women and their children is a priority, that all women and their children deserve access to healthful food and quality public education, then you can start to question the usefulness of legal abortions. Until then, good luck pushing your morality on those who have their reasons to consider abortion.

    • Robin

      There isn’t a lot of difference from abortion clinics today and back alley abortions. Abortion clinics aren’t regulated. Abortion clinics are often filthy, they reuse medical equipment that isn’t meant to be reused, ect. Many women who are injured because of legal abortions and or killed, aren’t reported by the CDC as such. They usually are transported to an emergency room, the cause of death is listed as something other than abortion. Bleeding to death, sepsis, punctured uterus(not mentioning it was caused during an abortion), adverse reaction to anesthesia and other causes. It isn’t listed as caused by abortion, unless the woman dies at the abortion clinic.

      The procedure for doing an illegal abortion is much the same as it is today. They could be charged with murder and if caught doing an abortion could also be charged with a murder. If you were preforming an illegal abortion, wouldn’t you try very hard to be careful not to injure the woman? Many if you got caught back in the day, you were done.

      • LMA

        Sorry, but there are safe places to have abortions. I had an abortion in a clean, safe clinic. Maybe because I had money, I was in no danger of dying due to incompetence or filth. Though I appreciate your argument that causes of death after an abortion are listed as “something other than abortion…bleeding, sepsis, punctured uterus, adverse reaction to anesthesia…” these are not causes of death that are exclusive to abortions. I know of one person who died of an allergic reaction to anesthesia while undergoing a breast augmentation, and I know of another woman who bled to death after giving birth.

        • Robin

          I have a close relative that had two and another relative who had one and one friend, that I know of. The one relative was hit hard emotionally afterwards, not sure about the other one. My friend grieves over the one she had. She said when she had her son, the moment he was born, she realized what she had done. It might be safe physically, but, they are never safe emotionally or for the baby.

          • LMA

            I wouldn’t call it emotionally “unsafe.” It’s a difficult decision to make, but I have to say that I’ve made peace with my decision, and I believe that there are many women with a variety of reason for making the decision who are able to come to terms with it quite well. That’s not to say that I would do it again, but looking back, I’m glad that since I came to the decision to have an abortion that I had access to a safe one. And since I had it at 5 weeks, I don’t personally feel like I actually murdered a kid.

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  • tammy hodge

    i SO relate to this woman’s story. as bernard, commenter above, already mentioned, my story is so similar. I had two abortions as a teen. i kept those secrets hidden for years. until my first born was 5 months. once i started sharing, and understanding Gods forgiveness and finding the strength to forgive myself, everything began changing. i now have two children…18 and 15. i am writing a book about my journey. i had no idea when i was going through my first abortion that i would one day have to look my children in the eyes and tell them that i killed two babies. i wish when i was a teen i would’ve had the mindset to think of the future, consequences and impacts this would have on so many.

    tho i am grateful for the ministry it has provided!

    • Robin

      God bless you. I truly do feel for the women who’ve had them. They hurt everyone, and my heart goes out to you.