Todd Unctuous on The Pope in Cuba


Guest blogger Todd Unctuous is top commentator for MSM. With a degree in Media Studies from Scranton Community College, Todd writes for many papers and websites, and is known for his incisive writing, objective reporting and razor sharp comment.

I have been following for some time the travels of the Pope from Rome, and I see that this week he has been visiting Mexico and Cuba. Leaning on a cane and struggling to speak, the aged Pontiff must realize that his religion is now as old and frail as he is.

One of my colleagues at CBS–which is probably one of the most fair and objective sources for fair reporting and fine writing–sends this report from Cuba. It seems that the Catholic Church in Cuba is withering and will soon be swamped by two new religious movements. Santeria is a religion that is derived from the ethnic people themselves. A creative blend of African folklore and elements of Catholicism, it is a colorful, enjoyable and peaceful religion. Their ‘priests’ are called ‘spiritists’ and engage in colorful, enjoyable and peaceful customs like animal “sacrifice” in which they symbolically “kill” an animal and dancing. At night they “summon up spirits” of the dead in a symbolic ritual that is intriguing in it’s ancient symbolism.

The other new religion that is swamping the Catholic Church in Cuba is Pentecostalism. This colorful and enjoyable faith is built around the number five and has the Pentagram as it’s main symbol. And its adherents practice intriguing and colorful rituals in which they claim to be “healed” and “saved by the blood of the Lamb”. Kitty Shori-Chidduster is the English woman in charge of the Pentecostal religion in Cuba. As well as a Pentecostal Ms. Shori is also a priestess in the Episcopal faith. Ms Shori-Chidduster said joyfully, “We practice joy in our religion. I am joyful that I follow Christ. I am at peace and I am a woman!” She often speaks in tongues and is married to a Santeria spiritist named Abu Jeremiah.

I am not myself a religious man, but I do have respect for very religious people like the singer Madonna, Nelson Mandela and former President Jimmy  Carter. They show us that it is possible to be people of faith without being bound and blinded by dogma and strict moral regulations. Ms. Shori-Chidduster has said, “These Catholic rules are man made rules. The Pope is just an old white German man in a white dress.” Although I do have a great deal of respect for the Pope, the Dalai Lama and Joel Osteen, I have to admit that she does have reason on her side.

Why should the people of Cuba and other countries with poor people in them have their country invaded by an Italian pope who only wants to take over their country and control them with his outdated and superstitious rules? It is my wish that the people of Cuba shake off the shackles of Roman Catholicism. It is time for them to leave such an out dated and superstitious religion and embrace the colorful folk religions of their own past. Santeria, Pentecostalism and Episcopalianism are very good religions for people who live in a country like Cuba where they have had very little education.

Happily, here in the United States the growing trend is for people to shake of the shackles of religion altogether. This week in Washington DC which is our nation’s capitol we heard inspiring speeches from many of the top thinkers in our society. Comedians and television presenters joined with another top comedian from Oxford University in England to declare that religion was finished and that all intelligent and funny people should not argue about religion, but simply mock it. This is clearly the only way to deal with people like Catholics who insist on imposing their harsh religion on everybody else.

Finally, I leave you with these inspiring thought for the day from John Lennon, “Imagine a world without religion.” and perhaps most profoundly he would say to all followers of religion, “Let it Be.”

Todd Unctuous is forty-two.

For those who find Todd’s post disconcerting or controversial take time to learn more about him here.

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Todd Unctuous on Pope Francis
Todd Unctuous on Bill Clinton
  • Lee Anne

    oh gosh, oh golly! It is Todd’s wish that we throw off the shackles … alrighty then, Todd, since it is your wish, it will be done!

    Do these people (and I read Hawkin’s words yesterday) realize how ridiculous they sound? From the “water into wine” comment extolling their followers to mock and ridicule people, to actually believing that the Catholic Church wants to take over Cuba?

    My ears are listening – but all I hear is crying and more whining because they do not understand the truth. Let us pray for them and all others who do not understand.

  • John Sisak Jr

    Hmmm. A top commentator who misspells “its” twice? But I digress. I think that when you mentioned “Catholics who insist on imposing their harsh religion on everybody else”, you have us confused with Muslims or Hindus.

  • Fr. Dwight Longenecker

    Readers who are taking Todd seriously should click on the link at the bottom of the post to learn more about him.

  • Howard

    Todd Unctuous is forty-two.

    Really? I could have *sworn* that he had been around and writing for centuries, though under a wide variety of pseudonyms.

  • Arnobius of Sicca

    I’ve always enjoyed your Todd Unctuous and Vicar columns and I hope to keep seeing more of them, Father.

  • Francis

    I’m not sure whether it’s a credit to your parodic skills, Father, or an indication of the unparodiable [is that a word?] stupidity of so many media commentators on matters religious, that no matter how dumb you make Todd, people still think he’s for real. The best parody, of course, draws upon real life for its material – and there really are idiots (all too many of them) out there who write like this in all seriousness.

  • Gail Finke

    I love this post by Todd!! Especially: “Although I do have a great deal of respect for the Pope, the Dalai Lama and Joel Osteen…” and “Santeria, Pentecostalism and Episcopalianism are very good religions for people who live in a country like Cuba where they have had very little education.” Oh, and the bit about “Cuba and other countries with poor people in them.” TOO funny.

  • Alice

    I’m glad Todd explained that Washington D.C. is the capitol of our country.

  • Steve Brown

    Fr., what does Todd think about Tim Tebow?

  • Quid est veritas

    I love how Todd Unctuous is 42 like Jack Benny is 39. Too funny.

  • David N

    Love it that Fr D still needs to explain the irony. Spent too long in the UK, obviously. I’m waiting for him to present us with the thoughts of that well known gyrovague monk, Fr Peregrine Tetik – also known as Peri ‘Pa’ Tetik.

  • Susan T.

    The best I can do for Todd is pray for him while I attend my parish and practice my Catholic faith. The article is frightening and I also pray that Todd is one of kind and will eventually see the light.

    Mary mother of God, pray for us at the hour of our death.

  • Fr. Dwight Longenecker

    To learn more about Todd click the link at the bottom of the original post…

  • jcd

    Todd is also a faithful attendee at this conference each year: He never misses it!:

  • shadowlands

    Father D, the best bit for me, re your Todd character, is reading comments from folks who truly believe he is real. I can’t help but smile.

    His face is also really funny, you can just see him standing in a hotel bar shouting the odds on what’s what and who’s who as he sinks another double.

  • lethargic

    I feel sorry for the man whose photo is used for Todd. Who is the real man, anyway? Just curious.

  • Neal

    So I read this article, of course I disagreed with it, but I didn’t know it was satirical, I thought it was like, an Editorial from the New York Times….or the National Catholic Reporter. I wish I could say I’m joking…but I’m not.