Letting Go Is The Hardest Part

It’s been a little while since I spoke of my infertility struggles. It’s something that is present in my life every moment of every day and it’s difficult for me to focus on anything else these days. (Hence a slow down on the writing, unfortunately). There’s not much left to say about it. I do everything I can to make my body healthy and try again and again to find myself pregnant. No luck as of yet.

I’ve been noticing something recently. When you learn about prayer or wishing or “the secret” or magic or manifesting, they all have a common step at the end. After you’ve made your request, set your intention, made your desire known, you are instructed to then let it go.

How can we be expected to do that?

How can we do that?

To let it go feels too much like telling the Gods that it isn’t that important to me. It feels like if I don’t beg for it every moment of every day that the Gods might think I’m not that dedicated or don’t want it enough.

I’m too scared to let it go.

I know how powerful it can be to set aside the obsession over what you want and just trust in the Universe to provide what we need. Everyone always said that to find the right man I needed to stop obsessing, stop being desperate, and let it go. And I did manage to step back and relax, to come to terms with the idea that I might never get married. Of course it was when I came to that peace that I met the most amazing man who is now my husband.

Part of me knows that I need to find that relaxed peace about the baby situation but I’m so afraid. So very, very afraid.