Temple Buddy

There is one other member of my family who identifies as Hindu: a cousin a couple years older than me. It’s fascinating to me how our different life paths led us to almost exactly the same place! While I learned most of what I know from books and some experimentation, she has had a more authentic experience. Her husband is an Indian Hindu and she lived in India for many years. She speaks several Indian languages fluently and is quite comfortable going to temples and communicating with the priests there.

I am still, after all these years, nervous about going to temples.

As soon as I’m there I panic that I don’t know what I’m doing, that I’ll look foolish, that everyone will know I don’t belong. I lose all my confidence in an instant. I’m afraid people are looking at me, judging me, disapproving that I’m not doing something right. I’m sure nearly all of this is just in my head but it does prevent me from going to temple as often as I would like.

Well, I just found out that my cousin and her family are probably going to be moving much closer to me!

I’m so thrilled and excited. And one of the things I’m most looking forward to is being able to go to the temple with her and have her guidance! Having a buddy to go to temple with would make a huge difference in my life, I think.

Actually, now that I think about it I should ask some of my local Hindu friends to go with me sometimes too. I feel like being there with someone would ease all my anxieties. At least until I really get fully comfortable in a community. But there’s something about family that makes it so much easier. I feel safer being vulnerable in front of my cousin than just about anyone else. I know I can admit to her that I still don’t feel like I have any idea what I’m doing!