September 15, 2021

Could my depression have been caused by being a stay at home mom? The long days of same. The never feeling like I quite measured up. Oh, and the “I’ll do it tomorrow” because, you know…  tomorrow is the same as today. And when the depression and anxiety set in? You start believing that you couldn’t handle being out in the real world. You wouldn’t make it out there. Depressed people don’t do well out there. Anxiety in public would… Read more

September 14, 2021

            An Open Heart. What does that even mean? How do I get one of those? And what does it even look like to have one? These are my thoughts of late.   The opposite would be a closed heart. Or, we could talk about a soft vs. a hard heart. A warm vs. a cold heart. All of these seem to work with where my thoughts are taking me. It’s all about posture. The… Read more

September 13, 2021

              I used to use my “depravity” as an excuse. Wait… I forgot to put the word total in there. Total Depravity. As in…complete. All. All of me is depraved. Nothing good in me. Not even an ounce of goodness. Smh. So what did anyone expect? The bar was set real low. The words “I’m a loser” came out of my mouth quite frequently. A young momma, dripping with four small children and a… Read more

September 12, 2021

There were some years in there where I questioned my parents’ faith. Hear me on this. I was wrong. I know better now. But let me explain to you how it all went down. The questioning of their faith started when I went deeper into evangilcalism. Bible Studies and podcasts. Learning about the 10/40 window. The importance of spreading the gospel to all nations. Even losing your life if need be. Jesus was worth it. It was bad to collect… Read more

September 10, 2021

  Do you know what it’s like to be told your anxiety is a demon? I do. No, for real. The demon of fear was inside of me. And apparently this demon could be prayed out. Exorcised. In some strange way I believed it. Maybe it was because I wanted the anxiety gone. I didn’t want to go the long route. Just cast the dang thing out of me. It will be easier than years of therapy. So there I… Read more

September 8, 2021

I used to tell my husband he needed to lead me. Let me say it a little differently. I used to try to lead my husband to lead me. You see, I’m the “leader” type. Kind of just born that way. So, in our marriage, I would try to shut my mouth and follow. Be the gentle, quiet spirit woman I was supposed to be. So many other ladies in the church were so great at this. Not me. Hard… Read more

September 5, 2021

              Dear Little Karen, You are gonna be ok. God loves you. You’ve seen something no 9 year old should see. You’ve watched a poorly made movie that was meant to scare the “hell” out of you. I’m sorry you saw it. I’m really sorry no one took a minute to comfort you after your sweet little eyes saw something they could never unsee. A woman getting her head chopped off because she didn’t… Read more

September 4, 2021

I was told to stay in the ranks.               Do not seek help outside of this church. Anything you need? You can find right here. You see, I was all set to see a counselor for my anxiety that my doctor had recommended. My appointment was the next day. It had been set up for awhile because this particular therapist was hard to get into. He was a sweet, older gentleman who actually had… Read more

September 2, 2021

A new adventure. Writing on a new site. Hoping to bring along my old friends. And make some new ones. Karen Ruth Shock. Added my middle name because Kev says it sounds cooler. Kev is my husband of 28.5 years. He’s real cute. More on that later. I’m a momma of four grown children. They are all cute as well. Look like their dad of course. I homeschooled them for twenty years. Don’t let that fool ya. I was and… Read more

September 1, 2021

After a tear-filled counseling appointment, Krista looked at me and said “I think we’ve struck gold”.  I’ve been trying to get to the bottom of my health anxiety for, oh I don’t know, 26 years or so. Lot’s of therapy. Tons of prayer. Bible studies. Podcasts. Prozac. Never wanting to shy away from it all. Always being willing to dig a little deeper. Shovel some more dirt out of the way. Willing to put in the hard work to get… Read more

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