Bright, sunny, yellow. To a hipster church. What was I thinking? I guess… Maybe, I wasn’t? We had signed up to be greeters. I’m a good greeter. Hi! Hello! Good Morning! They may not let me preach, but they will let me greet. There we were. One dreary, winter morning. Kev and me. Standing at the door. Kevin… looking cool. Me… looking yellow. It was a nice thought. Yellow goes good with my blonde hair, and blue eyes. I was... Read more
I couldn’t play the game anymore. Honestly, I didn’t even know what game I was playing. Or that I was even playing a game at all. Looking back now, I realize I was. We were. Heavy hitters, actually. Leaders. Dreaming big dreams. Where lots of followers would follow. People would look up to us. Come to us for the answers. People might say we were succeeding. I’m not exactly sure what I would call it. And right in the... Read more
Destroyed or Deconstructed. I just noticed these are two different words… Although I would say my faith has been “deconstructing” for over a decade, I would NOT say it has been destroyed. See the difference? When something is destroyed, it is irreparable. You can not put it back together. Nope. My faith has not been broken into unusable fragments. It has, however been “deconstructed”. Take that back. It’s in the process of being deconstructed. I’m pretty sure it will be... Read more
Let’s talk about ants. Two stories. Two different perspectives. Both of them inspiring. Story Number 1: I remember talking to a mentor about my weight. I was upset about the pounds I had put on in my last pregnancy, and was comparing myself to the younger girls in our small group. She told me what she used to tell her kids as they were growing up. Do you think God looks down at us compares us to each other? ... Read more
Kev just schooled me on the topic of “grace”. I was sitting out here on the porch and typing up a nice little post. He asked what it was about. I told him it’s about how God doesn’t give us the grace for our imaginations. He thought for a second and then said, “I’ve never liked it when you’ve said that”. Wait… what? I’ve been saying it for most of our marriage. I mean, I Learned it from a mentor... Read more
Somewhere along the line, I learned to beat myself up. Put myself down. The more I hated myself? The better. Pride be gone. Death to self. Humility was the goal. If I wanted to be lifted up, I had to go lower. The way up was down. I remember being taught that if I had any pride in what I was doing? Then I would be better off not doing it. Has anyone else ever tried this? I have. Since... Read more
Everyone longs to belong. I’ve spent my life longing to belong. To fit in. The journey of a misfit. What box do you want me to fit into? Just tell me. I will jump on in. Oh, that one? Ok. It looks too small. Are you sure? Here I go. Wait. Maybe you should just put me in the box. Because, God knows I’m trying to jump in. I just can’t seem to fit. My legs are tired from a... Read more
It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shinning. Kids are playing across the street. There is an iced green tea in my left hand. A pen in my right. I have a full day planned. Mowing the lawn. Buying groceries. Making dinner for Lance and his friends. All good things. So much to be grateful for. So, why do I fret? Where is the peace? And why am I so hard on myself for not being able to find it?... Read more
I sat across from my friend. We had met at the studio where our daughters danced. She was delightful. And had the best laugh. Her church experience was not at all like mine. She knew very little about the spiritual world I was steeped in at that time. I was anxious to share all about it with her. Of course I was. That’s what we were made for. To share our faith. Anxious. Funny I use that word. I was... Read more
Lots of tears last therapy session. Ugly crying, in fact. “I just don’t get it”. “Nothing makes sense”. “Why can’t someone just make it make sense for me?. I left the appointment in tears. Without a concrete answer. The question? Who am I supposed to follow now? I’ve been taught my whole life to follow. Someone. Anyone. The leader. The elder. The pastor. The podcaster. I mean, yes, follow Jesus. Of course, follow him. But someone has to tell me... Read more
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In