“Oh, so we’re not doing that here?”. I heard this quote by Glennon Doyle a few years back. I got it. The story of my life. She was talking about her vulnerability on social media. After opening up about here alcoholism and bulimia. She realized she was the only one discussing the hard stuff. The “private” stuff. Me too. I do this too. I’ve been doing it for a very long time. Open mouth. Insert foot. The awkward one... Read more
I’ve always been known for hearing a teaching and being able to spew it all right back out. How much I’ve retained? Who knows. But, I do get excited about the new info. Quick to listen. Quick to speak. I’m learning, though. To let it simmer. Test it for myself. Run it by my own heart. Run it through my own brain for a minute. Is it true? Is it lovely? Kind or loving? I have a flare for the... Read more
I’m a performer. Always have been. The baby of our family. Always being told what to do. How to act. What to say. Who to believe. I got the memo. Loud and clear. I found my freedom in the memo. It was so much easier than having to think for myself. So much safer. I honestly thought the freedom came from staying in the lines. Abiding by the rules. Making them proud. Oh, but the lines began to blur.... Read more
Striving This is how I used to spend my mornings with God My “quiet times” Needing him to hear me To see me To believe me when I told him I needed him Crying out Please God, listen to me I will give you my list of all the things I will tell you how wretched I am And for sure ask you to forgive me for it I will read a whole chapter of your book Or two or... Read more
If someone says just the right word? It can send me into a spiral. Yes. I know. It can happen to anyone. Trigger words. My niece just brought up Findlay. A town about an hour away. Mostly, Findlay just makes me think of the best pizza in the world. But, also? I think of the time… I was 19 years old. Pregnant and not married. Living with my parents and going to college. In the Christian world this was a... Read more
Misfit. Imposter. Too much. Not enough. Too old. Too young. Always there. Never belonging. Walking into a room. Longing to be seen. Seen for who I am. Yes. Seen and loved for who I am. Except? Who really knows me? I don’t even know if I know me. Let’s start here… Cheer Coach? Wait, I don’t know enough about stunting. Teacher? Wait, I’m just a sub. Poet? I put periods at the end of each line. Homeschool mom who let... Read more
I can’t un-know all I know. I can’t un-see all I’ve seen. There’s no turning back. There was a time when I didn’t know. I just believed. Just took what was said as Truth. No digging. No searching. No questioning. The music played. I stood up. I sang. I raised my hands to the sky. I reached my hands out to God. The God in my mind. The one on a throne up there somewhere. Looking like Gandalf. Just trying... Read more
Purity. Pure. White as snow. Holy. Clean. Fresh. Beautiful. Clear. Unblemished. A culture of purity. A movement. Where we adults taught the young people the importance of it all. How to “stay pure”. How to think pure thoughts. Find a pure partner. Keep a pure heart. Stay this way for Jesus. Sex? Don’t even think about it. Not even a hint. Not.even.a.hint. Kiss it all goodbye. Kiss sex goodbye. Kiss holding hands goodbye. Better than all of that? Just kiss... Read more
When depression hits Everything seems bigger The dark gets darker The night gets longer The house seems messier The World looks scarier And my life feels lonelier A molehill becomes a mountain One I don’t much feel like climbing My body feels weary The burdens too heavy Bed sounds good Sleep would be nice Yes Sleep it off Until my head hits the pillow And my thoughts start spinning What is wrong with me? What is wrong with this World?... Read more
How did I do it? How did we do it? Just sat there. Week after week. Conference after conference. Rally after rally. Taking notes. Falling asleep. Drinking coffee to stay awake. Hearing what our itching ears wanted to hear. I was I head shaker. A front row sitting head shaker. You know the kind? Every speaker loves us head shakers. We are the ones who keep them going. No matter the subject. Laugh. Cry. Agree. Make sure speaker sees I... Read more
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In