Disney Buys The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints

Los Angeles, California – The Walt Disney Corporation announced the purchase of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS) in a 4.05 billion dollar package that includes cash and stock.

Andrew Canard, CEO of Disney, stated that after the recent acquisition of Lucasfilm, buying the 175-year-old church was a logical choice,”We wanted to corner the science fiction/fantasy market.”

The LDS brings much to Disney. The church has a worldwide reach and a legion of fans dedicated to the fantastical story of how the angel Moroni gave reported con man Joseph Smith golden plates that only he could translate with the aid of his special divining stone. Unlike Lucasfilms, the creator of the LDS stellar mythology where mere mortals can rule their planet is long dead and can no longer interfere with the production of high-quality Disney/LDS products.

“We don’t want to dilute the LDS brand, but Disney is looking to tweak some of the traditional merchandise and give it a fresh look,” stated Mr. Canard.

The new and improved Mormon underwear

Experts agree that Disney got an exceptionally good deal. Although the LDS claims 14 million members sociologists estimate that there are only 5 million active members. The LDS’ recent decision to lower the missionary age from 19 to 18 in men and 21 to 19 for women has been widely seen as a desperate move to expand their base of followers. What the real prize for the Disney Company are the 139 active temples as well as the 29 future ones in the pipeline.

“The Walt Disney Company is an American company. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is an American faith. Disney will promote the family values that the LDS represents through our movies. Our acquisitions of Pixar and Lucasfilm will be involved in LDS inspired films all ready in production: Star Wars: Moroni’s Revenge, The Day the Ewoks Died, a retelling of the Mountain Meadows massacre on the forest moon of Endor and Jar Jar Binks Bible Stories,  a kids’ film featuring that lovable character playing all those classic characters like Noah, Moses and Jesus.” – Mr. Canard.

One of the added benefits is the extra exposure Disney is going to garner due to this deal occurring so close to the general election. The Trump campaign is trying to eek out every benefit it can by cozying up to a classic American institution.

I’m on a mini-vacation and in my hotel room as I write this. Pancakes are on the menu this morning. There may or may not be bacon. Personally, I’m never not in a bacon mood, so it’s a safe bet there will be bacon. This Poe is from one of my old blogs. I wrote it when Romney was running for President. (I know, I’ve been doing this schtick for a while.)

I made this duck thing. I suppose it’s a case for an iPhone. Check it out, if you’re interested. 

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