Mister, you need something more than sex, and your wife needs you to seek intimacy that is not initially sexual in nature. Many men are irritable because they do not experience enough intimacy with their wives. When opportunity arises, lie down on the couch and put your head in her lap. Let her twirl your hair or tickle your ear. Lie on the bed and scratch her back and she yours. Talk quietly and fellowship. Some of you guys that think you married a cold turkey will stoke the fire and awaken the beast with a half hour of intimacy. Women who are cherished will give until they pass out. You need her just as she needs you.

While I agree with Michael that wives need intimacy that is not sexual, I disagree at his reasoning. It seems he’s saying here “give her a bit of what she wants and she’ll put out”. Also, I was a wee creeped out by Michael’s use of the same “intimate” tactics his mother used to put him to sleep as a precursor to sex in marriage. And while some women (or men) enjoy being scratched and close contact, some don’t. Or some do depending on the circumstance. It depends on the person. It would probably be better to know your spouse’s physical contact needs. The end is just…insanely out there. A half hour of touching will “awaken the beast” who will give (and we all know what they’re giving) until they pass out? Is passing out during sex normal? I just don’t know what to think here.

If getting close results in getting hurt, start ministering to her needs. When you meet her needs, she will meet yours, but you must first be willing for it to be a one-sided relationship. At first you will do all the sacrificing and make her the beneficiary of your blessing. In time it will balance out until you are both trying to outdo the other in giving and blessing. That’s when it gets real good.

Interesting. Debi’s book talks about how women can, unilaterally, change their marriage. Now Michael is preaching the same thing, but with men. Why do relationships have to be one sided? What’s wrong with sitting down as a couple and saying something like “Something isn’t working. Neither of our needs are being met and we are both miserable. Perhaps we should talk about this.” Instead, it’s like the movie Fireproof. A man wins back his wife with service. Don’t get me wrong. Service is great. But it isn’t a patch for communication and honesty. Since when is a “good” marriage a contest to see who can serve the other more? Yes, my husband and I serve each other, but we don’t keep score, and it’s certainly not a contest! A lazy or not as well-meaning spouse will, invariably, take advantage of the one doing the serving. And let me point out: serving your spouse to manipulate them into “blessing” you is selfish and wrong. You should want to serve your spouse because making them happy is important to you. Not so they put out more.

Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part4

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