Quoting Quiverfull: Love Your Husband But Deny Your Emotions?

Quoting Quiverfull: Love Your Husband But Deny Your Emotions? December 30, 2016

quotingquiverfullby Lori Alexander from The Transformed Wife – Thirty-Six Years of Marriage

Editor’s note: Apparently Lori and Ken just celebrated their anniversary and Lori waxed on about what she’s learned in that time between asking her readers to send photos of them kissing their spouses. Warning, there’s two photos of Lori and Ken kissing on the blog. But, just like the flip flopping Lori does in her book ‘The Power of the Transformed Wife’ she stresses the need to show love to your husband and then turns around and tells you to deny all negative emotions, hold your feelings in check. Can she not see how impossible and toxic it is to just allow only one set of emotions?

Contrary to the popular opinion that husbands need respect way more than they need love, no, they need love just as much or more. Why would God tell us that the greatest commandment was to love Him and others as we love ourselves if men didn’t need love? Love is the greatest thing to build a marriage upon. Memorize 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. This is the definition of love. The Lord tells older women to teach younger women from Titus 2:4 to love their husband so love him deeply. Love him for who is and that he is a gift the Lord has given you. Tell him you love him often. Show him you love him by smiling every time you see him. Laugh with him and enjoy him. Enjoy your time of intimacy with him and have it as often as he wants. This helps keep him close to you.

Don’t allow your feelings and emotions to rule your life. Be in the Word consistently and allow it to rule your life and actions. Take every thought captive to the obedience of the Lord. Be kind and a blessing to your husband. Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill by dwelling on it for a long time and getting angrier and angrier, then blasting him with it. No, keep giving it to the Lord and every time a negative thought

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfullycomes into your mind, just kick it out and think about something good.

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Open Letter to Lori Alexander

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • A. Noyd

    If you have to constantly stifle and deny your negative emotions to the point that you never shut up about it, that sounds an awful lot like they’re ruling your life.

  • guest

    Ack, Lori, you get it right but then you manage to twist it into something unrecognizable.
    Love him? Yes! Enjoy him? Yes! Accept him for who he is? Yes! Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill? Yes!
    But shut up and put out, bite your tongue, only ever smile at him, deny any real problems just to keep him happy and close? No!
    Lori, I think this worked for you because you were a nagging, grumpy wife who refused to see the good in your husband. It worked for you because your husband is basically a decent person (we assume….), who provided for you very well, even in your illnesses. He put up with being lied to and being insulted for his choices of food. He had a second child before he wanted to. He ate your big salads.
    With your extreme behavior, you may be helping him become a tyrant who believes husbands may and should discipline their wives and have every right to demand from their wives what you teach them to give their husbands. That tendency is in him too, and you are feeding it, it appears.

    Marriage is a relationship. All relationships demand respect, some biting of the tongue but not always, and some giving in to the partner’s needs, but not always. That’s the way you become a non-person and you make him a very negative influence on men. Just read the counsel he gives men on your blog.

    Love is a lot more complex than just smiling at someone and giving him what he wants, when he wants it. God is love and God challenges us and wants us to become the best we can be. Love sacrifices but it also speaks truth. I don’t see much love in anything your write, Lori.

    And one more thing, Lori, we are to love our neighbors (other people), not just our husbands. You have stopped arguing with him only to provoke all sorts of arguments on your blog and facebook page. Arguments you appear to relish in and enjoy immensely. You just took your storm to a different teacup.

  • Nea

    Love your husband by lying to him, hiding from him, repeating rote phrases and faking all kinds of emotions. Love your husband, but don’t expect to *be* loved by him enough for him to give a flying fuck about your fears, your concerns, your health, or your physical enjoyment.

    Master that and you, too, can brag online and in books through obviously gritted teeth about how happy you are.

  • KarenH

    You know how you stop burying your anger and letting it fester until you explode from it? Just. Fucking. Talking. Tell your husband what’s bothering you. Assuming he’s not an asshole, he might even be glad you did.

  • Nea

    Thing is, that’s a hell of an assumption in this culture.

  • Krissi_C

    It’s possible she looks at it like my father: love isn’t a FEELING, but an action (or series of actions). As he said, FEELINGS can wax or wane, but actions are something you can control, and something like love MUST be something you can fully control.

    And I’m not really talking about the vaguely new-agey way, but in the “of course arranged marriages were/are just as good as marrying freely” way. I’m sure being divorced when he didn’t want to had nothing to do with those views….

  • paganheart

    So is Lori going to be like the Duggars and remove photos of any same-sex or interracial couples kissing that are posted on her blog? Just asking….

  • katiehippie

    “Enjoy your time of intimacy with him and have it as often as he wants.”

    Saddest thing I’ve ever read.

  • Rachel

    That’s what I was thinking. I found myself wishing I had a good kissing photo of me and my girlfriend to pass along–interracial lesbian romance. Double whammy!

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Oooh, then don’t read Lori’s thoughts on sexy times in tonight’s chapter of ‘The Power of the Transformed Wife’. She makes the claim that vacations are primarily about sex and not to worry about those pesky rugrats of yours sharing a hotel room with you.

  • persephone

    Ken did cheat on her. As much as I hate it, I can understand it, and I don’t really blame him. But if he’d been honest with himself and Lori, he should have gotten a divorce years before.

  • persephone

    I’m going to need some Pepto after I read it, aren’t I?

  • guest

    Do you have any proof that he actually cheated on her? I’d like to see it.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Did he? I have seen writing where Lori has published the accounts of women who write her would have been cheated on, but no first hand Lori admitting Ken cheated.

  • persephone

    It was in something that Lori wrote that I read a week or two ago. I don’t remember if it was on the blog or in the book.

  • persephone

    It may have been in the intro to her book.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    She quoted some cheated upon wives in both the book and the blog. Going back to reread the beginning of the book to see if it was there.

  • Allison the Great

    They removed photos of biracial couples too?

  • Jo

    Someone trolled through her blog and she said it is mentioned in the blog, however I can’t remember reading it (not that I read her every word). its also mentioned on the Amazon review page for her book.

  • paganheart

    I recall reading at the time of the scandal over same-sex couple photos being removed from the Duggar’s Facebook page, that there were complaints from some interracial couples that the Duggars either wouldn’t post their photos or took them down. Don’t remember where I read it, though.

  • persephone

    I’ve been too slammed to go back through everything I’ve read of Lori’s. Also, it’s NYE, and I refuse to spend it reading that poison.

    When I get some time I’ll go back through my comments, which should help pinpoint what I read.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    That would be great because I’m puzzling over where it was published now…

  • Allison the Great

    That doesn’t surprise me.