Quoting Quiverfull: Men Always Dump Women After Unmarried Sex?

Quoting Quiverfull: Men Always Dump Women After Unmarried Sex? February 7, 2017

quotingquiverfullby Unknown at Girl Defined – La La Land: A Conflicting Message for Christian Girls

Editor’s note: The emphasis bolding below is mine. I would love to ask these two rather immature young women that run the Girl Defined blog why they think it is that you can sleep with someone you married and they don’t immediately lose interest now that they’ve had sex. Having sex with someone you’re not married to does not automatically get you dumped. It’s shame-based thinking like that which harms women. I haven’t seen this movie so I’m not sure how accurately they are describing the film.

La La Land was created to captivate your emotions with a whirlwind of catchy songs, romantic scenes, and quote-worthy lines. However, unlike traditional love stories, the last fifteen minutes of this movie deviate far from the “happily ever after path.”

[Spoiler Alert] The leading couple, Mia and Sebastian, share many romantic moments, lip-locking scenes, and even decide to move-in together. However, the last few scenes fast-forward five years to show Mia marrying another man.

You read correctly.

Mia does not choose to marry Sebastian, but smiles fondly on the time she and Sebastian spent together. The conclusion left for viewers is that while their relationship was important, it was not forever.

Only in la-la land (i.e. a fantasy world or dream world) does a girl smile as she sees her ex-boyfriend who lost interest in her after having sex. Only in la-la land can a girl feel unashamed as she runs into her former live-in boyfriend while on a date with her new husband.

The notions that cohabitation produces stable relationships, that unmarried guys will stay interested in girls after sex, and that a girl will experience no shame when she sees her ex-boyfriend (and former sex partner) while standing next to her new husband are all ideas that only truly exist . . . well . . . in a La La Land.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.

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  • Rachel

    Roughly 99% of my married friends (some Christian, some not) had sex with their partner before they got married. I guess they missed the memo…

    Actually, this makes me kinda want to watch La La Land so that I can better point out how this writer is misrepresenting the plot to suit his/her agenda. I never got into it because the trailers never showed much in the way of content, just cute imagery…

  • link487

    “… unmarried guys will stay interested in girls after sex, and that a girl will experience no shame when she sees her ex-boyfriend (and former sex partner) while standing next to her new husband are all ideas that only truly exist . . . well . . . in a La La Land.”

    Have the writers been living in a time warp? Plenty of women experience no shame, at all when standing next to a current husband and ex-boyfriend. Why should they? Sometimes people get together, love, learn and grow together—–and then grow apart. It’s healthy and normal.

    Past relationships are not cause for shame…except in CPM land.

  • Allison the Great

    Most couples in real life don’t break up just because they had unmarried sex. There are a myriad of reasons as to why couples break up. But guess what? Relationships end, and if a person not a weak overgrown child, breakups don’t shatter one’s whole life. One may be hurt for a short period of time, that that doesn’t last long.

  • AFo

    …what did I just read? I know most Christian denominations are against pre-marital sex, but this is making a whole lot of assumptions about a part of society that they admittedly avoid as much as possible. Maybe try talking to real people instead of basing your theories on one movie that’s clearly meant to be a fantasy?

  • Stephanie Rice

    But that’s not what happened in the movie. They didn’t break up because he was uninterested in her after sex. They broke up because their lives were headed in literal and metaphorical different directions. This is such a disingenuous statement.

  • Nightshade

    Huh. But my man wants to get married after several years of unmarried sex. Guess that’s just a figment of my imagination?

  • pagankitty

    Oh man, if I could go back in time, I would tell younger me that people who say shit like that have no idea what they’re talking about.

    In reality, men don’t lose interest in women just because they’ve had sex. In reality, men don’t marry women just to have sex. In reality, women don’t feel shame about their past sex partners. In reality, adults can talk to their spouse’s ex without shame and jealousy.

  • SAO

    It’s only in Fundieland that premarital sex is assumed to be bad. In the real world, something like 95% of Americans have premarital sex without shame or consequences.

  • paganheart

    They live in a time warp, and a world that’s a bigger fantasy than the one depicted in the movie they’re so upset about. I honestly have to wonder if the author even saw the film, if this is the conclusion she drew from it; sounds more like she’s basing her opinion on something she read on a plot spoilers blog. And she wouldn’t be the first fundie to condemn something she’s never actually seen, read or listened to herself.

    The whole “he’ll just dump you once he gets what he wants” thing is the stuff of bad high school dating and sex advice (which may say something about the maturity level of “adults” in the CPM.) It’s another version of the whole “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” argument that just needs to die. Saving yourself for marriage and refusing to “live in sin” is no guarantee of a “happily ever after” lifelong marriage, no matter how “Christian” you are.

    My hubby and I will celebrate 23 very happy years of marriage this year, and we had quite a lot of sex before we married (Mostly with each other, to be totally honest; we both had very limited experience before we met.) We even (horror!!!) lived together for a while before we wed. Even more horrible, we got married at the courthouse instead of having a church wedding! l have a few friends and family who “saved themselves” for marriage (or at least claimed to) and the majority of them are now divorced. In many cases they married very young–just out of high school–and now realize they just weren’t ready to be married. But that’s what happens when you tell people they can’t have sex until they put a ring on it, because Bible; you get a lot of people marrying basically because they’re horny and want to have sex without burning forever in hell. And that’s a terrible reason to get married.

  • Saraquill

    By that logic, how would the person quoted above explain my marriage?

  • Joy

    This post just had me mentally going back through everyone I’ve slept with….nope. No shame. Wouldn’t be embarrassed to speak to them again or see them. In fact, in my own personal la la land, I assume that I’m such a good sex partner that everyone who has sleprovided with me thinks fondly of it.

  • KarenOfRocks

    I’m delighted to be living in La-La-Land. Oddly enough, it certainly seems real. It involves all the things I associate with the Real World–jobs, paychecks,dishes, groceries, laundry, good times with friends, good times with Husband, Life Sucks moments… and yet, among the Silicon Valley professional and/or academic people I hang with, marriage is quite optional. Unmarried people live together for years before they decide they 1) can afford a wedding, and/or 2) are ready to have children and want to provide a solid legal framework for their family. Some are divorced, and reluctant to commit completely to the legal connections of marriage again, but are in stable, long-term relationships. For most of them, a stable long-term relationship is something to be treasured and nurtured, with or without marriage. That’s not uniform across the board, but it is pretty much the norm.

    In fact, Husband and I are anomalous, marrying when he was 21 and I was 20, and never having children… but it was 1980, the expectation of marriage from both our families was very, very high, and we didn’t have much of a problem with it. Were we that age now, I can’t imagine either of us wanting to hurry into marriage.

  • Friend

    Glad these ninnies aren’t in charge of all worldwide movie scripts…

  • Astrin Ymris

    From what I’ve read of history, in Tudor England, a woman who had sex with a man she expected to marry was considered to be under “pre-contract”, and not condemned too much. If she later wanted to marry someone else, a Church disposition could usually be purchased arranged for the well-to-do.

    This custom allowed an acceptable out for no-fault marriage annulments and unwanted betrothals. In practice, Medieval and Renaissance sexual customs have always been more lenient than the official line would have you believe.

  • SAO

    The other thing is that the elite were always much more focused on making sure the marriages furthered political or financial goals and that the heirs were, indeed, sired by the aristocrat, not his wife’s lover.

    Everyone else paid lip service to these ideas, but, in fact, fussed much less about them.

  • zizania

    Your marriage and mine sound a lot alike (except we’re working on 33 years). My brother and his wife, who had been dating since he was 16 and she was 14 and married when she was 18 and pregnant, recently celebrated their 40th anniversary. Maybe we’ve just got really tasty milk.

  • texassa

    And mine, too.