by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide

All quotes from the book ‘Before You Meet Prince Charming’ by Sarah Mally are in blue text.

The first post on the allegorical section of Chapter 6 was me ranting about how insane Ms. Mally’s insistence that the Princess learned how to weave, bake, paint, dye and goldsmith in less than two years while still being a female member of the royal family who was well into her marriageable years.

The rest of the allegory can be summarized as watching the Princess fall back on her traditional hobby – daydreaming in the castle until interrupted by the Alligator.

Apparently the Princess handled the year she was 18 pretty well – she mastered a heap of really complicated trades and taught those trades to the young women of the village.   *thumps head softly against desk*

In the year she turned 19, she started daydreaming about falling in love someday.  This doesn’t seem to be as big of a character flaw in my opinion as it is to Ms. Mally.  I know that I daydreamed about meeting my future husband and falling in love; those daydreams helped me decide to actively focus on dating instead of focusing the majority of my energy on my career.

The first quote is a good synopsis of the rest of the chapter.

“But meanwhile she would often feel hurt when she heard of knights who came for other maidens, and she would find anxiety and even sorrow in her heart as she thought of her own predicament and the dreams that might never be fulfilled. The seed of Discontent grew. The more she was looked out the window, the more she felt sorry for herself. And the more she felt sorry for herself, the more she looked out the window.” (pg 105)

• I don’t remember feeling hurt when other couples got married before I did.  My feelings were longing to begin a family of my own.  I did feel anxious sometimes that I may never find the right person but it wasn’t an overwhelming feeling.
• Ms. Mally and I do agree on one thing – the Princess’ habit of wallowing in her angst to the point of removing her self from her family, her friends and her duties is a terrible idea.

“”My father says I must guard my heart,” the princess said.

“Guard my heart for whom? You actually believe that a prince will come for you? Thou hast too much faith in your father and his fairy tale dreams. You are sheltered here in this castle. Silly princess, even if a prince were looking for you, he could not find you!”

“But what if he does come? My father says that my heart is the greatest gift I can give him.”

“Hast thou not noticed, dear princess, how many of the friends mingle freely in the courtyard, at the balls, and at the fairs? They are happy. Do you not see how much fun they are having? They are enjoying life. Such friendships are harmless – in fact they are healthy.”

“Healthy?”

“Why, of course. Everyone knows that such relationships are necessary for one’s education. How will you be able to know that Prince Charming is the one for you if you have never known anyone else? How will you get experience in socializing with knights? Think of all the fun that you are missing that you have every right to be enjoying!”

“Fun?” she asked.” I am not sure that I would classify it as such. After all, Maiden Flirtelia is heartbroken because the knight who said he was in love with her married Miss Peacock instead. Several of my other friends from the village are married… but not happy.” (pg. 105,107)

• I’m struck by how weak the Princess’ arguments for following Emo-Pure are.
  • Two of her responses are “Dad said I should do it this way” with no reasoning on why this was the best choice.  That’s the sticky bit with Emo-Pure after all; it’s a new enough concept that Sarah Mally’s parents didn’t adhere to it before they married.  Neither did the senior Botkins or the Duggars for that matter.   When their kids write books, the kids have to walk along a knife-edged cliff.  If the kids say that their parents’ marriage was irreparably harmed because the parents didn’t practice Emo-Pure, the parents’ ministry/income will take a hit.  If the kids admit that their parents are doing fine after dating, the kids undermine the main theme of their book.
• The third response of the Princess’ begins with absurdity and ends in dangerous territory.
  • Enjoying dating and being sad when a relationship ends are not mutually exclusive.  Her friends are having fun at balls, fairs and running around in the courtyard; they are also sad when a relationship ends.
  • There is a world of difference between being unhappily married and being unhappy while being married.
    • Marriage encompasses all of the emotional states of the spouses.  At the risk of being overly obvious, I was miserable when I found out I was critically ill and was going to have to deliver my son at 26 weeks gestation.  At the same time, I was grateful that I had the unwavering support of my husband.  I was unhappy while being in a happy marriage.
      • Ms. Mally’s implication that happy marriages lead to perpetually happy moods for the participants sets her readers up for massive disappointment when they marry.
    • On the flip side, some marriages do not serve the spouses well.  Spouses can bring out the worst tendencies in each other.  One spouse can be abusive.  These marriages need either intensive work with professional help to change unhealthy patterns or should be ended.
•  In real life, the Princess wouldn’t need to worry about a Prince finding her.  She’s a member of the royal family and apparently pretty to boot.  Members of the Court would be able to find a diplomatically beneficial marriage for her.
• For CP stay-at-home daughters (SAHD), being found by an eligible man is a real concern!  There are a limited number of unmarried men who have never been divorced, can support a potentially massive family, are theologically aligned with the SAHD’s parents, and is interested in the young woman.  Making sure that the daughter is known to exist by every man who fits the criteria should be very high on the priority list of her parents.  The Princess’ response of “Nah, I’m pretty sure he’ll show up someday” is a non sequitur and a stunning indictment of the lack of practice SAHD have in defending their belief systems.
• The most depressing bit for me is the fact that the Princess is right that “her heart” – whatever that means – is the most valuable thing she has to give to her husband.
  • I can’t imagine a Crown Princess’ marriage prospects being treated so cavalierly so I’m going to assume she doesn’t have a kingdom to pass on to her spouse or children.
  • She lacks the ambition and cunning sense of strategy that many royal women who lost kingdoms due to their gender used to determine the best marriage and how to influence  the new court to place their grandchildren back on the throne they lost.
  • The Princess’ education seems to be non-existent outside of riding a horse and some manual household skills that would be of no use to a member of the royal family.
  • The Princess hasn’t had a child yet and comes from a family that has never mentioned any other surviving kids.  That would count against her in many courts especially if she lacked a massive dowry.  After all, the first duty of female royalty was to produce heirs.

The Alligator tells her to do as she pleases but be aware that she will end up missing out on her dreams if she spends her life cloistered in the castle.  The Princess retorts with a fancier version of “Better to be single person wishing they were married than a married person wishing they were single!” and flounces off.