by Doug Wilson from Blog and Mablog – The Danger of Self-Recrimination
Editor’s note: A confused mess of semi-victim blaming and some warnings about not being bitter, not blaming others and not blaming oneself for what happens. This man is simply ridiculous.
Think about your mom. I know that bitterness against her is an ongoing struggle for you, and the fact that you do fault her shows that you understand such transition points exist. We know that your father mistreated her horribly in the early years of their marriage—she, like you, is a victim—but what she has subsequently done (in deserting you, for example) adds another layer to the whole mess. Your father drove her where she is, and he is responsible for that, but she is not where she ought to be, and she is responsible for that. Do you see what I mean by complicated?
Another example of this would be your father himself. We know that his childhood was wretched. At one point in his life, he hadn’t done anything of these things to you, but rather was a small, bewildered boy having awful things done to him. He was a victim in that, but because he gave way to an entire self-pity, the kind that made him out to always be the victim, this rendered him incapable of taking any responsibility for his own actions. He really was a victim at the start, but he handled it in such a way as to become an abuser. In saying this, I am not exonerating him, but rather trying to understand him.
I said this was a place where you have to be careful in your thinking. It is also a place where I must be extraordinarily careful in how I express this. You are a victim in this, and I am in no way “blaming the victim.” But since you are not the Victim, because you are not Jesus, there are things you do need to take responsibility for. You do not need to take responsibility for what your father did, as I said earlier. But you do need to take responsibility for some things that are things that you have done.
QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders, cultural enforcers and those that seek to keep women submitted to men and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully.
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