What Happens if You Turn ‘Virginity is a Gift’ Around?

What Happens if You Turn ‘Virginity is a Gift’ Around? February 18, 2018

I’ve been thinking all weekend about that #RenosNuggets from pastor Reno Omokri and his stinky tuna steaks representative of vaginal orifices. What happened if we flipped his horrible and false script, and insist all men stay virgins and forecasting some dire consequence happening to their penises. This is what I came up with:

It works about as well as the original, which is not at all, even with biologically impossible claims of shrinkage or breaking off. It’s insulting for either sex to make claims about sexual history ruining the sex lives of married folks (or as long as everyone has had the proper testing for STDs before the marriage). You sex life, your history is no pastor’s business ever, unless you happen to be married to a pastor.

This was not done to insult men, but to show how silly the entire idea of breaking some part of your body by employing it for the action it was meant for actually is. Men rock. Penii are great. No one should have to put up with these nonsense ideas flowing out of certain sections of the church. Modesty and virginity teaches harm people, teaching them shame for what comes naturally.

(Thanks to my husband for agreeing to have sausage for several meals!)

Returning tomorrow with our regular content because that Lori Alexander has been up to some rather false claims this week. Thankfully none of them involve food, gonads or virginity.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • TLC

    Most excellent reply!

  • Bravo!

  • Allison the Great

    (Thanks to my husband for agreeing to have sausage for several meals!)

    That made me laugh so loud I scared the dog. How did that conversation go?

    “Hey hon, I’m to make a point about dicks for the blog, do you mind eating sausage for dinner?”

    I’m dying.

    Seriously I love your Mr. Happy post.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    …I wasn’t quite done trying to process the trauma from the lady-genitals-are-like-fish-steaks claim which that pastor oh so helpfully illustrated with a repugnant visual aid, and now I will struggle to not think of all the fundy pastors having shriveled bits of sausage whenever I’m at a barbecue. THANKS. 😉

  • regina

    Most excellent reply!

  • Anri

    “Well, no, I don’t mind eating…” Husband looks at sausages, looks at camera, “um… what kind of point about dicks…?”

  • Lynn

    I know, right? Please chew thoroughly and don’t choke, because I can’t imagine you’ll get through those meals without a serious case of the giggles!

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    That’s about how it went. He knows to expect the weird with me and he loves sausage so he’s into it.

  • Mel

    Suzanne, I love you!

  • Poster Girl

    This is awesome.

  • Carstonio

    As much as I chuckled at the sausages, an even better analogy would be uncooked spaghetti noodles versus three-day-old cooked noodles. If we’re supposed to believe that lots of sex with different men stretches out the vagina, then we should also assume that lots of sex with different women wears out the penis instead of shrinking it.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Never considered that one! Great

  • Dave Maier

    Penii are great.

    “Penii” would be the plural of “penius” (not a word afaik). The English word “penises” is fine, but if you want Latin it’d be “penes”. /latingeek

  • texassa

    Makes sense to me.

  • bekabot

    I like the revised meme, especially because it has a history and was, in fact, a widely-disseminated 19th-century idea. So, it’s not like you’re breaking with tradition or anything.

    Added: Yes, the Kellogg of the byline was the full brother of the Will Kellogg. (If you’re interested in reading the book, just hit the ‘fullscreen view’ thingummy in the upper right-hand corner of the screen to access the page-turning function.)

  • therealcie

    I wonder if Facebook will hide this picture the way it hid the tuna steaks. If it doesn’t, I’ll laugh and call hypocrisy. While the content of the meme was disgusting and the insinuation that female genitalia somehow resemble tuna steaks is offensive, they were, after all, tuna steaks. Methinks perhaps Facebook has a dirty mind. We’ll see if they have an equally dirty mind when food resembles male parts.

  • Martha Anne Underwood

    I had quite a chuckle!

  • Lana

    this is great!