Joy Filled Wife – Morality Device or Real Person?

Joy Filled Wife – Morality Device or Real Person? November 17, 2018

One of the things I find the most fascinating about the Quiverfull female cultural enforcers is how many of them seem to have no problem with morality devices. What do I mean morality devices? The letters that Debi and Michael Pearl publish in their No Greater Joy Magazine that are purportedly from the public.

Once you start reading through the letters they are answering it becomes clear that perhaps the letters are not from others. Some of the letters seem more like a very convenient vehicle to springboard whatever it is Michael or Debi might want to genuinely discuss.

Lori Alexander has someone she publishes that also reads more like a morality device that a real person. An author she calls ‘The Joy Filled Wife.’ For someone that routinely sounds off on Lori’s favorite topics she has no blog, no other links, or places she posts. Seems odd for someone with so much to say about submission and marriage. She trots out once in a while on Lori’s old blog ‘Always Learning,’ and now on her ‘The Transformed Wife’

Yesterday Lori quoted The Joy Filled Wife again in a piece titled, ‘When His Life Is Out Of Control’. I was initially confused by this post because it was supposed to be only the first paragraph by Lori Alexander with the rest by Joy Filled. But it wasn’t obvious to my coffee-needing sleep addled mind. Take a quick peek and tell me if it’s not clear where what ends and another begins.

Please, for the love of all that is Holy and legible start using a differing font for quotes or use the quote function because this reads like Lori’s book. Jumping around like a frog on meth. There’s nothing here to indicate when Lori is talking, and when the narrative switches to Joy Filled. I guess we’re supposedly to automatically assume the paragraph after the opening one is not Lori.

That bit about not being able to share any information about the counselors is suspicious. Why not simply indicate what traditional they follow? Are they associated with a certain denomination? Do they practice a certain type of unusual therapy?

Add in that much of this is lifted directly from another posting by Joy Filled on another Lori posting. Nothing much original or different here.

But this weirdness is not half as concerning as this paragraph by Joy Filled:

No! This ‘advice’ is abusive! If your husband is trying that drastically to control every bite of food you eat you are in an abusive relationship! And your counselor needs to lose their license for approving any such strategy.

I’ve been seeing for several years that others are convinced that The Joy Filled Wife is just Lori under a differing guise and I’ve been unconvinced. Now I believe she may be indulging in the same thing as the Pearls and Nancy Campbell, a morality device or character.

I think these folks have some limited and limiting circles of acquaintances, and must invent these characters in order to expound on what they really want to talk about. Clearly Lori loves to expound on sexual problems, submission and even being forbidden to eat certain items although I seriously doubt Ken forbids her anything food. But Lori has certainly made a stink about what Ken does and does not eat in the past.

Here’s the thing about morality devices and Christians. If you’re not being upfront about it and saying that this is a composite of people, or some undisclosed person you know, or spun out of thin air to prove a point it’s a type of lying. Lying for the Lord is still lying and still one of the Ten Commandments.

What do you think? Are these Pearl letters real or not? What’s your opinion on the reality of The Joy Filled Wife?

ETA: Dear Stephanie of The Girl With The Dragonfly Tattoo blog. Please stop putting all comments that say women enjoy sex, or disliking something by Lori Alexander into the Spam Queue.

Frankly I’m amused that you have a dragonfly tattoo. Oh, if you only knew about the violent sex and flying sperm, sperm, sperm of constant dragonfly sex you’d be gouging that tattoo right off. Stop being so repressed!

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

I Fired God by Jcoelyn Zichtermann

13:24 A Dark Thriller by M Dolon Hickmon

About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping ithe plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here.
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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • SAO

    The problem with made-up devices or people is that they don’t reflect reality. The reality of the Joy-filled wife’s life sounds more like the Naugler’s unsanitary lean-to was a blessed little homestead.

  • MaraT

    I have suspected the The Joy Filled Wife was a made up device. I have also thought that she might be Sunshine Mary, reincarnated online minus the blog, where she would be held accountable for her nut bag ideas.

    At any rate, I found this post horribly upsetting and as always, I worry about some poor, isolated woman with a bunch of kids and no way out. Lori promotes this idea that if you just “submit” enough, he will suddenly, magically change and you will all live happily ever after. She tosses out this advice and then just walks away. She doesn’t want to look at the reality that abuse escalates. It doesn’t go away. Law enforcement will tell you because they deal with it all the time. Did you see the comment from the woman who asked Lori what she should do about her children hearing her husband verbally abuse her? Lori gives her “magical thinking” advice; it will all turn out just fine and everyone will be “sanctified” by the wife’s “submission”. According to this post, everything is wonderful for The Joy Filled Wife; yes, he is no longer addicted to porn, he no longer is verbally abusive of her, and they are all living happily ever after….because SHE was wonderfully and perfectly submissive. Reality: he’s still looking at porn and making sure she doesn’t know, he’s still subjecting her to verbal abuse but she blames it on herself, and we don’t know anything about the counseling service because it doesn’t exist. No licensed professional would advocate this insanity.

    Ironic, isn’t it, that this post followed one in which Lori states emphatically that husbands are in NO WAY responsible for changing their behavior towards their wives. Like, ever.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I wonder what the Naugler’s are up to? Nicole tried to contact me once through NLQ and insist I tell the real story and interview her. I declined. Learned my lesson about allowing delusional sociopaths a platform when I was talking to Von Ohlman. BTW a media company is sniffing around Von right now. He might find himself outed on television for being such a dangerous jerk.

  • heleninedinburgh

    No, she’s a real person. That’s her name. Mrs Joy Filled-Wife.

  • Almost a chimp

    The Pearl letters are as real as the goblin that rides an invisible unicorn around my garden on high days and holidays.

  • AFo

    This is the equivalent of a teenage boy trying to impress his friends by telling them about his super hot older girlfriend that they can never meet because she goes to college in another state, and his pictures of her are from Google images.

  • Mary Hannah bates

    Oh, I get it. Her husband filled her with his joy. She is a joy dump for him. Got it.

  • heleninedinburgh

    Lots and lots of joy. Sorry. TMI.

  • Saraquill

    Lori can’t be bothered to follow a major commandment. She should really change religions if she can’t be bothered to follow basic guidelines.

  • I believe TheJoyFilled Wife is completely made up either by Lori or Ken. I think as you stated Suzanne it’s simply a morality device. It’s interesting how Ken praised TheJoyFilled Wife – reminded me of all the times Lori gushes over Trey’s comments.

  • Friend

    Hmm, only if she’s not following old etiquette. I assume all these submissive helpmeets go by the form “Mrs. John Smith,” and that would make the husband’s name Joy, which is a girl name (BAD!!!), and I’m pretty sure hyphenated names are a Big No No. But!! Since they don’t know any of that, I’m sure you are completely right! It’s more fun for them to make it up as they go along. 🙂

  • Friend

    Like coherent sentence structure?

  • Friend

    It takes talent to write in different voices, and imagination to think like other people. Since these cultural enforcers proudly oppose education, and their writing rarely looks like they have tried to revise, everything reads as if it came from the same narrow mind.

  • persephone

    YES! I want to see Von outed. The sooner the better. Nasty little man.

    But Larry Solomon needs to be outed ASAP.

  • persephone

    I could swear I’ve read the sneaking bread thing somewhere else. I’m sure it was something posted on NLQ, but from a different psycho. Maybe the Pearls? They certainly have their food and appearance issues.

    Anybody want to get in on a death pool for Mikey?

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I don’t doubt it. They all steal ideas from one another. Seems familiar to me too.

  • heleninedinburgh

    Outed as a dangerous jerk, or… what?

  • Allison the Great

    I want to learn more about that. I wonder what got the media company’s attention?

  • Shan
  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I’ll share as soon as I get the okay. Right now it is very up in the air.


    I’m going to make the logical assumption that the counselors referenced here are not licensed. Licensed counselors are listed with the state licensing board and cannot reveal client information without risking loss of their license and lawsuits. Therefore, there should be no way that the writer’s identity could be compromised without major repercussions…IF the counselor was licensed. If not…well then all bets are off.
    I’d truly hope there is no way a licensed counselor would give this kind of dangerous advice. If so, they should be reported.

  • B.E. Miller

    Now I’m wondering if the Society of English Majors started a religion, what would the headgear be?

  • Friend

    An open copy of The Elements of Style.

  • Friend

    I agree, and also think the counselor and/or client and/or advice could be made up, because there’s no way to challenge any of it. The reader’s choice is to be “godly” and swallow it whole, or condemn herself as a bad wife.

  • MaraT

    I have wondered from time to time is The Joy Filled Wife was actually Sunshine Mary. Remember her?? She got a lot of flack for the nut bag ideas she expressed on her blog, so maybe Lori’s blog is her way of continuing to spread nonsense without any accountability.