Are Stay At Home Mothers ‘Subtle Whores’?

Are Stay At Home Mothers ‘Subtle Whores’? February 8, 2019
Screencap from YouTube. Meme from Imgflp

Lori Alexander is on her Facebook, Chatroom and her The Transformed Wife site claiming that she’s being called a ‘subtle whore’.  Funny, because Lori herself is the one that coined the phrase ‘subtle whoring’ when she kept bringing in up in her anti abortion post featuring the silliest of songs “I’ve Never Been To Me”.

This is not a phrase in common usage, not even among the more dirty mouthed QF female cultural enforcers, except to toss out in nasty comments against anyone disagreeing with them. Not even among real life sex workers. That seems to be the point it gets used the most, by Evangelical women.

Today Lori is using it to support her idea that stay at home mothers are the best. claiming that someone called her that. She’s posted a highly edited version of the comment. If she was actually called this disgusting phrase it’s only because she herself has used it against others. This is why using derogatory terms towards other women is never a good idea.

This all follows Lori asking what a submissive wife looks like and getting answers that surely do not line up with her other claims.

And the article features none of the positives she’s listed above, or anything encouraging. It’s merely another nasty rant against women who think that the women themselves should decide to stay home or work. Calling them nasty names of course.

Here’s what Lori Alexander is missing. Two different things.

First, having the freedom to chose to be a stay at home mom is wonderful. It takes nothing away from working moms, just like being a working mother does not denigrate stay at home mothers. Why not just support each other instead of tear each other down?  This is what feminism fought for, the right to determine your role. Lori is fighting a war that is manipulated purposely to divide women, not unite them. Jesus never addressed the issue of women working outside of the home because women have always worked in one way or another.

Second, Lori is being accused of subtle whoring because of a recent comment she put up, that I believe her quoted nasty comment might be from. Lori was bragging about all the freebies she gets living her life as a stay at home wife. Free rent, free money, free food, well you get the drift. That does not sound at all like a wife, it sounds like a possible gold digger. I’m not saying she’s a gold digger, but she’s not.. well never mind..

I am a stay at home wife too, but I have worked. I don’t know about you but what I do in my home is not get ‘free rent’, I put in sweat equity with my own labor as an equal, as a wife. The house is half mine too. My name is on the title as much as his is. I am a fully equal partner to my retired husband. As it should be. Free rent my flipflops~

Are stay at home mothers subtle whores? Not from what I’ve seen. These disgraceful words and terminology should never be applied to mothers, stay at home or working.

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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here.
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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Saraquill

    If true, I imagine it came from another QF/CP person. I don’t see many mainstream people using that phrase.

  • Nea

    What gets me about that poll is how hard Lori’s readers have to work to not be irritated, lose their tempers, stay “gentle.” It’s almost as if stuffing half of normal human emotional range into a box and lock it away is difficult and unnatural.

  • Tawreos

    I wonder how many articles we can find where Lori is not matching up with at least one of those traits she seems to think are required for someone to be a “good” woman?

  • Mel

    I enjoy the fact that several of the options describe the same quality. Also – nothing is quite as fun as taking a poll about your personal weaknesses that shows everyone else which quality you picked.

  • Mel

    I enjoy the fact that CP/QF bloggers don’t even pretend to have interacted with feminists today; they just assume that feminists would say the most inflammatory thing the blogger can think of.

  • Nightshade

    Has Lori posted a screenshot of the actual comment? I don’t mean quoting the alleged statement, I mean an actual screenshot of the message, post, etc, in which someone called her that? It’s possible that she has, but I haven’t seen it, and in the absence of evidence I’m inclined to call bullshit.

  • AFo

    As a heathen working feminist, I’m honestly too busy doing my job and having a life to take the time out of my day to call someone names for being a stay-at-home mom. This seems to be the part that Lori never understands; most of us don’t care either way as long as it was the woman’s choice; it’s the forcing, blaming, shaming, and browbeating that she seems to love that we have a problem with.

  • Friend

    This is pitched at making Christian at-home mothers feel detested and misunderstood: “they hate us for our godly obedience.” A lot of at-home mothers already feel isolated and overwhelmed, and Lori is not helping.

    Worth noting that “subtil” is the KJV word for crafty or cunning in reference to the serpent that tempted Eve. Lori might mean that, rather than unobtrusive.

  • desertrose

    As anyone who has ever been a SAHM (and even most people who haven’t!) is aware, none of the things Lori listed as being “free” are actually “free”. Being a SAHM is work, just as much as working outside the home (preaching to the choir here, but this kind of attitude makes me so angry). In fact, when I took time off to stay at home with my kids one summer, I couldn’t wait to get back to work, because, for me, working outside of the home was easier! My own mother was a SAHM for most of my life, and she was one of the hardest working women I’ve ever knows. She didn’t get anything for “free” from my dad.

    It drives me nuts when people like her manage to denigrate women by, on the one hand, saying they must stay home with their children or they’re horrible people, and in the next breath declare that the things they receive from their husband’s (because only heterosexual marriages are acceptable in that culture) income outside of the home is just given to them! She has such a divisive, nasty, negative attitude. Like others have said, she had no grasp on what feminists really work for, and I am just so glad I escaped that cultural mindset she is so steeped in.

  • desertrose

    Just like the Pearl’s imaginary friends they use to create moral outrage or lessons with. Must be some sort of how-to guide for those in the CP/QF crowd.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    It says something about Lori’s attitude to marriage and life generally that she can declare that by being a SAHM she is exploiting her husband to get free stuff and think that this (if true) would be an argument for rather than against being one.

  • B.E. Miller

    Wait, didn’t Lori have a maid and a nanny?

  • B.E. Miller

    Exactly! On the bit about being a SAHM being a lot of work. It’s like they’re a cook, nanny, maid, housekeeper, and go-fer all in one. It’s also why I’m glad that Texas is a common property state. If there’s a divorce, the SAHP gets half.

  • KarenOfRocks

    Way back in the Pleistocene (okay, not that far, think spring of 1992), my employer was shutting down its California facility where I worked. Bad move at a bad time, and the company offered certain engineers considerable bonuses for relocating to upstate New York for six months to a year and finishing projects where their expertise was critical. Initial offers were reasonable, but could be negotiated into being extremely generous. I’d been to the New York facility. I understood the oppressive corporate culture there. I was pretty burned out mentally already., so I flat-out turned them down.

    A group of people on another project almost all agreed to go, after negotiating the extremely generous terms. Privately, to friends like me, these (all) men described themselves as whores. They were selling themselves, plain and simple. There was no sex involved (at least as part of the job!) but they were willing to be miserable for a limited time, for money.

    I truly hope that stay-at-home moms never think of themselves in those terms. I hope they’re not normally miserable, though everyone has bad days. My own mother worked from home for my dad, and was miserable, since she was an extreme extrovert and should have been in his office environment. She wasn’t good at asking that her own needs be met, so I (an extreme introvert) was tasked with being her primary company after a day engaging with other people at school. Not a good situation. Families need to negotiate ways to maximize the growth and happiness of all members while meeting everyone’s needs. That is often not a trivial task, but doing it is an excellent thing.

  • Delilah Hart

    It’s funny how Lori Alexander and others of her ilk accuse feminists
    of dismissing SAHM’s as “whores”, “leeches”, or “deplorables.” It’s usually evangelical culture warriors who like to toss around such words like cheap candy from a parade float.

  • Jennifer

    She spouts some of the most randomly insane things I’ve ever seen.