Good Patriarchs Aren’t Honored and Respected Because of Abuse

Good Patriarchs Aren’t Honored and Respected Because of Abuse February 20, 2019

Nancy Campbell of Above Rubies is upset today. She’s upset that women in general and random folks have zero respect or honor for her self-proclaimed ‘Good Christian Patriarchs’

Nancy goes to claim that it’s a heathen plot. By her favorite targets, feminists, socialists and humanists because everyone just knows that Patriarchs are good men slandered by others. *insert eye roll here*

See what I mean?

Nancy Campbell misses that in order to be esteemed, honored and treated with respect you have to behave in an honorable fashion. Seems like there is a great deal of that missing in the same self-spouting patriarchs Nancy is championing here.

For every good Quiverfull man, living peacefully with a loving wife and children, humbly and following after the words and heart of Jesus there are a dozen Quiverfull demented petty tin-plated dictator men yammering on about how ‘Godly’ they are while abusing someone else.

Maybe not their wives and children, though many times the main targets of such angry and hateful men seems to be the closest.  How many times have we seen or heard of someone like poor deceased Carri Chmielewski saying how happy their marriage is, while exhibiting symptoms that they are either being abused or controlled behind closed doors? Too many times. The ranks of victims who are abused by their husbands and fathers is a large one that puts lie to Nancy’s claims.

I don’t know if her husband abused her, but I do now that after Carri got away from her husband Mark she told many and posted online about the abuse she suffered. I was sorry to hear that, but it was a good reminder that no matter how happy someone claims to be that if you are seeing red flags it’s likely abuse is happening. It’s Evangelical Quiverfull’s dirty little secret, the abuse by men of their wives and children.

Even if that good patriarch is treating their wives and children well you just know that they are dumping on and abusing someone else. How many patriarchs have we seen that have to be constantly negatively picking on others? The gay population and Doug Wilson, Steven Anderson and a huge cast of other good patriarchs scared almost pants-less by the gays.

I missed that part in the Bible where Jesus ordered his followers to behave like their stuff doesn’t stink, like they are better than everyone else and to pick up giant stones to toss.

If, if they really followed the words of Jesus you’d see a much different church. You’d see a place where everyone is accepted and no one worried about anyone else’s sexuality. It would be their own business between them and God. No one would judge people for the wrong clothing, or lack of money. Lovingly approaching the abusers to let them know it must stop.  A true brother and sisterhood instead of a hateful little club filled with hypocrites.

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

I Fired God by Jcoelyn Zichtermann

13:24 A Dark Thriller by M Dolon Hickmon

About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Jennny

    Randomly, had a passing thought yesterday about Pastor Stevie, he seems to have been totally quiet for a while, since his prostitute-using fellow pastor hit the headlines. Any news anyone on how he’s spinning this?

  • Sleven

    I love that she’s vexed so. You can wind that type up quite a bit before they slink away in defeat.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    He got into that ugly pushy-shovey with Adam Fannin over who was in charge and taking/spending the money at Stedfast Baptist in Jacksonville, Florida. The issue was that Steven picked the successor to the pastor with the prostitutes and Fannin was unhappy. Anderson kicked Fannin out and claims to have had an independent audit of the books done that clears him.

    Since then it’s been quiet. Anderson hasn’t even updated his blog to accuse other pastors of being gay or anything. I do look at this YouTube channel a couple of times a week since that seems to be where he does the most frequent updating and it’s all been sermons, sermons, sermons.

  • SAO

    In a marriage between adults who mutually respect and love each other, you don’t need obedience. Obedience is needed by people who can’t convince another on the merits of an issue or by people who have never learned healthy methods of conflict resolution or by men who don’t want to have to consider their wives’ opinions of feelings. Anyone who is losing on the merits of an argument deserves to lose; anyone who doesn’t know healthy methods of conflict resolution should learn before they marry and people who don’t care about their spouse’s feeling should not be married.

    Respect and honor are earned by actions, they can’t be commanded, although the appearance of them can be.

  • Jennny

    OK, thanks, guess at some point in the future he’ll go on a deranged rant….the silence implies to me he’s hoping it will all go away, he’s so far from reality, I guess he doesn’t know how to deal with anything that tarnishes his image of being the perfect pastor of the perfect cult.!

  • Tawreos

    Please tell us you are not watching the sermons. Nothing is worth subjecting yourself to too much of that.

  • Tawreos

    “It’s part of the socialist thinking where everyone must be on equal terms.”

    We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal…

    I had no idea that the signers of the Declaration of Independence were all socialists.

  • Tawreos

    If he doesn’t want his image tarnished then he should learn to shut up and/or not be so hateful.

  • Friend

    Suzanne, I completely agree with your point about the version of patriarchy espoused by Nancy and other enforcers. However, one paragraph seems to generalize about men: “For every good man, living peacefully with a loving wife and children, humbly and following after the words and heart of Jesus there are a dozen demented petty tin-plated dictator men yammering on about how ‘Godly’ they are while abusing someone else.”

    Are you talking about men within Quiverfull, within the evangelical/fundamentalist movement, within the Christian population of the US? About men who call themselves patriarchs?

    Most men I know these days happen to be American Christians, and I rarely see signs of abuse among married couples I know well. The only “patriarchs” I know belong to cramped and oppressive movements within Christianity… and in those families I do see hints of trouble.

    Abuse, tragically, is everywhere, but I don’t think it affects 12 out of 13 marriages. I completely agree that it’s a gigantic risk among men who aspire to be patriarchs, or who are goaded into the role.

    Will you please offer a bit more context?

  • Saraquill

    So much for following the teachings of a person who provided free health care, hung out with prostitutes and tax collectors, fed hungry crowds at no charge etc…

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Men within Quiverfull was what I was talking about. Not men in general. Most men are nothing like that.

  • Tawreos

    They have no love for hippy Jesus anymore, they do love them some of Paul’s “do it my way or burn in hell forever” attitude though.

  • Friend

    Thank you!

  • Worse, none of them were Southern Baptists!

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I put the QF designation in the original piece now too. I really do not want anyone thinking this is about all men.

  • Friend

    Thanks. That’s genuinely helpful.

  • AFo

    It can’t just be that people are finally realizing and accepting that patriarchy doesn’t work, it has to be a grand conspiracy by all the fundy boogeymen. If she’d blamed “the gays” and public schools, she’d have hit bingo.

  • bekabot

    I swear, there are times when I understand why men are so distrustful about ‘sisterhood’ and relationships between women, and this is one of them. What Lori’s saying here is not that it’s a wife’s job to reverence her husband but to convince Lori that she does. IOW, she’s arrogating power over every married man in sight by means of the proxy of his wife, and I can easily envision a world in which not every man is going to be grateful to Lori for her help. I mean, if he’s supposed to govern his household, then he’s supposed to govern it, right?…and not some nosy lady with a column on the Net. Who asked her? Who made her the judge? If God gave him the power to decide who does what under his roof, then why can’t he decide it, not some other guy’s wife, someone he never heard of before in his life, who might plausibly and Biblically be asked to attend to her own affairs? For every man who offers up tribute at Lori’s altar, there must be ten who roll their eyes. JMO.

  • Friend

    OK, I have to confess an obsession with the illustration. Nancy credits “Alfredo Rodrequez.” It seems that his real name is Alfredo Rodriguez. I checked out his website, and like his work much more outside of the Campbell context. At a glance, prices for his Western oil paintings range from $10K to $19K. He paints a more diverse population than Nancy is likely to show on her site. I do wonder if the artist is aware of Nancy’s use of his work.

  • EbbyBee

    The founding fathers thought all white, land owning, men were created equal. Not everyone

  • Tawreos

    True, but we are not bound by what they thought it meant.